All Of You May Die

Eh, a quiet week so far (not including work being a bit hectic) so I think I'll just bitch about everyone and anyone. The following people dying would make my life more pleasant:

People who wear digital watches -- What are you 12 years old? Get a real watch dumbass, I'm sure you'll figure out how to tell time like all us other grown-ups soon enough.

Adults who wear backpacks -- Once again...how old are you? I'm not a briefcase man myself, but how about a stylish messenger bag? At least this way you don't look like you're walking because you missed the short bus to "special school" this morning.

People who read while walking down the street -- Holy crap, could you possibly be any more inconsiderate? Even if you manage not to bump into anyone (which is probably more because they are paying attention to what the hell is going on around them to make up for your obliviousness), surely you can wait 7 minutes to get home and find out that Dumbledore dies at the end? Twats.

People who whistle -- Hey cheesedick, there's a reason a song where someone whistling for the whole four minutes has never hit the top of the singles chart. BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING. Shut the f*ck up.

Fat people -- No this isn't one of my general rants against fat people. This is more specific, because it affects MY LIFE. My company is now only supplying "healthy" snacks in the rec areas of the office, mainly inspired by all of the fatties waddling around these days. So, no more tasty shortbread biscuits for slim little me anymore, all because Chubby McRetard couldn't keep his hand out of the cookie jar. Even better, the fruit is only delivered 3 times a week, which means that by Tuesday afternoon we have three boxes of rotting bananas and tangerines to walk by every time we want to get a glass of water. Great planning people.


I've got more but I need to go to lunch and eat something fattening enough to make up for the fact that I won't have a REAL afternoon snack today, or ever again. Sure these things may sound petty, but hey, it's the little things in life, as they say.