You're Doing It Wrong

As you guys know, I simply hate being forced into a position of judging other people. I don't generally expect everyone to be as perfect as I am, but to be quite honest I don't think it's too much to ask that they try.

On that note, I want to introduce you to two people I met this weekend that I consider absolute failures at life:

1) On Friday night I went to a dinner at an Italian restaurant in a less than trendy location because a couple of friends were in town and I hadn't seen either of them in a year or so. What I forgot is that although they are cool, fun people who have traveled the world, not everyone they grew up with would fall into the same category.

And so I ended up sitting across the table from a girl who had never left Australia, loudly announced that she tried not to leave her suburb too often (some place I had never heard of, and hope never to visit), and exclaimed multiple times at how shocked she was that a glass of wine could possibly cost $8.50 - which is easily the least I've paid for a glass of wine in years, and I'm not even very fancy.

In any case, I mocked her so much before the main course was even served that she moved seats and ignored me for the rest of the meal. Sounds harsh, but it was necessary to maintain at least some sanity if I was going to make it to dessert.

2) The second is the type of person that I constantly encounter and have to make a fool out of to prove a point. The fake New Yorker. I am so sick of meeting people who clearly walk around introducing themselves as being "from New York", only to find out that they can't even claim to be from the same time zone as New York. In case anyone needs a guide, the following things do not make you a New Yorker:

• Living in New York for two years in your adulthood...and then moving elsewhere
• Being born in New York and leaving before you started forming actual memories
• Actually being born and raised in Kentucky and having a job in New York for a year

This idiot belonged to the last group...which made it feel even better to make sure EVERYONE knew about it. He avoided me for the rest of the night.

In related news, there are two new people in Sydney who absolutely hate my guts.