Thursday, January 31, 2013

Around the World in 30 Years

At least once a year I tend to look at my 'travel map' to see where I've been and look for inspiration on where to go next. I was avoiding work this afternoon and took another crack at it:

It actually hasn't changed too much in the last year, partially because of all my horrible, selfish friends who got married in the US last year, forcing me to make three separate trips over there. As a result, the only new country I got to visit was Mexico, which was awesome but as an American doesn't feel particularly exotic.

My next trip this year is going to be 12 days or so traveling around Japan, followed by a week in the Philippines laying around on island beaches and a couple of nights in Manila visiting friends. If my travel map is to be believed, that will bring the number of countries I've visited to 30.

Unfortunately, I'm reaching a point where I've visited almost all the places that I've desperately wanted to see, and now I'm hitting up place that just sound kinda cool or nice based on what I've heard recently. As you can see from my map, I still have to visit Africa (amazing how expensive it can be to visit a continent full of poverty-stricken people) and I haven't yet touched the Middle East, which will definitely be added to the agenda once everyone stops blowing shit up over there.

I suppose I'm curious about Iceland and even Greenland because every time I look it up on a map all I can think is 'WTF?' After that, maybe I will settle into a routine of using all my time off to visit family and friends in NYC and Europe, with the occasional week at a villa in Bali (don't worry, I'm tempted to punch myself in the face after typing that sentence out) but it does feel just a little like my obsession with travel that I had when I was younger is fading just a little. Which is probably for the best, because I am old and have a mortgage and oh my god I'm going to stop right now before I decide to kill myself or decide to at least write a letter of apology to my younger self who I'm sure had much higher hopes for us.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

If The Shoe Fits, You're Fired

My latest obsession at work is judging people by their shoes. Because it's amazing what you can tell about someone by what they choose to place on their feet.

There are the people who wear sneakers or thongs/flip flops around the office. These tend to be people who have a role they're very comfortable in and don't see any real desire for advancement. (This also applies to people who get face tattoos.) Don't even get me started on Crocs, but I have seen them in the office and had to assume that these were people who aren't familiar with the internet, where such footwear is mocked widely.

Of course you always have the ladies who wear crazy heels in an effort to be fashion forward, but unfortunately just look like strippers. That's okay, they'll probably marry well. Or at least blackmail some married guy to find their way to success.

Possibly the most frustrating are the guys who wear shoes that are appropriate for work...if you work in 1998. I mean seriously, where are they even able to buy those things?? They're never getting promoted.

But easily, the most rage-inspiring "shoes" I've seen on someone are open-heeled dress shoes on a man.Haha, I bet that didn't even make sense to you when you read it. Yes, I said dress shoes on a man that are open-heeled. Sort of like this:
I told you. I think these were created to test my character as a human being. And it has failed that test, because I will never ever forgive the man I saw wearing these a few weeks ago. It's like business up front and party in the back - an actual shoe mullet. You asshole. What on earth were you thinking??

While I think it should be standard practice to fire someone on the spot for such a travesty, Australia isn't quite as loose as the US when it comes to being able to fire people for absolutely anything you can think of, so I will just have to settle for the fact that the man wearing said shoes is a contractor and probably won't get renewed when the time comes. Thank god.

Monday, January 21, 2013

A Blogger's Existential Crisis

Wow, almost 2 months without one blog post. That's pretty pathetic, I know. And this time, it feels different. I actually had plenty of time in the last few weeks to log on and write something inane, but I just didn't feel like it.

Hickster asked me about my blogging earlier today and that's what prodded me to take a closer look. I mean the rather obvious reason for my lack of motivation is that I simply don't drink that much anymore. And while it used to be hilarious to have a blog that was inspired and fueled by things like waking up wearing makeup and a bleeding arm without any recollection of the night before (thanks for that, 2004), at a grand old age of 33 even a mild hangover just seems sort of embarrassing and a reason to re-evaluate my life.

It doesn't help that I seem to be filling my life with activities that are inherently boring and would make most people contemplate ending it all if they felt like they had to read about them on a regular basis. Do you care about my herb and vegetable garden? Funny, not sure I do either. Perhaps a day by day recap of which tiles I'm thinking about for the new bathrooms? Didn't think so. And while I do frequent a large number of restaurants, I'm personally pretty sure that food bloggers are destined to occupy a very special place in Hell, having to ensure some very special terror for each time that they described the flavors of a dish as 'melodious'.

Hickster suggested that I rename the blog "Am I Getting Old?", but from the paragraph above I think we already know the answer is yes. So whatever - I will maybe blog a little more, maybe I won't, and my dwindling readership may just have to enjoy having more time to read updates from someone who isn't giving up on life. Haha? Sigh.