My Own Reality

I'm in the midst of a week that includes two public holidays and is sandwiched between Christmas and New Years. Technically I'm working today, tomorrow and Friday, but let's get serious. I couldn't even be bothered to go into the office today, and the rest of the week isn't looking good either.

As a result, I am sitting around my house eating insane amounts of food that is probably illegal in some of the healthier European nations, and every time I look at anything I know I shouldn't eat I just shrug and say "but I'm on vacation!" and eat it anyway. Made more ridiculous by the fact that, as I previously mentioned, I'm not ACTUALLY on vacation. But hey, semantics. Or something.

The worst part is that when people ask me if I've kept up my usual exercise routine of running and swimming in the mornings, I say no, but that it's okay because when you work out as much as I do, it's actually really good for your body to take a week off and recover and reset.

And just so you know, I COMPLETELY MADE THAT UP. But it sounds good and people seem to believe it (or at least wait until we're no longer in the same room to roll their eyes and laugh at me behind my back, or hate me for insulting their intelligence, etc.), so I'm sticking with it. Merry Christmas, let's be fat together.

When Going To Work Feels Like Summer Camp

I often tell people that living in Australia feels like a permanent vacation, but of course I at least have some mild levels of stress to deal with every now and then. We all have to at least pretend to do work sometimes, if we're going to keep this charade going.

Of course this week is different, as it's the week before Christmas. At least 20% of the company is already on vacation, so the rest of us are basically just killing time before our team lunch starts at 11am tomorrow (Friday).

And so today, someone actually brought in an insanely geeky board game (remember, I work in IT), and we just spent THREE HOURS playing it, only to then join some other members of our department who inexplicably have a massive cooler full of beer sitting in their part of the office.

Australia, I still have eyes for no one but you.

Old Dog, New Trick

Saturday was our annual long lunch, which started at 2pm, ended around 8pm, and was followed by drinks at a few more parties before the night ended in surprisingly respectable form.

And on Sunday, I met up with my family for my first attempt at a game of golf now that I've finished lessons. Everyone's been asking me how I did, and I tell them "Well, I got around 7 over par...on each hole." It's fun to hesitate in the middle, and then watch their reaction as they go from thinking I'm the next Tiger Woods (minus all sex with trashy blonde Hooters waitresses) to wondering why I even kept going after the second hole.

In any case, I somehow still managed to enjoy being the worst golfer ever, and will try to get into it, or at least get to a point where I'm not completely embarrassing myself and everyone around me each time I play. Stranger things have happened.

How Could I Forget

Someone pointed out that I haven't shared one of my more notable stories here, something almost reminiscent of my ridiculous days back in NYC.

In short, I got completely and utterly smashed at the work Christmas party (career be damned, I say!) and at one point struck up a conversation with Alex Perry, a top Australian designer and one of the resident bitches on the judging panel of Australia's Next Top Model.

At one point I said "You know, I'm still waiting for you or Sarah [the host] to ask me to co-host Top Model next year."

Without missing a beat, he responded "The last thing I need is another tall bitch standing next to me on TV."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why he has one of the bitchiest jobs in the world. Because he really is that good at it.

Haven't Done That In A While

As silly season stumbles on, we here in Sydney are forced to attend more and more events in the lead up to Christmas, often resulting in some hideous scenes. Such as: me on Saturday.

I went to a picnic at 2pm, figured a few beers wouldn't have any sort of impact. Then met up with some family friends for a few wines, because it was only polite. Then there was a dinner party with some sort of unidentified 'punch'. Which means by the time I arrived at a friend's birthday drinks at 10pm, I was slurring and having trouble standing up. I have no idea why it exists and don't remember when it was taken, but this photo seems apt:

Sign of the Times

Obviously I'm quickly sliding into old age when all I can bother to organize for my birthday is a relatively small lunch at a great little restaurant.

While I acknowledge that I'm not completely past my partying days, the absolutely horrendous weather assisted in keeping our post-lunch celebration to a few drinks at a nearby bar before we headed home during a break in the rain.

Thanks for making me feel even older, Mother Nature. You bitch.

Turkey Time

Just a quick mention that we had a Thanksgiving dinner at my place on Saturday night. And once again it was a collection of individuals so diverse that I have no doubt that the Pilgrims, had they seen this particular celebration, would never have left their state of constant persecution in the Old World.

If nothing else, at least this one didn't devolve into a trashy Euro-dance party. I'm looking at you, 2010.