Funeral Festivities

At the risk of sounding morbid, I have often thought what I'd want my funeral to be like. And things get outta hand pretty quickly. Maybe this is because I've never actually been to a funeral of any sort in my lifetime, but I don't see any reason they can't be something of a lighthearted occasion.

My top two funeral concepts at the moment are:

• Starts out rather normally, but the drinks are quite strong and the food is pretty light. As people get more intoxicated, the music picks up, the lights dim, and before you know it, everyone's dancing. Next thing anyone realizes, there's glitter falling from the ceiling...except no one knows that my ashes are actually mixed in with the glitter. Everyone goes home taking a piece of me with them to their corner of the world.

• Just as everyone sits down to begin a reading or prayer or something equally boring, my coffin pops open and whatever contraption is necessary makes my corpse pop up while ridiculous haunted house-style screaming noises play in the background. My face would be posed to look totally shocked and positioned to be staring at the audience. Hilarity ensues. Everyone goes home all laughed out, thinking "Sigh, that was just classic Zander."

These are just the top two ideas right now, other suggestions are welcome!