Questions Regarding Friday Night

So after much discussion and even photos to document the night, we are still left with many questions regarding what the hell happened on Friday night, as no one remembers events quite that clearly. So I will post these questions here in the hopes that someone will come across them and one day shine some light on why we are such idiots.


Question #1: WHEN did it become a good idea to start drinking at 6pm on a Friday night at an establishment that serves 25 cent beers?

Question #2: WHY, after all of our ghetto ranting and raving (the topic was possibly oppression of the dark races), are we still allowed on the Upper East Side?

Question #3: WHY, only minutes after learning that grapefruit juice exacerbates the effects of alcohol on your body, did we immediately pour ourselves multiple grapefruit and vodkas?

Question #4: WHAT is it that makes Jordan's Cheesepocalypse ("A cheese snack so devastating that it could potentially bring about the End of Days.") so absolutely perfect?

Question #5: WHY is this picture so representative of our relationship with alcohol?

Question #6: HOW is Jordan such a good dancer, and why won't he teach me his secrets?

Question #7: WHO in christ's name thought it was still a good idea to go to a club after Jessica put on her dance show?

Question #8: WHY do taxi drivers love us? We're dark and we're assholes.

Question #9: WHO lets us into a club when half of us can barely stand up straight?

Question #10: HOW did we not get kicked out after claiming a reserved table for ourselves, dancing like assholes in the middle of the club, and dropping/breaking not one, not two, but FOUR glasses in the course of two hours? (Seriously -- at one point the barback was just standing nearby waiting for the next drink to fall. I shit you not.)

Question #11: HOW did Cristin manage to snag the hottest chick in the club?

Question #11: WHY is Joe such a douche?

Question #12: HOW did Jessica manage to spill Captain Morgan all over the inside of her purse?


Please email all answers to ZanderMan@gmail.com. Cheers.