Had a few people over to my place, per usual, to drink before heading out to Sutra where Emily had a friend DJing.
Joe shows up to my place late, also per usual, and completely plastered. Although this time it was so bad that he passed out on my couch and we took the opportunity to do mean things to him (e.g. writing "I [heart] COCK" on his sorry excuse for a bicep). He was going to join us as we were leaving, but then managed to puke before he could get out the door so we left him as is.
So Joe, this one is for you. Here's what you missed...
JESSICA ATTEMPTING TO START A FIGHT ON THE SUBWAY
Granted, we always come pretty close to crossing the line during our drunken subway rides, but Jessica yelling "BRING IT, CRACKER!" at some innocent teenagers nearby was somewhat unnecessary. Fortunately they took it in stride, and did not retaliate.
COLIN PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW US
Colin quickly regretted his choice of social circle for the evening, highlighted by his decision to stare at the floor during the entire subway ride. He wasn't fooling anyone though.
Far more convincing was his disappearing act at the bar later that night -- a.k.a. the longest cigarette break ever. It's okay dude, we don't blame you. Actually if I didn't know these people so well, I would have done the same.
NOMINATED BEST CONVERSATION, MARCH 2005
White Jay-Z Wannabe: Hi, I'm [redacted].
Jessica: So...you're kind of n!ggerish*.
Jessica: Are you gay?
WJW: Um, no.
Jessica: Do you have a big dick?
WJW: I don't know how to answer that.
Jessica: You know. Six and three-quarters or bigger.
Jessica: Do you fuck black people?
WJW: Well, it was nice meeting all of you...
Thanks for that, Jess.
ZANDER SLAMMING HIS HEAD INTO THE LOW CEILING AT THE BAR
Which I still don't remember. But there's a picture to prove it, horrified bystander reaction and all.
After all this and more, I come home to find Joe still passed out on my couch. Joe, I hope you read this and realize what could have been.
* Apologies for the censorship, I just don't like the idea of my blog showing up when someone googles the N word.