Birthday Party #1
Drinking for three hours. Highlight: Telling a couple I've just met that their baby is cute but I'd rather they'd brought a puppy.
Birthday Party #2
Finding the atmosphere in the restaurant a bit subdued and telling racist jokes until it was time for me to head to the next event. Final words: "Let the bitch cook in the dark."
Birthday Party #3
Exhausted from 8 hours of drinking (not to mention old age), I have two drinks, grab a friend's breasts inappropriately and head home.
This is my life.