Monday, March 16, 2009

Nevermind, I'm Just Awesome (Relatively Speaking)

I would like to immediately retract all of my statements in my last post about being a sad old man because I am planning my 30th birthday party 9 months in advance.

The about-face is because last night I got home (from my 4th night of drinking in a row, but that's another blog post) and received a birthday invitation for the 30th birthday picnic of a former high school friend who now lives in D.C., which included the following line:

"If you want to bring food to share, I would appreciate it being vegan."

And so, my comments:
  • Have you ever received an invite asking that all the food brought to a picnic or pot luck dinner be "appropriate for omnivores"? There's a reason for that. It's rude and self-centered, considering the vast majority of invitees are likely to be normal. Get over yourself, and bring your own cardboard to munch on if you're going to be difficult.
  • This is why no one likes vegans.
  • Who throws a picnic for their 30th? Picnics are for sunny Sundays, or when your children turn 6. Be a little more creative.
  • You've invited 250 people to your birthday picnic. I will be impressed if more than 4 show up after reading your request for vegan food, mostly because non-vegans generally find it hard to figure out what weird restrictions there are in vegan diets and after looking it up probably won't be enthused about attending an event where everyone is determined to eat only lentils and tree bark.
  • While I'm fortunate enough to have "I live in Australia" as an excuse, I would be more than ready to think of a few good ones if I lived anywhere near D.C., or even in the actual park that you are throwing this painful-sounding event.

The major positive of all this includes that I can at least feel comfort in the fact that my 30th birthday won't suck as much as this one, as I imagine 9 months of planning should at least result in something marginally better than a vegan picnic.


Drew said...

That makes me crave veal.

Vicki said...

And foie gras.