1) A small bowl of mac and cheese is not enough to absorb a liter of vodka and a long island iced tea.
2) Despite what you think at the time, it is never a good idea to buy a trucker hat that says "ROCK OUT WITH YER COCK OUT" and wear it around Manhattan.
3) When you're caught making out with someone you're not supposed to be making out with, you need a better cover than "Uh...I thought I was bleeding. He was checking for me." (Seriously that has to the lamest one I've ever heard, my friends are idiots when they're drunk)
4) If you show up to the first bar of the night, someone says "You should get a drink!" and you respond with "Nah it's cool, I have one in my coat", it's probably time to head home and re-evaluate your life.