Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Slippery Slope

I just went downstairs for my morning swim, as I was a judge in a cake competition yesterday and also ate an unfortunate amount of food otherwise too, and was definitely in need of the exercise.

However I saw that there were far too many people in the pool, and I am now back upstairs in my apartment eating cheese and Ritz crackers.


Monday, June 29, 2009

Still Got It

After a few weekends that were neither quiet or retarded, one side finally won out this past weekend. Or at least for one night.

I met up with Juice, the Hickster, and a few stragglers on Friday night for a few drinks and "nothing too crazy". A few bottles of wine later I was destroying furniture at one of Sydney's most exclusive bars, and had trouble remembering how I got home. When I woke up on Saturday morning, the feeling that I might be dying was slightly outweighed by the comforting fact that no one else remembered getting home, although Juice did recall not being allowed to enter at least one rather trashy bar on Oxford Street.

After spending most of Saturday laying on the couch and hoping for a quick death, I allowed Junior to drag me to a showing of Transformers 2, which was shockingly bad enough to allow me to redirect my anger at myself for my hangover into fully fledged rage against those responsible for making such an awful movie.

We stopped by a 30th birthday later on but only lasted for 2 beers before I needed Indian food and my bed.

This was in sharp contrast to both Juice and the Hickster, one of whom started drinking before noon on Saturday despite waking up drunk, and the other partying until 7am Sunday morning and losing her third coat of the week.

I realize one shouldn't evaluate their lives by comparing themselves to their friends who are busy setting new standards for devious and self-destructive behavior, but it's really the only thing keeping my self-esteem afloat at the moment. I'm sure you understand.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

New Addition To My Shit List

From Overheard In New York:

Guy #1: Are you Xander with an x or Zander with a z?

Guy #2: An x.

Guy #1: Nobody likes a Xander with a z.

--Hunter College

I'm Getting Worse At This

Apologies for my absence, I'm not sure what excuse I can really provide for the fact that my commitment to blogging is deteriorating faster than the illusion of democracy in Iran.

In the meantime, my photo of the day:

Thursday, June 18, 2009

People Who Should Not Have A Job

I casually went to check the weather online and I noticed a scantily clad blonde dancing in the top right of my screen. I realize that some of the shock and tastelessness is lost without the animation, but I can't even begin to describe all of the things that are wrong with this ad:

I mean, where would one start? The incomprehensible text? (What's with the "4/9"? Is that a date?) The fact that regardless of the alphabet, "Alabama" should never the default option for anything? Or just the utter irrelevanance of a stripper when it comes to refinancing your home loan?

It's times like these, when unemployment is so high, that you have to wonder how the numerous people who must have been involved in getting that ad to where it is today are still being paid for anything.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Too Old For This

On Friday night I met up with a couple of work-related friends and we started drinking at a couple of the more respectable establishments in Sydney. Hours later we were hopping from one trashy bar to another on Oxford Street when the night ended around 2am because one girl seemed to have sprained or broken her ankle and couldn't actually walk. We confirmed the next morning that she was fine, meaning she was simply so drunk that her ankle had stopped working.

After sleeping until noon the next day, I managed to stay sober for just a few hours until meeting up with the Hickster and a few bottles of wine. My hopes of having a quiet-ish night to recover were clearly when I ended up dancing and doing shots at a club in the Cross after midnight, using someone's birthday as an excuse.

I think I have a problem.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Everything I Feared It Would Be

Despite the fact that I knew I'd essentially owe Mastercard my next paycheck when I got back from my South American holiday, I agreed before I left that I would do something I've always avoided - go on a cruise.

My mental image of cruises has always been a boat full of thousands of people whose average IQ doesn't come anywhere near triple digits and have a fashion sense that hasn't evolved since 1991 and wasn't acceptable back then either, in any case.

And so, when I boarded this cruise ship on Friday evening for a trip up the coast from Sydney to Brisbane, all of my fears were realized. Suddenly, I was surrounded by people with permed hair and tapered jeans who seemed to think they were living the life because they'd just spent what was probably a week's salary on a $400 2-day cruise.

While I will admit to having a good time, I can qualify that by saying that I was with a group of 7 people which meant we could close ranks and defend ourselves against the onslaught of bad taste and idiocy that we were surrounded by. I am also very thankful that I 'forgot' to bring my camera along, since there's only so much laughing one can do at this sort of a situation. In the absence of my own photos, here's one I found off the web that should suffice:

Needless to say, I will be drinking those memories away this weekend.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Oh Geez

It's Thursday and I haven't posted anything here since Saturday!

Tough shit.