Friday, February 24, 2006

Behind The Music That Sucks

So granted, I am no authority on 'good music', whatever that is supposed to mean anyway. I appreciate crap simply because it's crap (with a catchy beat, of course), and I think there's nothing wrong with that. However, there is definitely something wrong with music that is so awful and lacking in appealing qualities that I can't even like it in an ironic way. And on that note, I present the following songs that are irritating the shit out of me at the moment:

Pussycat Dolls, "Beep"

It's upsetting enough that these silly twats made it past one hit wonder status (I will admit that "Dontcha" is a catchy track, even if it makes me want to jam steak knives in my ears) with a song moronically named "Stickwitu", but is this really the best they can drag off of the album for a third single? I'm sure it'll achieve some level of success based on their adoring fan base of 14 and under navel-baring females, but I don't think it should be cluttering up MY radio and music video channels. Good lord.

Kanye West & Adam Levine, "Heard Em Say"

I generally like Kanye's stuff, but what the hell was he thinking with this one? Attempting to listen to this makes me feel like I'm locked in a video game arcade hall with a whiny jewess (aka Adam Levine of Maroon 5), my only clear option is to throw myself through a plate glass window to get out, and somehow that seems less painful than staying where I am. My flatmate is currently trying to persuade me to go with her to a Kanye concert in March, but I might need to bring earplugs for this little ditty.

Beyonce, "Check On It"

Listen, B -- I realize this is only a soundtrack single, and it doesn't require nearly as much effort as a proper album track, but honestly, this isn't even a Destiny's Child B-side. And I think you know it too, judging by the way you felt the need to achieve new levels of nakedness and rap video skank-dom in the video for it. But you're better than that. We all know it. So let's just put this one behind us and move on to an awesome sophomore effort, mmkay? Love you too, you naughty girl, you. Zander xx


Joe said...

you son of a bitch...for all the crap you listen to and all the good indie rock i dig...i actually enjoy the last two songs in your diatribe against musical inanity. WTF.. (and I haven't even heard the pussycat dolls song you refer to, so thats up in the air, still) God, those songs are on the good end of the pop music spectrum that's out there right now...i mean couldnt you have included 'my humps' or that jaime foxx song....i hate you so much...(singing to myself)"Ohh Boy you looking like you like what you see
Won't you come over check up on it, I'm gone let you work up on it
Ladies let em check up on it, watch it while he check up on it
Dip it, pop it, twork it, stop it, check on me tonight" (lyrical genius, right there)

emla said...

Joe, you're an asshole. Why does everyone hate "My Humps?" I freaking LOVE that song and all of the stupid website inanity it has spurned.

I gotta say, thought, that Kanye West has gone off the deep end a little and is treading crazy water. Did you see him with those gold-painted ladies at the Grammies? And, what was he wearing?

Zander said...

"My Humps" is a masterpiece for two reasons. A) It's idiotic and has an awesome beat. A deadly and fabulous combination. And B) Can't you just picture Jessica (with Emily backing her up) performing this at Planet Rose Karaoke in April? Oh I think you can.

Dorothy said...

I really like the Beyonce one It got my attention at my friends bachaelorette party when we went to a club and they played it like a million times. Good tune, musically speaking!