Would You Like Fries With That?

Due to my painful hangover yesterday, I only lasted until around 8pm last night before I had to say goodnight to my colleagues so I could go home and die.

That ended up being rather tame compared to several people I know. Apart from Murphy calling me at 5am to let me know he was just getting home after a night out with his own coworkers, Mickey easily takes the cake by nonchalantly telling us about how he ended up drunk at McDonald's around midnight, got into an argument with the cashier, and ended up throwing his hamburger at the manager. I didn't realize people who weren't homeless crackwhores did things like that. Nicely done.

Since I've been feeling pretty good about life today (thanks to a good night's sleep), I decided splitting a bottle of wine with Katie Tay at lunch couldn't hurt. Now it's almost 5pm, I'm sitting at my desk with a beer in my hand, and completing my career plan, which I feel can only possibly improve if written while I'm intoxicated. Something tells me I'm not making firm partner next year...

Drunk Logic

Met up with Sesame for "a drink" yesterday. We decided that since we were both drinking white wine, we may as well get a bottle. Then of course one of us had bought the first bottle, so we had to let the other one buy another bottle so we'd be even. Of course then Paddy showed up and had to get another bottle.

A few beers after that, we were all drunkenly ordering pizza on Oxford Street, after meeting a guy who claimed he "fixes cigarette lighters for a living". Sorry, I wasn't aware that was a full-time job.

So now I'm at work the next day, and I have to squint to make out what anything on my computer monitor says.

And there are work drinks tonight...

All Out Of Excuses

Despite all my apologies, it seems that I'm getting worse at updating this thing on a regular basis.

Not much to tell at the moment, however I will try and give a few tidbits of the weekend.

Friday night was a quiet one, as planned. I had a few beers in the office as usual, and since there's a recruiting focus for our company this month, people are expected to get up and tell stories about successful recruiting.

So one of the directors got up and told a story about how last year they'd had a lot of trouble finding an experienced project manager, and finally someone came along, and it was me! So I was very flattered and she talked about how great I've been. But of course...she couldn't let me get away that easily. Finally she got to the end of her story, and she said "It's Zander. He's perfect. Just ask him." Which led to everyone in the room laughing at me for five minutes straight, since I'm pretty much known for sitting around in the office talking about how awesome I am in general. Ah well, comes with the territory, I say.

Saturday was a little more eventful. I made last minute plans to meet friends for lunch, and of course we decided we should order a bottle of wine (since my lessons from last week clearly didn't stick). Around 11 hours later I was staggering home from a trashy bar shoving NY-style pizza into my face and drunk texting anyone I could think of.

And so Sunday was all about recovery. I cancelled plans for lunch (god knows where that would have left me) and only left my apartment to buy food for dinner.

Now it's Wednesday, I've been mostly sober since the weekend, and to make up for that I have plans to drink every single day from now until Monday (it's a long weekend). Pray for my liver.

I'm Not Dead

Sorry I've been so crap at updating this week -- work has actually picked up again, and looks like it might be riding me hard for a few weeks at least.

I'm not even sure I have good stories for you. Tuesday night was Katie Tay's birthday and that was a good time, although the conversation was probably too filthy for me to print anything here. As a matter of fact, we're pretty sure the couple at the table next to us finished their meal a little faster because they didn't want to hear it anymore.

Speaking of Katie Tay, she probably had the best "Do you remember..." story from last Friday night. It went something like..."Do you remember stopping by my house on the way home? And as you left and I shut the door behind you, you opened my letterbox and yelled 'I CAN SEE YOUR VAGINA!' before finally leaving." I don't, in fact, remember doing that, but I think I'm hilarious.

And that, my friends, is the reason tonight will be a quiet one.

Zander Style

Despite going into the weekend without any real plans (or maybe because I went into the weekend without any real plans) I essentially ended up drunk for 48 hours.


FRIDAY

It all started when my coworkers and I agreed to "grab a drink" at Martin Place Bar. Four hours, too many shots, and more than a little dancing later, we all piled onto a bus and decided to have a massive sing-a-long to "Always" by Bon Jovi before heading off for more booze.

Around that point we all split into smaller groups, and to be honest I don't remember much of anything. My conversations the next day mostly consisted of the following:

Friend: Oh wow, I've never seen you that drunk before.

Zander: Uh huh.

Friend: Do you remember [insert embarassing incident here, e.g. spilling a whole beer on my new jacket?]

Zander: Uh...no...

Friend: Yeah well...it's okay.


SATURDAY

Woke up with the most horrific hangover I've had in a while. I tried everything to get over it. There was water, there were pain killers, there were showers and naps, and I still felt like I might prefer death. So I went with the only other option -- I met up with friends at the Dolphin and started ordering bottles of wine at 2pm.

Around 10 hours later we ended up at Juice's apartment, where he made the fatal error of falling asleep while we were still there. Leading Murphy to suddenly yell "Let's rearrange all of his furniture!"

As Juice retells the story, he woke up around 6am for a glass of water, went to look at the microwave to see what time it was, and instead saw a painting. (We had placed the microwave on top of a wardrobe, which we had moved to the opposite side of the room). A good time was had by all. Except Juice.


SUNDAY

The second hangover is never quite as painful as the first, so late on Sunday morning Murphy and I actually went back over to Juice's place to put things back where they were supposed to be, and have breakfast.

I actually avoided having any more beer until around 6pm, and even then only managed to have one and a half with dinner before heading home to sleep and try to feel human on Monday morning because I had to spend 5 hours assessing potential interns. Hopefully they didn't take the yawning personally...

I Hope The NAACP Doesn't Read My Blog

Me, on Tuesday night:

I hate watching the news in this country. They report on the dumbest little things. I mean, come on, I realize this is a small country and not THAT much happens here, but there's got to be something you can do about it. You know what you need? More guns. That would liven things up a little. Definitely more guns. And black people.

(I am so gonna get in trouble for that last part. But come on, it was a joke!)

Drunk and Trashy in Vietnam

Oops, I've actually had these for a few days and forgot to post them here. Anyway, if you're interested in seeing how we made a mockery of what could have been a very cultural and educational holiday, click here to see my photo album from Vietnam, complete with obnoxious captions for each photo.

Note the severe lack of cultural sites for someone who spent a whole week there. But if you need any hotel, restaurant or bar recommendations, I'm your man.

Nothing To Report

Had a very nice weekend (mostly spent up in Newcastle, about 2 hours north of Sydney) and plenty of fun, however I don't think I've ended up with much bloggable material.

There was a moment on Saturday night when I thought I saw a lesbian midget, however it turned out to be a 9-year old boy and my hopes were dashed.

Anyway, there's a potentially major boozer planned for tomorrow night, which happily coincides with my 1-year anniversary at my job, so maybe I can drum up some mischief to keep you all entertained.

Overheard In My Office

Over lunch...

Colleague #1: I just had the best idea. We should have a jar in the office for one day, and every time Zander talks about himself he has to put a dollar in.

Zander: Excuse me...

Colleague #2: Ha, I love it. That would be so funny!

Zander: Um...

Colleague #3: Oh my god, that would totally pay for the next quarterly event.

Zander: I'm sitting right here!

Colleague #1: Yeah, we know. So will you do it?

Zander: [leaves the lunch table]


Bitches.

Dear Mr. President

You know, it's bad enough that "President" Bush continually ruins the lives of poor and middle class Americans day by day, and even murders civilians in third world countries whose names he can't pronounce. But now he's crossed the line. He has personally inconvenienced Zander. Has he no shame??

It's APEC week here in Sydney. For those who don't know, APEC stands for Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation or something along those lines. And since these sorts of things tend to attract protesters, rioters, and various other hoodlums, it means that half the city has been shut down and 10 foot high fences have been erected throughout the city. This morning I had to get off my bus and walk an extra 20 minutes to work because the bus simply couldn't go any further. And tomorrow I have to come into work for a few things, but now have to fear for my safety because they have scheduled "Corporate Disruption Protests" directly outside my office building. How wonderful.

The only good thing to come of this is that everyone in the Sydney CBD has Friday off, by government mandate. To celebrate, Sydneysiders are throwing numerous "APEC Parties", in this case standing for "Alcohol Pot Ecstasy Cocaine". Since I don't partake in 75% of those substances, I'm actually planning to be out of town for most of the weekend, but I'm sure I will hear some good stories.

"It's [Zander], Bitch"

Sorry, I have once again neglected the blog. However things are finally getting back to normal, so I will do my best going forward.

Vietnam was all kinds of awesome and included all of the necessities of a great vacation -- good food, cheap drinks, awful dancing, and a really really horrendous night of karaoke. But the pictures will tell a much better story, so I'll work on those this week and try and get them out in a couple of days.

I've vowed to go on no more overseas trips until Christmas, so I'm hoping this will be a very settled few months of my life. I may even start focusing on work one of these days instead of blogging and listening repeatedly to the new Britney Spears song, which is the explanation for my vapid title today.