Yesterday my mother and her longtime boyfriend got married (purely for legal and tax reasons, she assured me), and surprisingly the drunken star of the day wasn't in the family.
While we were waiting outside the 'chapel' with a nice, well-dressed young couple beside us, a charming caucasian woman with disheveled hair, baggy pink sweatpants, and what appeared to be the latest fashions from the Salvation Army winter line practically stumbled out of an office nearby. Spotting the young bride, she actually started yelling as she walked away, "Aww yeah you look so happy now. WELL IT AIN'T GONNA LAST. And you look so pretty. JUST WAIT TIL YOU GET PREGNANT!!"
Ah well, such are the perils of getting married at City Hall with the riffraff.
Once the official stuff was over, we headed to a nice restaurant nearby, and spent 3 hours boozing, eating, boozing some more, and joking about how many foxes probably died to make my mother's new coat. Of course by the time it was over I was too canned to go to back to work, even though it was only a few blocks away, so I went home, no one realizing that I still had the marriage certificate in my bag. You know that shit is gonna be used as a coaster for a vodka tonic by Saturday night.
Sidenote: So typical of my family that the wedding itself cost $35, and the alcoholic lunch afterwards probably cost a good $2000. We're real sentimental folk.