- Going to someone's farewell lunch/drinks and telling them you're drinking champagne because "I can't think of a better reason to celebrate!" is not generally accepted behavior.
- Irish potato famine jokes never get old.
- Tying the potato famine and the holocaust together in one truly offensive remark is what makes me that special kind of asshole.
- As any self-respecting jerk knows, dating someone who doesn't speak English very well is awesome because seriously, it's just SO easy to make fun of them, and all of us can join in.
- Telling people "You look kind of homeless with a beard" is not constructive criticism.
- Zander + tequila = Catastrophe for everyone involved. Honestly that shit is so reliable at this point they should start teaching it in high school math classes.
I'd also like to thank Ellen and her cousin for the following comments:
"Does it annoy anyone else that all Asians don't speak the same language? I mean, come on."
"I'm American, I don't use chopsticks. Someone get me a fork."
Thanks ladies, cause we needed that refresher on why people keep thinking of ways to blow up the good ol' U.S. of A.