Around the World in 30 Years

At least once a year I tend to look at my 'travel map' to see where I've been and look for inspiration on where to go next. I was avoiding work this afternoon and took another crack at it:

It actually hasn't changed too much in the last year, partially because of all my horrible, selfish friends who got married in the US last year, forcing me to make three separate trips over there. As a result, the only new country I got to visit was Mexico, which was awesome but as an American doesn't feel particularly exotic.

My next trip this year is going to be 12 days or so traveling around Japan, followed by a week in the Philippines laying around on island beaches and a couple of nights in Manila visiting friends. If my travel map is to be believed, that will bring the number of countries I've visited to 30.

Unfortunately, I'm reaching a point where I've visited almost all the places that I've desperately wanted to see, and now I'm hitting up place that just sound kinda cool or nice based on what I've heard recently. As you can see from my map, I still have to visit Africa (amazing how expensive it can be to visit a continent full of poverty-stricken people) and I haven't yet touched the Middle East, which will definitely be added to the agenda once everyone stops blowing shit up over there.

I suppose I'm curious about Iceland and even Greenland because every time I look it up on a map all I can think is 'WTF?' After that, maybe I will settle into a routine of using all my time off to visit family and friends in NYC and Europe, with the occasional week at a villa in Bali (don't worry, I'm tempted to punch myself in the face after typing that sentence out) but it does feel just a little like my obsession with travel that I had when I was younger is fading just a little. Which is probably for the best, because I am old and have a mortgage and oh my god I'm going to stop right now before I decide to kill myself or decide to at least write a letter of apology to my younger self who I'm sure had much higher hopes for us.

You Know You Were In Vegas Recently When...

...you wake up on a Saturday morning at home after a 7 hour drinking session with friends that included shots of tequila, and you feel fresh as a daisy.

Seriously, I should *not* feel okay right now. And yet, I'm ready to do it all over again. Let's go.

The Real Cure For Jet Lag

It was true 2 years ago, and even in my old age, it's still true now. You can avoid alcohol and caffeine. You can take small naps or just force yourself to stay awake until a reasonable hour. But the only real way to beat jet lag is to have a little too much to drink and let the hangover win out in the end.

It is 3.24am, but I am already looking forward to some serious alcohol intake after work. It's the only way.

April? No?

Nice, I managed to skip an ENTIRE MONTH of blogging. Not quite sure how that happened, but at least one valid excuse is that I spent almost half the month on vacation in NYC and Chicago.

While there were plenty of laughs and drunken moments, it's amazing how much my trips home have changed in the last 6 years. In 2005, they involved drunken karaoke, partying until 5am, and all the usual dumbassery that I'd left behind when I moved to Australia in the first place. This time, I definitely spent two afternoons of my trip hanging out with Fry and her 6-month old baby, and at least two other friends are pregnant. Intentionally!

So yeah, end of a golden era. Although I will admit that when I woke up with some lower back pain halfway through my time in NYC, I did consider the possibility of kidney failure because I'd been drinking so much. Carrying the torch, you guys.

My Own Reality

I'm in the midst of a week that includes two public holidays and is sandwiched between Christmas and New Years. Technically I'm working today, tomorrow and Friday, but let's get serious. I couldn't even be bothered to go into the office today, and the rest of the week isn't looking good either.

As a result, I am sitting around my house eating insane amounts of food that is probably illegal in some of the healthier European nations, and every time I look at anything I know I shouldn't eat I just shrug and say "but I'm on vacation!" and eat it anyway. Made more ridiculous by the fact that, as I previously mentioned, I'm not ACTUALLY on vacation. But hey, semantics. Or something.

The worst part is that when people ask me if I've kept up my usual exercise routine of running and swimming in the mornings, I say no, but that it's okay because when you work out as much as I do, it's actually really good for your body to take a week off and recover and reset.

And just so you know, I COMPLETELY MADE THAT UP. But it sounds good and people seem to believe it (or at least wait until we're no longer in the same room to roll their eyes and laugh at me behind my back, or hate me for insulting their intelligence, etc.), so I'm sticking with it. Merry Christmas, let's be fat together.

And He's Back

Sorry for a quiet few weeks, I spent a couple of weeks overseas and then 10 days trekking through the Australian outback. More on that later, including photos.

Speaking of which, here's the one photo from my 2 weeks in the US that seems to have surfaced on Facebook. Apparently I was "that guy" at the wedding I attended:

There are claims it was taken at 8.17pm, but that information cannot be verified at this time.

Photo Analysis Session

I've spent much of this week putting together my photo albums from the recent trip. I'll refrain from posting everything here as well, but given the theme of this blog is supposed to be boozing, I thought I'd throw one photo from each of my two drunkest nights out and we can mock the results.

London, Royal Wedding Eve

In our infinite wisdom, we started drinking on this Friday at around 1pm. From Pimm's to wine to beer. This was around 2am, long after we'd forgotten to eat dinner. Needless to say, we were rather hungover for the wedding the next morning, and ended up passed out in bed by 9pm. At least this photo is evidence that we thought we were having fun at the time.

Hong Kong, Trashy Night Out

I can only distance myself from these "ladies" by saying that they were friends of a friend of a friend. I don't know their names. But they are clearly at the level of inebriation where one thinks they are looking a lot sexier than they are in reality. Not that anyone has ever looked cool dancing on a table outside of a well-edited music video.

* * * * * * * * * * 

I'll be quite honest, the rest of the trip was relatively tame. I've unfortunately started to drink like more of an adult lately (my previous post on last weekend should be ignored to make that sound more believable) and so nights of drinking until 2am generally remained rather civilized. Go figure.

Early Bird Special

Went down the coast this weekend for Hickster's 30th birthday celebrations (belated, since I was busy being fabulous in Europe on the actual day). It was great fun and generally relaxing, although it may have involved the following:

• Friday night dance party
• Shots of Cafe Patron
• Hideous amounts of snacking
• One walk on the beach outside the house
• Drinking all afternoon on a Saturday
• Playing drinking games (Circle of Death) at 5pm
• A pre-dinner dance party
• Falling on Seedy Pete in the midst of pre-dinner dance party/photo shoot
• A Saturday night dinner that I don't remember...at all
• Passing out before 9pm on the couch
• Sunday morning exhaustion
• A three hour drive home
• More drinks on Sunday afternoon on a friend's terrace because I'm a moron who has no respect for my body

In short, the post-European holiday recovery and detox isn't going so well.

New Fatty In Town

Well I'm back in Sydney after a fantastic holiday. Unfortunately that means I am exhausted and a little bit fat. Actually more than a little bit. I may as well have strapped chicken schnitzels to the sides of my torso. I'm so fat that I tried to run my usual 5km this morning, and only made it about 3km before my left foot started to hurt and I needed to go home. At this rate, I should be back to my previous level of fitness in around 2018. Brilliant.

Photos and stories to follow in the coming weeks, once I have fought off the recurring desire to eat 6 full meals a day.

And Today's Theme Song Is...

Sorry, given today's travel plans I just can't get this one out of my head.

Quieter Than Usual

Off on another holiday again, because life is tough like that.

I'm heading straight out to Brittany when I get to France, which is a damn shame considering I wouldn't mind living in Paris, and yet I'll only be there for about an hour to catch a train tomorrow. The itinerary also includes Berlin, London, and even Hong Kong, because it's not a vacation until you've been a complete dick on at least two continents before heading home.

In any case, blog posts are likely to be few and far between, so either read up on the classics (I often love to remember what a drunken moron I was back in the day) or just come back in a few weeks when I'm back home and partially sobered up.

It All Balances Out

Had a weekend away with a few friends, and spent most of the weekend eating, drinking, and sitting around chatting about god knows what. There were even moments where we discussed laundry, spreadsheets, and Australian immigration policies. All very mature.

Fortunately we had Scottie with us. Despite the fact that he arrived later than the rest of us on Friday night, he managed to kill a bottle of wine and several very strong rum drinks before going to bed. I was lucky enough to sleep through what was apparently a very messy affair involving him throwing up all over the upstairs bathroom at around 4 in the morning.

As a group, I think we're even for the weekend.

We Are Our Parents

I just had a brilliant weekend in Melbourne with friends, however it continued my ever-growing concern that I am turning into an old man.

Remember when we were kids and your parents would have people over, and you'd eventually go to bed wondering how it was possible that a bunch of old people could just sit around drinking and talking until well after midnight? Even in our early 20's, the night always ended with losing your friends at a club or being refused entry to a bar for being a drunken idiot.

Well, both my Friday and Saturday nights came to a close with me drinking scotch (neat, of course) while chatting to my friends about god knows what. And it was nice, but scary, to think that it is actually possible for me to drink for hours at a time and not find myself inebriated and doing something that would cause me to die of embarrassment if it ever made its way to YouTube.

The most shocking moment of the weekend, one that confirmed how old we are, is when a member of our group didn't know what Jersey Shore was. To be clear, I'm not saying she hadn't watched an episode, even I've never done that. But she's never *heard* of Jersey Shore. While I realize that we'd all be better off not having heard of Jersey Shore, the fact is that even my mother who lives in the French countryside knows what it is.

Needless to say, I am trying to help this poor friend of mine cling to whatever semblance of her youth she has remaining, and she has been sent various videos of Snooki, The Situation, et. al. as part of her education. We're not giving up that easily.

Weekend Away

As a bit of a random weekend, Hickster and I have decided to visit some friends in Melbourne, possibly the only other place in the Australia/New Zealand region that hasn't been decimated by one natural disaster or another in recent weeks.

Unfortunately, we've just missed the St. Kilda festival by a couple of weeks. I want to check out any event that turns up the following image in a Google search: