"I'm not going out tonigh...did you say booze?"

Tried oh so hard to stay in and recover last night. That lasted until about 11.15, when someone called and invited me to a house party. Alcohol is already hard enough to turn down, but free alcohol? Who am I kidding.

Highlight: My drunk friend stumbling over to greet someone, and then inadvertently headbutting them in the face instead. Now that is class, ladies and gentlemen.

Lowlight: Decided to grab a slice of pizza on the way home. When I asked how much, the guy responds "Twenty dollars, including the damage from last night." No, seriously.


You know what's awesome? Other than me? How you can wake up the next morning, take a shower, and wash away all the bad things from the night before. Well, I guess that doesn't include the herpes, but hey you can't win 'em all.

Hey is there something on my face?

Told you it was freaky. And yes, that really is ME.

And it keeps coming...

Phil: you don't remember reencountering Nazi Pilot, do you?

Zander: later on?

Zander: i don't remember much of anything

Zander: was it bad?

Phil: you asked him if he remembered you, and he was like "how could I ever forget you, you're obnoxious guy"

Zander: AWESOME

Now that I think about it, I saw several small children crying this morning. Maybe they were crying for my sins. Good thing I don't like kids.

Updates from the Museum of Sex

So based on what people are telling me and what my slowly sobering brain is contributing, here are some of the highlights from last night:

• Jess asked me if a guy there was dressed as a Nazi. By the time he told us he was actually a pilot, it was too late because we had decided he was a Nazi. (Jess also told him he was gay.) We pulled our standard "we're so obnoxious" routine, and he left the room about 3 minutes later as Jess and I yelled "HEIL!" and gave him a Nazi salute. Shit, I just remembered, I also threw a mask at his back as he walked away. Fucking Nazis.
• I promise that when I yelled "Goddamnit no more Asians!" I was talking about the exhibit, and not the Korean girl standing nearby.
• After several drinks in Brooklyn (Who drinks before an open bar? We do.) and a few "Dewar's Sidecars", I decided I should get my face covered in makeup. It took about 30 minutes and I looked ridiculous (fake eyelashes were involved). I then walked around telling random people "I don't normally look like this." I also scared the shit out of myself this morning when I woke up and went to the bathroom, not realizing I still had it on. I'm at work now and I think I'm still wearing eyeliner.
• I won a gift certificate for "Toys in Babeland", a sex shop. Emily decided to hold it for "safekeeping", but we all know bitch already ordered "The Rabbit" so I guess I won't be seeing that again.
• After pizza back in Brooklyn, I had an unfortunate encounter with 9th Street, resulting in the aforementioned bloody arm, plus other cuts and bruises I didn't see until I got in the shower this morning.
• Emily told me something sad, which prompted me to attempt to cry for the first time since I was 6 years old. I got my eyes to glass over, but no actual tears came out. Yup, still no soul. I'll try again next year.

Hopefully someone will be kind enough to provide a picture of me and my painted face, it was pretty fucking horrifying.

WOO HOO my first blog post. God I'm drunk.

Yeah, so I woke up before 6am on this glorious Friday morning, I'm still plastered, and for some reason I was inspired to create a blog. Why the fuck not.

I'm still trying to figure out why I have ridiculous amounts of makeup on, and my bleeding arm concerns me, but I'm guessing I had an awesome time at the Masquerade Ball at the Museum of Sex last night.

Oh so last night they had this tarot card reader, and I sat down for her. She told me that all these people wanna get with me (thanks, captain obvious.) and that I'm gonna be really successful (duh). So I was like "okay, this lady knows what she's talking about". BUT then she finished with "you're a good person" which caused all my friends in the vicinity to burst out laughing. I almost fell off my chair myself, but I tipped her and went on my merry way.

Now to get someone to map out the rest of the night for me. I'm sure there are some really horrible pictures out there. So much for my career in politics.