Saturday, May 12, 2007

You Are Not Beyonce

Last week, two of my friends decided they were going to start a new diet. Some "Lemon Detox Diet" they had heard about somewhere. This diet essentially involves drinking water with lemon and some sort of syrup in it for about a week, and consuming NOTHING ELSE.

Now I realize many people will think that I have no right to comment on the way other people choose to lose weight, considering the only weight problem I've ever had is trying to keep it on. But I'm offended, not as a wannabe nutrition expert, but as someone with more than an ounce or two of common sense, logic, and a vague understanding of the human body that includes knowing that humans cannot survive on water and sugar for more than a few hours. Shocking, I know.

So I told off my friends many times before they started this diet, and I was dismissed and told "Well it worked for Beyonce!", without any mention of the fact that Beyonce has professional trainers and nutritionists to help her perfect something like this, if she even did it at all. And come on people, if this was a reasonable way to lose weight and keep it off, surely the folks who produce The Biggest Loser would be promoting this diet, instead of all that pesky fitness and healthy eating that they're always going on about for some odd reason.

Anyway, none of it really mattered, as both of them started the diet on Sunday...and were done with it by Monday. Sesame got to work with a fever and a headache on Monday morning and had to eat something by noon to prevent herself from passing out/dying, and Paddy crumbled not long afterwards, and I doubt it had much to do with me yelling things like "I'm not visiting you in the hospital when this all goes wrong, you morons!"

And that's the end of that story, I just felt it was important to share with you guys, in case any of you were thinking of doing something stupid like trying to survive on green leaves and Diet Coke for months at a time. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to a BBQ to stuff myself silly and drink for what should be at least a 10 hour marathon session, which I have more than earned because it's 3pm on Saturday and I've been at work for more than 4 hours. Unacceptable.

1 comment:

Freak Magnet said...

I said something to my doctor about wanting to lose weight, and he offered me a prescription for diet pills. I said, "Thanks, but the thought of pooping in my pants just doesn't appeal to me." (the new diet pills can do that to you) He said it all depended how desperate you are.

I told him I hope I'm never that desperate.