Saturday, July 18, 2009

I Should Host A Game Show Or Something

Each month we have a two-hour meeting on Friday afternoon with the extended team of about 200 people. Drinks are provided which makes it marginally less painful to sit through people who do things I have zero understanding of talking about their latest projects as if the rest of us could possibly care.

One segment is just an update on engagements and marriages, people who had babies, recent hires, and people who have resigned. And for some reason, I was put forward as the ideal person to present that segment this month.

I might have done alright if the segment had been closer to the beginning of the meeting. As a result, the following ensued:

  • I decided to bring a bottle of wine with me from the drinks table so I wouldn't have to keep getting up during the meeting
  • I got progressively drunker throughout the meeting, including talking while everyone else was presenting
  • I was still talking to the people around me when I realized the room had gone quiet, and looked up to see my name on the screen
  • I then swore - loudly - and stumbled to the front of the room
  • For some reason, I started by talking about myself
  • My first announcement was one I made up on the spot, about how a guy on our team had gotten engaged at lunchtime, and I made everyone give him a round of applause. He's never even had a girlfriend.
  • I fortunately refrained from saying that I think newborn babies are gross - but it crossed my mind
  • When one of our team's new hires declined to tell an embarrassing story about himself, I stepped in and told one about him
  • At the end I was supposed to congratulate certain people from another team within my division on passing some exam, which I worded as "Congratulations on passing your exam and becoming...uh...certified, or whatever it is that happens to you now."

The whole routine got more than a few laughs, but I think we can be confident that senior management was not impressed and I likely won't be asked to present at that meeting again any time soon.

On the plus side, I got drunk for free.

1 comment:

Vicki said...

I think it's actually a plus that you probably won't be asked to present again - that just cuts into your drinking time.