Tuesday, December 07, 2004

When The Pimp's In Da Crib Ma, Drop It Like It's Hawwt...

So Saturday night was my big birthday bash at Flow with 80 of my closest friends. Everyone was actually pretty well-behaved, but keep in mind this is all relatively speaking.

Started the night at my place (see picture) where I insisted on wearing my "Rock Out With Yer Cock Out" trucker hat, "Without ME it's just AWESO" t-shirt, and my trashy jeans with the holes in the crotch. Jess said I looked like Paris Hilton, which is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me, since I've always wanted to be a stupid spoiled whore just like her, as everyone knows.

We had our standard drunken subway ride into the city, complete with Jess telling a woman with a baby that she wanted to have brown babies just like hers, and Emily chasing a huge rat around the platform.

I've attempted to narrow my summary of the rest of the night down to the 10 most notable things about my birthday:

10) Bex biting me (for no apparent reason)

9) Olga's conversation with my brother's girlfriend...

Olga: Are you half Asian?
GF: No.
Olga: Oh. That's too bad.

8) My brother's friend deciding it was a good idea to just grab a beer from the neighboring table, almost starting a fight with some mongoloids who were definitely on the wrong side of the Hudson River

7) Playing with Domini's titties

6) Playing with Olga's titties

5) Olga biting me (this ranks higher because she left a nasty bruise)

4) Olga to my friend Liran: "You're not Jewish, you're blond."

3) My amazing lack of tact...

Friend: Uh actually, I was breaking up with my girlfriend.
Zander: Um...

2) Bex booting in the champagne bucket...and then denying that this had happened until the bartender came over and said "Hi I just saw you throw up in the champagne bucket. Please don't do that."

...and the #1 thing about my birthday celebration was...

1) Playing with Domini's titties.

There were other things, like one guest kicking another in the face and what not, but we expect that to heal pretty nicely, so it didn't make the list. Click here for plenty of pictures (login/registration possibly required, but definitely worth it)

Woke up feeling like ass, so naturally my first drink at brunch with my family contained champagne, Bombay Gin AND Creme de Cassis. A couple of bottles of wine later, my mom says "Oh, try and keep 1pm on the 15th free, Fred and I are going to get married." Thanks for the heads up, mother!

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