Wednesday, August 02, 2006

If I Can Have A Moment

One of the best things about having a blog is that it gives you the chance to rant about stupid crap. I try not to do that too often simply because the blogging world is full of people whining and moaning about everyday things, and I would prefer not to be one of those miserable twats. But every now and then I feel compelled to comment on some of the daily occurences that are so insignificant, and yet aggravate me to no end.

Today it is my fellow bus passengers. Although I can't remember the last time I took a bus anywhere in New York, here in Sydney it's my preferred way of getting to and from work. For the most part I just try to read a book and ignore everyone, but I'm a bit of a people watcher (aren't we all) and if it's 6pm and I'm too tired to read, I listen to my fantastically bad pop music while staring at morons.

I actually have to restrain myself from yelling at the people who stand at a bus stop for a good 10 minutes and when the bus finally comes they are the first in the door, only to stand in everyone's way for god knows how long, fumbling around in their purse or bag looking for their travel pass. Excuse me, but did you not know you were getting on a bus?? I would assume since you stood at a bus stop and stepped onto one that it was your plan all along. Did it not occur to you that instead of gazing into the blue morning sky for 10 minutes like a lobotomized koala, you could perhaps take a few seconds to take care of this rather necessary step before it inconvenienced the other 50 people on their way to work? It is honestly only a matter of time before I'm in a really foul mood one morning and say something nasty to one of these people.

And joining those assholes in the land of cluelessness are the ones who get on the bus, and then stand there without holding onto a damn thing (despite there being 4 poles and 8 hand straps within reach) while squinting towards the back of the bus to see if they'd prefer to sit next to the fat and slightly insane-looking woman three seats from the back, or next to the blubbering toddler at the front. Um, excuse me shithead, but buses move. So when it does what buses do and begins to roll forward after closing its doors, don't look all surprised (or even better, shoot the driver a dirty look) when you go flying and end up with someone's umbrella in an uncomfortable part of your anatomy. The only reason I tend not to have to maim these characters is because they do such a good job of it themselves.

Anyway, those are pretty much the main offenders during almost each and every daily commute. I'd gladly pay extra taxes out of my paycheck if the Sydney Transportation Authority could pay someone to stand on each bus and bitch slap these idiots, but until that happens I will continue to be filled with the rage of a thousand burning suns at their dumbassery.


Jawnawthan said...

That phrase "lobotomized koala" just seemed to roll right off your keyboard . Sounds like someone's acclimating a bit too well. How's that accent comin? You going to sound like a Foster's commercial next time you come visit? And you give me shit for getting a local cell phone number...

Zander said...

Could have been worse, I could have spelled it "lobotomised" as they would here. Count your blessings, my friend.