Monday, May 28, 2012

Never Gets Old

I was totally bummed when I realized that I had tickets to see Janelle Monáe perform live at the Sydney Opera House on Sunday night, mostly because I usually would have stayed home and thrown a Eurovision Party.

Thankfully, the days leading up to the Grand Final give you a preview of even the countries that are so awful that they don't even make it to the last night, so I'm still across the awesomeness that is European 'culture'. Forget museums and ancient ruins, THIS is what Europe is all about in the 21st century:

Romania - So it's not particularly noteworthy, however it is a classic example of Eurovision in that it consists of a hot chick in a short/non-existent outfit singing a nonsensical song (have accounted for the English translation). Poorly. At one point she sits on a drum and I actually thought she might be mocking people in wheelchairs. And given the song is named "Mandinga", we should probably just hope she's not being racist

San Marino - Who says a Eurovision song can't have an important message? Apart from the fact that this song is about Facebook, I love that the subtitle is actually "Oh Oh Uh-Oh Oh". Here's a hint - if the subtitle of your song is both meaningless and makes me have to think about how it would be pronounced, you're not making it past the semi-finals.

Ireland - I despise the phenomenon that is Jedward, but it's their second year in a row at Eurovision and they're at least good for a laugh. What amazes me is that these two claim to be straight, despite all evidence to the contrary. I mean, why bother? Somehow I doubt anyone who buys their albums could possibly have an issue with homosexuality.

Russia - Last, but not least, we have the Russian Grannies, who I assume most people would have heard of even outside this contest. They're around 70 years old (but look closer to 95), some don't have teeth, and they sing dance music while BAKING ON STAGE. In case you haven't heard it yet, I give you "Party For Everybody".

And before you worry, I've already put Eurovision's 2013 date in my calendar to ensure that there's no way I'm missing it again next year. 'Party For Everybody' at my place, y'all.

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