Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Love You Guys, But...

Today, two of my lady friends who had been visiting me for a couple of weeks headed back to New York. It was awesome having them here and showing them around town, but I do have a few comments about my lovely houseguests:

1) Did you realize that women apparently need four towels each day? I'm on my 5th load of laundry, and it is ALL TOWELS. That is insane.

2) Women really, really like to snack. Judging by the crumbs all over my apartment I can only imagine that their apartments back home are permanently carpeted in Nabisco products.

3) This is the first time I've seen any table tops in my apartment - for the last two weeks every inch of them has been covered in various beauty and hygiene products. I don't even understand how someone would have the time in the day to use all of them.

4) Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. There's a certain amount of toilet paper that tends to last me about two to three months. These girls used it in ONE WEEK. I have actually come up with various creative theories on what they could possibly have been using it for. Maybe there's a toilet paper sculpture under my bed that I haven't found yet. Or maybe it's what they were eating when they ran out of biscuits.

5) I was surprised to find out that when someone has a glass of water and wants another one, they are apparently supposed to leave their old glass sitting on a table and just go get a new one. Go figure.

Being the tactless asshole that I am, I've already ranted at them about all of these things, but thought I would give anyone out there a heads up in case you're considering having some female friends come and stay with you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think the clothes dryer just finished.

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