Well, I'm still way too hungover to write a coherent post, but just wanted to send a few messages out to people before we all start drinking again in 3 hours:
Note to Jess -- Acting out very graphic lesbian sex on the dance floor does not count as a dance routine. Stop it.
Note to Domini -- Remember when I was acting all drunk and obnoxious and told you that your titties better be on full display for my big bash tonight? Well I was dead serious. We better see those puppies out and proud or you're not getting past the bouncer.
Note to Self -- There are more appropriate times to tell everyone's favorite retard joke ("What's better than winning a silver medal at the Special Olympics?") than while running drunkenly through a busy intersection. Show some sensitivity.
Note to Random Bouncer -- In case you were wondering what's #1 on the List of Things You Don't Say to a Girl You Just Met, I can assure you that it's your line: "If you went on a date with me you'd wake up with a burning asshole." No, seriously.
Note to Vicki -- Somehow I'm pretty sure you're the only person who could elicit that response from a bouncer.
Note to Emily -- Quit trying to stick your finger in my butt. In public, anyway. Woof.