Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Just Call Me David Brent

So yes, as briefly mentioned before, I have received my first proper Australian job offer. Now keep in mind that generally I've been looking for jobs similar to what I did in the U.S. -- vague middle management positions where I can blatantly do nothing and get away with it. Combine that with the fact that my "job search" would make even the most seasoned of lifetime welfare recipients blush ('God, I just sent in a resume and I'm exhausted! I need to take the rest of the day off and go to the beach.'), and I was pretty sure I'd be heading back to the US in a couple of months to attempt to get serious about life again, having not worked a day in my Australian life.

Imagine my surprise then, when a company showed so much interest in me that they offered me an actual management position. No, not one of those roles (like my previous one) that had 'manager' in the title but didn't actually have any hire/fire responsbilities. They actually want me to manage an entire web production team. In addition to sending me on a power trip, the contract they sent me includes the following:
  • a rather comfortable compensation package
  • a company mobile phone
  • a parking space (which makes it SO tempting to get a car, I must say)
  • they will pay the $5000 to sponsor me for a work visa, if things are going well after the initial two months
  • I would be "a member of the senior management team"

Honestly, who's resume did they confuse mine with that makes me qualified for this role? I realize Australia has a bit of a drug culture, but I didn't realize that was to the extent of smoking crack just before interviewing potential managers.

Seriously people, this is the stuff sitcoms are made of. Specifically The Office (hence the title of the post, for those not familiar with the original British version), but maybe I'd be able to inspire a new one. Anyone I've told simply begins laughing at the thought of me in a position of authority, and I don't really blame them.

Fortunately there is the 2-month trial window, at the end of which I can either make a run for it because actual responsibility is terrifying, OR they can tell me to get lost because all I've done is reinforced their stereotypes about both black people and Americans. Either way, I think it's only fair that I give it a shot, don't you? (Actually I'm 100% sure you all agree, cause this can only mean some awesome blogging material.)

Almost forgot an even better part -- if I am sponsored and end up staying on at the company, the Australian government has something called the "Living Away From Home Allowance" that basically entitles you to thousands more dollars a year simply for not being from Australia. Yes, really.

6 comments:

Truecraig said...

I expect your dance routine to be just as sharp as Brent's. I recommend the usually ill-advised use of the Chicken Leg or the Sprinkler. Either, or both. Yes.

Zander said...

Oh I break out The Sprinkler like nobody's business, believe you me. They won't know what hit them. Literatlly.

Zander said...

Or maybe even 'literally'.

*While I'm back here, can we talk about the word verification again?? Last time it was an easy to read 5 letter word, now it's 12 letters that loop into themselves so I can barely figure out what they are. Hey, Blogger, you listenin?

n. jax said...

why are you the luckiest bastard i know? freaking allowance for not being australian!???!!!

that allowance is better than patrice's alaska allowance cuz well, you don't ever have had to live in alaska to get it...

Jonathan said...

wait... you're black?

Vicki said...

Yeah, fuck blogger. I always fail those word "verifications" if that's what they really are. More like sobriety tests to make sure you're not drunk-commenting. My fingers are crossed that I'll beat the system this time. Come on doosv, come through for me.