Do They Think I'm Trashy Yet?

First stop on Saturday night was a co-worker's birthday party. Thought I'd give you guys a few tips on how to proceed in case you find yourself in a similar situation:

• If the party starts at 11, begin drinking at 8. Obviously.
• Only drink 100 proof vodka. Half a bottle, if you have it.
• When you arrive at the bar, loudly exclaim "WHO THE FUCK ARE THOSE OLD PEOPLE?"
• A friend may decide to introduce herself to people she doesn't know as a lesbian. Let her.
• If one of your friends bends the other over and starts simulating a sex act, cheer them on.
• If one of your friends straddles the other and starts simulating a sex act, cheer a little louder.
• Shove your face in your friend's crotch repeatedly. Because that's funny, even when it becomes apparent that no one else got the memo.
• After 90 minutes, stumble away while half-assedly saying goodbye to all of your co-workers.

Seriously though, what about that promotion?