Friday, July 08, 2005

Slipping in the Ratings

Well, I'm back from Hawaii, and while I'm not very happy about it (my tan isn't nearly as flattering under fluorescent lighting, go figure), I thought the least I could do was give you a top three list of the biggest drunk assholes at the wedding I was attending in Kauai. Enjoy.

#3 Zander

Yes, that's right. Me. I know many of you are disappointed that I'd end up at anything less than numero uno on this list, but I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised. My worst behavior, other than my awful dancing, consisted of making out with a huge fish statue, but that's practically required at this point.

And I may have been a little intimidated by the competition...

#2 Neil

I'm never sure if I should be chalking this guy's behavior up to alcohol or the fact that he's a total spaz. I mean, this is the same guy that showed up to my apartment for a party a couple of years back, spotted a bottle of MD20 that someone had brought as a joke, and downed most of it himself before the night was over. Seriously, I didn't know anyone outside of the homeless community drank that stuff.

Anyway, I have yet to upload the pictures from the event, but they definitely speak for themselves. His dance moves are out of this world, and he managed to piss off his date (we're still trying to figure out if they were dating or what) by hitting on various other wedding guests. Way to go dude, especially when you're at a wedding reception where you know for a FACT that the bride used to think you were a douche.

#1 "Shitshow"

I'll spare this groomsman the use of his name, although this is what he ended up being called for most of the evening anyway.

While you might think shaking his ass in the mother-of-the-bride's face repeatedly would be the worst of it, I'm inclined to say it was later on at a bar when he was given a glass of water, and almost drowned. That's right. DROWNED. In a GLASS OF WATER. You can say it isn't possible, but you weren't there.

The vomiting at the table was also a bit gross, but let's not pretend it's anything ground-breaking.

To top it all off, he had NO recollection of any of this the next day, and seemed surprised that we were maybe just a tad concerned for his liver in the morning.

Regardless, I'm hoping to have a full Hawaii trip photo album online by tomorrow or so. I expect you all to be waiting with bated breath. Or jealous loathing, whichever seems more appropriate.

1 comment:

emla said...

HA. You making out with statues kills me. God.