Wednesday, November 15, 2006

There's Something On Your Face

Well, after an outrageously fun 10 days, Emla and Domini have left me all alone. It's a bit sad of course, and if I'm going to be in a less than stellar mood, I think it's the perfect time for an overdue rant.

This time it's something that has irritated me for over 2 weeks and promises to do so for another 2 weeks. See, here in Australia they have something called "Movember" -- where guys grow a "mo" (moustache) for a month to promote awareness of men's health issues. However, I have a few issues of my own:
  • The specific men's health issues that are named for this are "prostate cancer" and "male depression". I'm sorry, but did they just pick their health issues out of a hat?? What is the correlation here? Granted I imagine that if I was diagnosed with prostate cancer I'd be at least a little depressed, but that's neither here nor there. Shit like this makes me think I will grow a moustache in March, heretofore to be known as "Morch". It will be to promote awareness of ingrown toenails and lazy eyes.
  • I can't decide who I despise more -- guys who participate in this, or people who wear those lame ass LiveStrong wrist bands. It's all really the same thing.
  • How pissed off must all of their spouses be that their men have an excuse to look homeless for a whole month?
  • My absolute favourite has to be the guys who are participating in Movember but can be seen smoking outside their office buildings. Surely even the dumbest of the dumb should be recognizing the irony/idiocy of supposedly promoting men's health while sticking something in their mouth whose main ingredient is cancer. I can only imagine that all of these men are single, as it's hard enough to kiss a smoker without facial hair, I can't imagine what it would be like with one who has tufts of hair around their mouth that absorbs every puff of smoke that escapes their mouth.
  • Perhaps I'm just irriated by the sheer genuis of this promotion. I mean, men always seem to be looking for any excuse to have retarded and unattractive facial hair, whether it be a moustache, goatee or a soul patch. Now they can claim they are doing it for a good cause, instead of having to be one of those douches who have ugly facial hair year round and think they are getting away with it when it's so obvious to everyone else that they aren't.

Anyway that's all I have to say about that for now, but I feel better now that I've vented a little. Perhaps 1% of men in the world can pull off facial hair and not look like a twat, so I just wanted to make sure I had advised you that if you're reading this, there's a REALLY good chance that you're not one of them, though I'm sure you think otherwise.


Anonymous said...

hahaha i am *loving* "Morch". DO IT..

Anonymous said...



DJ Shovelpants said...

I really think you might be my brother from another mother.

1. Hate LiveStrong bands? CHECK.
2. Think smoking is for shitheads? CHECK.
3. Despise facial hair? CHECK. (well, except for my lame-ass white-boy soul patch)

Extra points for usage of the word 'twat.'

dollaelee said...

just trying to help out again...

The soul patch is a small patch of facial hair just below the lower lip and above the chin.

Zander said...

Chris -- I'm not interested in excuses.

DJS -- At least you refer to it as a "lame-ass white-boy soul patch". That's the first step in the program, if I remember correctly. One day you'll be recovered and I'll make sure you're invited to the family reunions.

Dolly -- You are now officially the research analyst for my blog. The pay is shit, but at least there's the glamour. Oh, wait...