Had to go get my foot x-rayed and checked yesterday to make sure I won't be a gimp for life. Actual conversation with a doctor while he was asking me the standard questions:
Doctor: So, do you drink?
Zander: Uh, yes.
Doctor: What, just on special occasions and stuff?
Zander: Those too...
Doctor: So you're a social drinker?
[Zander remains silent, hoping that 'binge drinker', 'drunk' or 'functional alcoholic' might be the next option, without having to say it himself]
Doctor: Okay, then social drinker. Any history of heart problems in your family...
[Zander breathes a sigh of relief]