Note to Self

For future reference, getting smashed and telling racist jokes to 65-year old white women is not (I repeat, NOT) the appropriate way to give thanks for what we have and who we love.

Sample excerpt below (slurring has been removed from transcript for greater ease of reading).

Me: Oh wait you have to hear this. Why do black men cry during sex??

[blank look from other guests]

Me: IT'S THE MACE! HA! GET IT?! THE MACE!

[awkward silence, horrified stares]

Me: HA! HAHAHAAH! THE MACE! HAHAHA

[my mother shakes her head in utter disappointment in the background]

Me: WHERE'S THIS GOD DAMN TURKEY ANYWAY?!