My Version Of The Pulitzers

Based on the events of the last 72 hours, I'd like to present some awards to all the people who made this weekend what it was:

The Seasoned Stalkers Award goes to Anita & Karen for dragging me and The Flattie along on a ridiculous goose chase to a bar on Friday night where their coworker MAY have been (and wasn't). Because I've always wanted to blow all of my cash on unnecessary cab fares to Bondi. In the pouring rain. Thanks ladies.

The Award for Fastest Best Friends Ever goes to the girlfriends of two coworkers at a housewarming party on Saturday who met each other at 2pm, and were rolling around drunk on the floor together (yes, literally) saying how much they loved each other by 6pm. I'm pretty sure both of your boyfriends were absolutely horrified. I, meanwhile, loved every second of it.

The What Have You Been Smoking Award clearly goes to Andrew (of "Who's Nelson Mandela?" fame), who managed to essentially trash a Thai Restaurant (food everywhere, broken wine glasses) but couldn't possibly have been that drunk at 7pm or whenever the hell it was. I can only assume he smoked some bad crack. Thank god we had the good sense to send him home.

The Award for Best Irish Goodbye goes to Justin, who walked into The Colombian with us, said something along the lines of "I'll be right back", and clearly walked straight out the back door of the bar, never to be heard from again. Fair enough, we wouldn't have let you leave without a fight.

The Enabler Award goes to Derek, who seems to delight in watching me make an absolute fool of myself, evidenced by the number of shots he insists on giving me every time we hang out. Dude, you are SO lucky I have a good sense of humour, even with people who are clearly set on having me deported before the end of the year for being such a drunken asshole.

And finally, I'll have to present the Most Vomit Inducing Text Message Award to Ellen, who seriously made me gag on Sunday morning with the simple words "Wanna do drinks this afternoon?", which makes me a bit nauseous even now because it's Monday and I'm still kinda hungover.

Oh wait, I seriously almost forgot this, don't ask me how -- the Holy Crap That's So Ridiculous It's Hilarious Award goes to my staff member who was supposed to be back in the office today after her holiday, but instead emailed (not even a phone call) to let us know that the earliest she can get back here is...wait for it...JULY 18TH. (Would have made a great phone call though: "Hi, I'm gonna be a little late to work. About six weeks late. Is that cool?") We'll be laughing about that one in the office for months, I assure you. You wouldn't know that because you just got a long overdue termination letter. Via email, of course.


And that's just the major highlights & lowlights, although honorable mentions would be Danny and Ellen getting to see my morning bus crush and encourage my harassment even further, and Tom Hanks managing to ruin The Da Vinci Code by being ugly and annoying.