Saturday, March 10, 2007

Under The Knife

So it's a Saturday morning and for the first time in my life I am in the office on a weekend, which goes against all of my principles, but it's necessary. The reason for this is a long story but I'll try to summarize.

Back in November, I noticed that I had a lump above my groin and decided to see a doctor. I tend to get a bit silly about these things and had pretty much convinced myself that I had cancer or something awful, and so I was prepared for the worst. The conversation with the doctor went something like this...

Zander: Hi, so I have this lump and I'm worried it's a tumor or something, it doesn't seem right.

Doctor: Okay, let me see.

[shows doctor the lump]

Doctor: That's a hernia.

Zander: Oh, really? What's a hernia?

Doctor: [Boring and unnecessarily long explanation]

Zander: Oh, okay. So...[in Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] it's not a toom-ah.

Doctor: [Completely missing my hilarious Kindergarten Cop reference] It's a hernia.

Anyway, this all means that on Monday I will be going under the knife around midday to have my hernias (turns out there are two of them) repaired. I'm not particularly concerned about the operation itself (although I've never had one before), I'm actually far more anxious about how bored I'm going to be during the night I have to spend in the hospital and the week I'm expected to lie around my house doing nothing. From what I've heard, the recovery might be a breeze, however I've also heard more than a few testimonials about people not being able to get off a couch without screaming in agony for 2 weeks so I'm just gonna see how it goes. It also doesn't help that there was an episode of Scrubs on the other day where a teenager goes in for a routine hernia repair and ends up dying, but I probably shouldn't look to silly (but hilarious) sitcoms as reliable medical reference material.

This is all rather annoying, mostly because I don't actually DO anything (which is how normal people get hernias), therefore the only theory about how I got it is that I was laughing way too hard at one of my own lame jokes (as usual) and literally busted a gut.

This is also the busiest work has been since I started this job, with one of my proposals being accepted by a client last week and a half million dollar project starting next week, and I'm supposed to manage all of that on top of my ongoing work. Hence the reason I am at work on a Saturday morning. I had intended to finish up last minute items yesterday and ended up having literally back to back meetings from 9am until 6pm (some involving wine or beer, but that's besides the point) and being at my desk for a whole 30 minutes throughout the day. Then again in all fairness, I apparently seem to think I have time to write this blog post, so how bad can it be?

Don't worry though, none of this has put a damper on my weekend. Between last night's unexpected partying and my plans for tonight, I'm actually a little worried that they will slice into me on Monday and pure beer will come spewing out. Ah well, who cares, I'll be knocked out.

So let me end it there. Just wanted to let everyone know the reason the blog might go quiet for a few days. And if it goes quiet longer than that...well I suppose you can always read the archives.


Joseph said...

How was the hernia-ops negrodamus? Anybody there?? Alex, please be alive...We're moving into our 9th St./2nd Ave. apt and I need you to come visit soon. Next time, dont forget to tuck in your small intestines, it's hanging out.

Zander said...

As always, your sensitivity is greatly appreciated, Joe.