Another Weekend, Another Portion Of My Liver Destroyed

The usual antics this weekend -- a boozy dinner on Friday, drinking from 5pm on Saturday, and a Sunday that was supposed to be quiet, but we ended up ordering bottles of wine at 1pm and I was legless and incoherent by 7pm. I am so tragic sometimes.

Easily the most upsetting part of the weekend was Saturday when a bunch of us went 10-pin bowling for a friend's birthday. Because Australians aren't as exposed to bowling as we are in the US, most of them suck. So as we entered the 10th frame, I was well in the lead (the only person over 100) between all 4 lanes.

I should also mention that I warned a couple of people that I am a sore loser and that it was in their best interests to let me win the game. Alas, some people clearly can't follow directions and some asshole went and got 3 strikes in the last frame, leaving me in the dust. I was seriously livid and couldn't speak to him without sneering for over an hour. I'm mature like that.

Anyway I'm over it and a game of Trivial Pursuit has been planned for the weekend so I will have the chance to redeem myself. The sad thing is that I'm such a sore winner as well. Sometimes I can't believe I have friends.

Photographic Inspiration

Nothing that fascinating to say here today -- last night was another trivia night, but we came in around 5th place. I probably didn't help by starting to doze off after I'd had a few beers, but I was too tired to care.

Fortunately I've had a good night's sleep and we're less than 10 minutes away from the always perfect beer o'clock, so tonight should be a little more energetic on my part.

I will however leave you with a photo I like to call "Halfway Through Tuesday Night With Two Co-workers":


Not that I can remember what that table looked like a few hours later, but we can assume it wasn't pretty.

Also, In Music News...

One of the supposedly shocking stories of the week is that Lance Bass from NSync is finally coming out of the closet. I don't really have much to say on it other than to hand out this advice:

1) If you are surprised that he is gay, do not admit this to anyone. It will make you look like an idiot, unless you are deaf and blind. Even if you somehow never saw an NSync video or interview, his name is LANCE, for the love of gayness.

2) Gay men -- I realize there aren't many gay celebrities to choose from out there, but no, he has never been, is not currently, and will never be "hot" or "cute", unless you're generally attracted to individuals who resemble a retarded gerbil. Once again, if these thoughts occur to you do not let ANYONE know, since god knows the last thing the world needs is another homo with low standards. In support of this statement, I present the supposed People magazine cover:

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Pop Trash

Okay so I'm not Billboard magazine, and I don't expect anyone to really care what I think, but there seems to have been a lot of "big" new songs out in the past month or so and I feel the need to comment on a few of them:


Christina Aguilera, "Ain't No Other Man"

I've never been a huge Christina fan, I find her voice annoying and it certainly doesn't help that she's about 4 feet tall and pretty damn fugly even after thousands of dollars of makeup are thrown on that mug of hers. There are trolls under bridges somewhere that have more potential than this one in the looks department. Having said that, I kinda liked a few songs off of her last album so I was pretty disappointed by this lame effort. Really now, if you're going to make us wait years for a new single, why does it have to be so retro that it just sounds old and dated? I'm mostly sure that it was just an excuse for her to keep attempting to pull off her whole Marilyn Monroe-wannabe look for another 5 minutes, as if we're all going to forget her looking disgusting and humping a guy in mid-air in the video for "Dirrrrrty".


Beyonce, "Deja Vu"

I think this is one of those cases where an artist shoots themselves in the foot by having a song so massive that they can never live up to it again. I think most people can agree that "Crazy In Love" was a classic pop song, proven by the fact that dance floors will still get packed even when it's been played at every club, every night, for the last few years. This new song is probably better than the other singles from the last album, but if you had to choose which one to get a party started, CIL would still win out. At least she gets a little attention for her dancing in the video, which is either derived from an epileptic seizure or simply an interpretation of Shakira on crack. I kinda like it.


Fergie, "London Bridge"

See, now this is a good first single. Not because it's soooo good and no one will deny it (I can only imagine how much some people must hate this one) but because it's just gimmicky enough to be a huge hit and then fade from the public consciousness before this chick releases her next album. I'm also still really torn on whether or not Fergie is attractive or not -- I see what people mean about her looking plastic and odd, but there's still something really hot about her. The legs, perhaps?


Justin Timberlake, "Sexyback"

Honestly, I don't really know what to say about this. I can't believe after such an entertaining first album that this steaming pile of crap is what we're supposed to be happy with after years of waiting. Does anyone like this? Do I just need to give it a few more chances? And how can Timbaland make such a great song for Nelly Furtado and then leave this for JT? I bet Justin wishes he had done "Promiscuous". But whatever, you know everyone will buy this album, so in the end he still wins.



Otherwise, I am still enjoying the sillier aspects of music that places like Australia and Europe seem to love so much. Why just the other day I saw a remix of a Michael Jackson song (I think it was "Somebody's Watching Me") where they re-enacted the "Thriller" video but it was in a subway station (a la "Bad") and best of all MJ was replaced with a midget version. Creepy and fantastic.

There's also a Basement Jaxx video (which are always awesome) for their song "You Don't Know Me" that I hadn't seen before, where they have a Queen Elizabeth II look-a-like running around London drunk, going to strip clubs, starting fights on the street and fare-dodging on the tube. Even though I knew it wasn't her I kept thinking "oh my god, I can't believe she just did that!", which may officially make me a moron.

Okay, Maybe That Should Be Betty Crackhead

Thank god it's the thought that counts, cause god damn my cupcakes were a disaster.

Everything was fine until it was time to make the icing. It told me to mix the powder with three tablespoons of soft butter and ONE tablespoon of milk. Didn't sound right to me either, and I ended up with lumpy chocolate powder. Went to pour in a little more milk and it was all downhill from there. At that point all I had was a runny chocolate sauce, so what else does one do but add some flour?

After all that it had all these white flecks in it, which were either butter or flour and I couldn't get them out, so I just put some rainbow sprinkles on top and left it at that. The Flattie claims they taste fine, but I have a feeling there was some purging going on a little later that morning.


Anyway if you'll pardon me, I'm heading to a Scissor Sisters concert that I'm actually not all that excited about. Who says a few beers can't change my outlook on that, though.

Just Call Me Betty Crocker

Right, well I'd like to get past the unpleasantness of the last couple of posts & comments, so why don't we talk about the weekend.

After a really horrible week, the last thing I needed on Friday night was drinks in a quiet bar, so we all met up at that bar every city has where people go straight after work to get sloshed on a dancefloor before it's even 7pm. The place where "Crazy In Love" will never get old, and they WILL find a way to work in "Livin' On A Prayer" before the night is over. You know what I'm talking about.

Headed to a late dinner that night, where I've never been so grateful for a waiter to forget to bring our bottle of wine, since I'm pretty sure that would have ruined Saturday for me. Poured myself into a taxi and passed out at home with a belly full of beef stroganoff.

Saturday meant the usual afternoon drinking, a BBQ, more dancing, and the realization that some people can't go 24 hours without having an in-depth discussion on the topic of scat. Said people are gross and need to refrain from such conversation while I am in earshot. But I digress...

And Sunday was Yum Cha (Dim Sum) followed by a viewing of The Break-Up, which was neither painful nor particularly funny. Some weird mix of drama and attempt at comedy that just didn't really work out. And for the record I had no interest in seeing it, but was overruled by two friends and gave in, being the gracious friend that I am.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So now it's 4 something in the morning on Tuesday, and I am going between emailing, blogging and baking birthday cupcakes for The Flattie before she wakes up in a couple of hours. This may seem unnecessary, but that would only be because you aren't aware that yesterday morning I forgot she was taking the day off and sleeping in, and proceeded to blast the radio in the bathroom for a solid 20 minutes. So I'm not sure that 12 chocolate cupcakes (with rainbow sprinkles! HAAAYYYYY!!) really makes up for me singing and grooving to Fergie and Beyonce at 7am while you're trying to catch up on sleep, but let's hope it helps just a little bit.

You Don't Have To Tell Me

I know I'm not supposed to, but god I LOVE Fergie's new song and video and will probably be listening to it at least 8 times a day for the next 2 months.

That is all. Enjoy the weekend. Except for "judgmental chick" who commented on my last post. I hope they run out of beer in her town.

Still Drinking, I Swear

So it's Friday and I think this may only be my second post this week. I promise I'm not sobering up or anything, have just been insanely busy at work and they've put the firewall back up so Blogger is pretty much #1 on the list of things that are clearly not work-related. All very miserable, and I even went and bought a new watch to make myself feel better, which kinda worked.

I assure you, however, that I am still trashed almost every night of the week. Wednesday night involved going for "one drink" at the pub with coworkers and stumbling into the apartment around 1am. And last night was a friend's birthday dinner which all started out mellow enough, but by the end of it people were drunkenly announcing things that had managed to be kept secret for months. After dinner drinks were at a bar where some loser evictee from the Aussie Big Brother was the main attraction, which was pretty much enough for me to put down my half-finished beer and head home.

Anyway, I realize it's a lame update, but I am still alive and drunk, and at the top of the task list today is buying a black mask for a party on Saturday night...

Back To My Old Tricks

So I was basically drunk for the last 5 days and for some reason I'm feeling rather functional. Which is a sign of actual alcohol addiction, but I won't worry about that until I need a major organ transplant. I'm clever like that.

Friday was the usual drinking with coworkers, followed by hanging out with my actual friends (just kidding, I love drinking with my coworkers, they laugh at my jokes because most of them work for me). Ended that night the best way I know how -- shoving massive amounts of Indian food into my face (seriously, it could have fed a family of 4) and passing out smelling like curry.

Saturday was pretty much awesome. One of the things I love about the lifestyle here is that it's never too early to start drinking. I personally think it should wait until after 12 noon, so I scheduled an afternoon drinking session with friends starting at 2.30. Ellen and I split about 5 bottles of white wine between us, and a few of the guys wanted to catch up and figured they would order double Jack Daniels and Cokes for most of the evening. While this ended in an unfortunate number of people spewing their guts out well before 12am, I'm going to classify this night as a hit. This is of course excluding hearing for the 5th time about how a certain someone was caught by his uncle having sex with his cousin. Ew ew ew ew ew.

What I love about drinking early is that if you have the good sense to head home before midnight, you wake up feeling not too bad the next day. Sunday started out innocent enough, seeing a midday showing of Pirates of the Caribbean II. However we quickly found ourselves opening up a few bottles of Carlton Draught before 2pm, and back at the previous night's bar by 4pm. Which of course left me in stunning form for Monday morning at work, but it's nothing they haven't seen before.

The only other thing I feel obligated to mention is on Sunday when we were at someone's house, and when one of our hosts asked the other to get him a beer, the second responded with "When did your last black man die?", clearly forgetting he had a certified negro sitting in his lounge room. Naturally we capitalized on this later by calling him a racist until we had him in tears, in the middle of a bar. I literally laughed so hard my jaw was hurting. I love being evil.

When I told someone else about this, he didn't bat an eye -- apparently it's a rather common saying?? How did I miss this? And of course I'm the only person who hears a racist expression and is less upset about the racism than he is about not having come up with it first.

Okay I Suck

It's Friday and I've barely posted. All I can tell you is that I am on a mission this weekend. Apart from the fact that I'm still in the office and just finished a game of drunken foosball (I won, but only because I threated the guys on the other team with additional clients if they beat me), and we're now off to the pub.

In addition there are plans for tomorrow to start drinking before 3pm, god knows where that will end up. So just hang in there for some tales of debauchery by Monday or so.

Excuses, Excuses

Towards the end of June I was doing a pretty good job of blogging almost every day. Then, my real job got in the way.

Anyone familiar with my usual work habits will find this shocking, but I have been working my ass off for the past week and a half, and there is no end in sight. What caught me off guard is that it coincided with a rather large pay increase, and as far as I've always been told, the amount of work one has to do is supposed to be inversely proportional to the amount of money they make. Unfortunately for me, it's like someone told my entire company and all of our clients that I was now expected to work harder to earn my new salary, and everyone has been more than happy to do their part. At one point this morning I actually had to shut the door to my office for an hour just so I could get through some crucial stuff. I can promise you that any friends or former coworkers who just read that last sentence are shocked and appalled.

So it's been over a week of this level of work and I've started to evaluate the pros and cons...

Cons:

• Much less time to surf the my favourite sites on the web
• Absolutely no time to run personal errands etc. (I want a new watch and haven't had time to run downstairs and get one)
• I actually (as in literally) want to beat people who ask me stupid questions that waste my time, instead of just rolling my eyes at their ignorance and moving along with my day
• During the first week I would literally wake up in the middle of the night thinking about things I had to get done the next day

Pros:

• I no longer feel guilty every time I'm handed my pay stub
• Similarly, when I lecture my staff about productivity, I no longer feel like a massive hypocrite
• The day literally flies by -- what do you MEAN it's 4pm already?
• I still find the time to respond to silly email chains between groups of friends
  

So that's about it -- random musings on attempting to develop a proper work ethic, but also some kind of explanation for why I may go for a couple of days at a time without a post here. Let's hope it's just a phase.

Living In A Material World

I generally don't consider myself a materialistic person. I love fun new gadgets as much as the next person, but I'll spend my money on a big boozy weekend or an exotic overseas holiday long before I insist on having the badass new speakers for my mp3 player that everyone's talking about.

The same has generally applied for mobile phones -- I won't get the cheapest phone in the store, but I also don't need to spend more than $200 on one since god knows I'm going to drop it 8 times within the first week of owning it.

However I was in a certain mood last week and decided that since I have extra spending cash I may as well treat myself, and instantly fell in love with the new LG Chocolate phones as soon as I saw a picture of one. Even though it breaks my rule of not needing a phone to be a camera, mp3 player and who knows what else at the same time, it was just too pretty and I couldn't help myself. Naturally it will be months before I figure out how to use it properly without accidentally calling people via the touch-sensitive keypad, but at least I look hot holding it.

Of course getting them to successfully port my number from the old phone to the new one was easily more of a hassle than getting a 4-year work visa to remain in Australia. After the first two completely failed attempts, I actually went through about 36 hours where some calls were going to my old phone and some to my new phone, and believe me, when you're a black guy with two mobile phones the drug dealer jokes never stop. I had to call my old service provider and break up with them, since apparently signing a contract with someone else wasn't enough of a sign that it was over between us. I think we're both moving on now though, and we'll be better off for it.

Anyway that's it, just bragging about my new toy. And of course I'll want a new one in 3 months when every idiot and his dog has one of their own. Ah well. I think I'll go accidentally delete vital files from it now.

And It's Official...

Last night was trivia night again, and we had a good showing but didn't win it this time. Came in second or so, and won a pitcher of beer. Good enough, I suppose.

But what really concerns me is that I'm apparently an even bigger geek than I thought. There were all kinds of questions about history, pop culture and sports that I was completely stumped on. The one question that I was the only person in the bar to know, almost off the top of my head? "How many tires are there on a Boeing 747 airliner?" The fact that I was able to visualize a 747 and count that there are 18 tires pretty much means I now have a stamp on my forehead reading "DORK". I will never live this down. (Probably doesn't help that 3 of my last 5 posts are about something trivia-related. God I need a real life.)

I Am So Smart! I Am So Smart!

Had a mostly quiet weekend. That is if you don't include the 12 hours of drinking on Saturday, which obviously doesn't count because the first half of that was just supplementary to our game of Trivial Pursuit.

As anyone who has played almost any game with me would know, I get annoyingly competitive during these things. So imagine my dismay when after the first two hours I still had NO wedges and my two opponents (another dropped out because he was doing as badly as I was) each had three.

But apparently cheap white wine is my brain juice, because guess who won the game after two bottles of the stuff? That's right, you guessed it. And these poor people who have never seen my sore winner side now have to put up with the endless gloating, until we play again and I lose miserably.

And naturally after two bottles of wine, why would you stop? Went out and acted like a moron, but it's all the usual crap so I won't bore you with the details. Just think about how smart I am instead.