Friday, January 30, 2009

Serves Me Right For Being Subtle

Okay just a quick rant, folks -- let's do this one as a hypothetical situation.

Let's say you're new to town and you meet someone who seems pretty cool, fun and social. So you exchange contact info, you hang out with this person and their friends a couple of times, and all is well.

Then on a Friday morning, you email this person and ask what they're up to after work. Said person responds and says they are meeting up with some former colleagues at a bar in the city, and will be in touch later to possibly meet up. Which of the following adventures would you choose?

A) Say that getting in touch later sounds good, and make other plans

B) Respond to indicate that maybe you will just get together another time, and make other plans.

C) Ask if you can join the group.

D) Reply to say that you will be at the bar at 5.30pm, waiting.

So yeah, I might have a stalker, and I am vaguely annoyed about it. He's not even a bad person, I don't dislike him, and maybe it's my own fault for telling him what bar I was going to after work. However, I didn't realize that you had to be more obvious than pointing out that it was a get together for people who used to work together (i.e. this has nothing to do with you). Not to mention that when someone says "Oh yeah, stay in touch tonight and maybe I'll see you later" is pretty much universal for "I have better things to do, I will call you if I'm bored at any point in the next few years."

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Focused Intolerance

Lately I've grown a bit concerned with my behaviour and inability to deal with a certain type of person. And that would be...willfully ignorant Republicans. Specifically, I can name at least 4 people that I have deleted from my friend list on Facebook for at least one of the following charges:

1) Praising Sarah Palin, without a hint of sarcasm
2) Announcing, once again sans sarcasm, that they were a McCain supporter, even after the Palin selection and Joe The Plumber fiasco
3) Saying something about Bush not being that bad, despite the crumbling of the world economy, a decline in American power and stability not seen in decades, if ever, and the fact that the Constitution will take years to repair after the past 8 years
4) Acting as though Obama is really the worst possible thing to walk into the Oval Office, even though it has instantly gained America respect of the kind we haven't seen in years, and has some of our worst enemies willing to consider talking to us instead of figuring out the fastest way to rid the planet of us

I consider myself to be a very open minded human being. And not just because I think that, in general, people should be able to do what they want to do as long as they're not causing anyone harm. Even when I see people who are blinded by religious and intolerant beliefs and constantly judge others for the way they live, I really try to at least understand that they come from a very different place than I do, and that there's a reason (if not an excuse) for the way they are. It's what I like to think of as a What Would Obama Do? philosophy.

But when someone posts a link to a story on World Net Daily that talks about how Obama is the end of America, I'm not sure I'd have the restraint to not hit the "Delete from Existence" button were I given access to God's control panel. And this is not even for having conservative or Republican beliefs. I actually think there are a lot of intelligent and reasonable Republicans out there, even if I don't particularly agree with their point of view. But if you get your news from World Net Daily, you're officially a moron.

Exhibit A: The person who wrote the article is clearly 15 years old. He may be skilled at the use of a Thesaurus (did he really use the word "platitudinous"?) but if anyone thinks big words equals smart ideas, maybe they should be writing for this site.

Exhibit B: There is an ad for an Ann Coulter book. Even die-hard Republicans who have never seen the inside of a community college think this whackjob is simply an attention-seeking idiot who just wants to sell books. At this point even the most dim-witted of readers must know they are in unfortunate company.

Exhibit C: Loving this headline below...if not only that it's shocking in its ridiculousness, you've gotta appreciate the fact that those who claim to be the most patriotic don't seem to know how to spell "America".

If anyone thinks I'm being a bit harsh by culling my Facebook list for this reason, please please please let me know. I won't do anything about it, but I might pretend to care.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Happy Australia Day - I Hate You

This past weekend was a long one -- we had Monday off for Australia Day, where even old people seem to find it perfectly acceptable get trashed all day and dance. But this post isn't about drunken dancing old ladies. Some people even seem to find such things "cute" and think I'm a bastard for being horrified by their very existence. So fine, let me move on.

I want to talk about the BBQ I went to at my cousin's house on Sunday. It was her new house which was pretty cool, and we all set into drinking heavily, singing along to music, and ended up playing midnight volleyball in the pool, surely to the delight of all the neighbors.

The most offensive part though, was having "that girl" in attendance. I've supposedly met her before, although I have zero recollection. And understandably so, as I imagine many people actually block out memories of her. She was the girl that inevitably starts a massive fight with her boyfriend any time they are in a group with other people, and then acts like a complete ass clown and cries and wants people to have sympathy for her.

Now don't get me wrong, I realize most people have been there. You're drunk, a certain mood strikes, and things get a bit messy. But if you're the person that does this every single time you smell a beer, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your life. Especially if you're crying, then dancing, and then dancing AND crying at the same time. Do you have ANY idea what that looks like, even to people who have been drinking beer, wine and vodka for 12 hours? My god.

Some additional tips for the "lady" in question:

1) We got out of the pool about 2 hours ago. Please get your not-so-toned ass out of that bikini into some real clothes.

2) If I very deliberately turn away from you at the moment you make eye contact with me when you're looking for someone's shoulder to cry on, I am not simply delaying that scenario. I am excusing myself from it. Don't try again 5 minutes later.

3) When I posted the photos to Facebook and didn't tag you in any of them, I actually thought I was doing you a favor. I realize you're no poster girl for the concept of "dignity", but why you would want to tag yourself in a photo where your eyes were rolled back in your head and you were slipping out of your bikini top, I can't even imagine.

4) Please be aware that even though I accepted your friend request just to be polite, I will delete you from my list at the next culling and simply hope you don't notice. Don't make me block you.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Obligatory Inauguration Post

Apologies for the silence, it's been a busy week. I could have blogged a few days ago to talk about the weekend and yet another lunch turning into a half day bender that resulted in at least one person blacking out before the sun went down, but would that really add anything to what's been catalogued here over the last few years? I think not.

I have to admit I struggled for something to blog about. And as excited as I am about the inauguration of a President who doesn't inspire me to take voice lessons so that I sound like I was raised in a South American jungle as opposed to any location that sits on the same continent as Texas, the whole event being talked and blogged and commented to death.

In particular, everyone is obsessed with what Michelle Obama would wear throughout the day. And in what might be a more unique commentary on that, I have to say...I don't really get it. Let me be clear -- I don't hate what she wears. I think it's nice enough. More importantly, it's not nearly as boring as what we've seen on pretty much any other political wife out there. But it doesn't blow me away or anything. And what she was wearing for the ceremony itself, while not offensive by any stretch of the imagination, does look like someone took a Bedazzler to my grandmother's sofa upholstery. If it helps, I'd give it credit for looking like something that was thrown together by one of the promising designers who made it to the final 6 on the lost season of Project Runway and maybe even won this specific challenge that involved choosing a piece of furniture to transform into formalwear, but I think all the ass-kissing that's going on about it is just a little over the top. And really, if most of us had to pick a globe trotting first lady to be if we had the choice, I think we all know the prize would go to Carla Bruni, minus the whole having sex with Nicholas Sarkozy bit.

Friday, January 16, 2009


After getting off to a great start this year in terms of cutting back on the partying and spending ( I realize it's only been two weeks, but you have to count the small victories, people), I am sitting at my desk at work having just agreed to go to a ridiculously expensive lunch at a nearby steakhouse with my colleagues.

The lunch isn't for another 45 minutes so I still have plenty of time to change my mind, but I've already looked over the menu, decided on the starter, main, and sides that I want, and even which glass of cab sav I'll be ordering.

I feel pretty guilty about it already, since my original plan for lunch today involved a $9.90 burrito. My rationalization at this point includes:
  • I'm always still hungry after the burrito
  • It's Friday and I should really eat a lot of food before I start drinking this afternoon
  • We all have to treat ourselves every now and then

Any other pointers would greatly improve my comfort level with this whole scenario, so please, pass them on.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ah, The Good Old Days

I'd blog about my weekend, but you'd all be bored to tears. I did have a big Friday night, but I don't remember enough of it to make it sound remotely interesting.

What I did remember all of a sudden though, was a few weeks back when I was at a supposedly exclusive bar (or at least they try to make it appear that way) and before it was even 8pm some dude started throwing up in the middle of the bar.

That in itself is something of an accomplishment, however to make it so much better, he apparently ran into the bathroom to finish puking, and totally ralphed on a random guy's back, as the innocent victim was simply trying to take a piss at a urinal.

It just reminded me of my younger, more exciting days, that's all.

I have "a quick drink" planned with Busty tonight after not seeing her for ages, so we'll see if I can follow that up with falling the stairs after two bottles of wine each, as I may have done in 2008. Allegedly.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Zero Improvement

I mean that in at least two ways...the first being that just a week ago I mentioned how slack my blogging had been, and here we are a week later in the same situation. And I haven't even been that busy.

Also, there's my bad habits in general. I'm not really a believer in New Years Resolutions. My thoughts on the matter are really that if you were going to make any significant change in your life, you'd do it whether it was January 1st or not. I always laugh when I see people saying they will start a diet "on Monday", while shoving a greasy burger into their face on Thursday afternoon. Because we all know that if they had any real interest in improving their dietary habits, they would already have started.

However, I do understand the impulse to see certain moments in one's life as a chance for a new beginning. I've generally tried to be a bit healthier and to spend a little less money over the last few months, if not longer, but how much I've succeeded is questionable. I do think I'm drinking less, which is great, and I'm eating a little healthier these days. However any financial savings in that area has been blown away by my even more extravagant travel adventures.

And so, I had hoped that in some way, 2009 would be a little less indulgent than the previous year. Imagine my dismay then, when on January 3rd, I found myself (I love that phrasing -- as if some people snuck into my house, overpowered me, dressed me up in a suit and dragged me to somewhere I'd never have any interest in going) at the races, betting large sums of money on horses I knew nothing about while downing champagne like it was oxygen.

The quintessential "who-was-I-kidding" moment was when I drunkenly tore up one of my betting tickets, thinking I had lost, only to realize that the horse in 4th actually counted as a "place" and would have gotten me back some of my bet money. Smooth.

Ah least it's Friday and I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. That sure as hell never happened in 2008.

Friday, January 02, 2009


I hate to say I actually forgot about the blog for the past week. Probably a result of the fact that as my second week off work comes to a close, my average day has consisted of watched TV, reading, napping, and the occasional dinner and drinks with friends. I'd even forgotten that I was supposed to do some work until one of my clients called me a couple of days ago.

In any case, I've actually been mostly well-behaved over the break, other than a very messy Sunday involving drinking on the beach all day and an attempt at clubbing later that night. And of course New Years Eve, which I think can be summarized by the following:

At this point there's a 64% probability that I will be a drunken fool this evening. I can only be a good boy for so long.