Tuesday, October 11, 2005

If I Don't Remember Most Of The Weekend, That Means I Had Fun

Sorry, but I'm getting totally hooked on these weekend recaps...


Yet another mess that started as a quiet dinner and turned into drunken buffoonery. Was just finishing dinner in a restaurant, getting ready to head home and get to bed early for once, when Kristy and Siobhan called from a nearby bar, clearly "drunk off their tits" as some here would say. So of course we decided to meet them for "just a couple of drinks".

Favorite conversation was as we were heading out of the second bar, on our way to the third...

Bouncer: She can't leave with that beer.

Siobhan: Oh please, I still have half of it left.

Bouncer: Nope, finish it or leave it.

John: If you let her take it with her, you can feel her tits!

Bouncer: I've had better offers.

Not a good night for Siobhan's cleavage, apparently.

We then headed to the Imperial for one of their world famous drag shows. Seriously, what's better than three drag queens doing a routine to all our favorite pop songs? Um, one of them being completely shit-faced and falling all over the stage, losing a shoe, and tripping through a curtain. Apparently this is how things usually go there, and this was only the 1am show, if you want a real treat you stick around for 2am.

We were contemplating if we wanted to do just that or go home, when we heard one of our favorite dance songs blasting from the club below and gunned it down the stairs. I seriously have to wonder if I've taken my euro-trash transformation about four steps too far when my favorite song is called "From Paris To Berlin". But then I remember that it's great to be me, and I don't really concern myself with such trivial problems.


To cleanse myself of the night before, I took a three hour nap before waking up for a birthday party that was at a club around the corner from my studio in sleaze central. In an attempt to be fashionably late, I decided I should kill some time having a cranberry vodka or four before heading out. I was a little concerned when I noticed that I'd had a third of the bottle of vodka and maybe a fifth of the bottle of cranberry juice, but by that time I was too late for the party to put much thought into it.

So of course a few hours later, I had introduced people to each other up to three times (I'm sure this gave everyone an opportunity to perfect their eye-rolls) and was having trouble standing up straight. There's also this dialogue at a fast food joint around 3 in the morning:

Zander: Ooh, this sandwich is spicy.

John: Yeah, you said you wanted the Portuguese Chicken.

Zander: Ah...

Seconds later...

Zander: Ooh, this sandwich is spicy.

John: You just said that.

Zander: No way, that was my first bite.

John: You've eaten half of it already.

Zander: No I didn't. You did.

John: I'm not talking to you anymore, you're off your chops.

Yeah whatever. Good times. Except for the raging hangover the next morning, but really that comes with the territory, and according to the next day's text messages I wasn't obnoxiously drunk, I was "delightful", whatever that's supposed to mean.

Anyway I think it's about Tuesday, and I just got back from playing with koalas and kangaroos, because clearly what marsupials really want to spend time with is a freakishly tall half black dude who is still oozing the remnants of the weekend out of his pores. Wow, that sounds really unattractive, let me stop typing now.


emla said...

Dude, you must send me this
"Paris to Berlin" song posthaste. I want to take my Euro-ness 4 steps too far and it's hard to do in America.

Dorothy said...

Everytime i read your blog it makes me laugh. You have some pretty interesting nights. Whats up with the Koalas and Kangaroos thing or is that a joke?

Truecraig said...

You know, there's nothing wrong with repeating yourself whilst in the grips of a vodka vice. It's standard, really.

Besides, it gives all the sad, sober fools something (finally) to feel better about themselves (or so they think - suckers!).

Zander, you are the drunken wonder from down under.

Truecraig said...

"wonder"... "down under"...

Yeh, that's pretty much lame. That's why I like it so much.

Zander said...

emla - the song is on it's way, it's on today's to-do list, under "spread my trashiness across the globe"

dorothy - no seriously, i was playing with koalas and kangaroos the other day, but the koalas were high on eucalyptus and the kangaroos were fat from everyone feeding them, so it was more like petting them while they were sleeping or something.

craig - your lameness is forgiven, mostly because i think i've already called myself that in the past month.