Per my usual weekend plans as of late, I had intended to have a pretty quiet one.
On Friday, I accidentally wore jeans that were somewhat moldy, due to having left them sitting in the washing machine for about, oh, 47 hours longer than I should have, before finally drying them. (It was a busy week, cut me a break.)
Even better was how I realized I was wearing moldy jeans when, as I was sitting on the bus to work, I decided something smelled and started looking around for a homeless person before realizing it was me. My day continued to lack dignity, as my boss (20 minutes into a meeting) asked me if I thought her office smelled, and I spent the last 3 hours of my day having my colleagues spray me down with Febreze every hour, on the hour. Fortunately, my evening was spent at crowded bars and restaurants where no one could smell the difference.
On Saturday, having washed my jeans and aiming for a decidedly quiet afternoon, I went over to a friend's place dressed like an idiot thinking my night would end there, and that said outfit would help prevent me from going out.
Cut to 10pm, when I left a bar and headed to a housewarming party I had forgotten I was supposed to be attending. Nothing says class like getting to your friend's place and being high-fived by a bunch of random frat-boy types because you have an image of a sheep on your shirt and a comment that suggests an interest in beastiality.
And so, I'm sure you can all see why I wasn't that disappointed to head to work dressed in "smart casual" attire on Monday morning. Bring on Tuesday.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Fat Camp, Here I Come
There simply has to be a strong correlation between how hard I am forced to work and how much revenue the McDonald's across the street from my office takes in.
This week has been completely insane in terms of work, and it's unlikely that I'll get a chance to breathe before Thursday evening. And for some reason, the combination of stress, exhaustion, and not being quite sure what time I'll be able to go home and eat a normal meal, justifies in my mind the decision to get a McDonald's meal and a McFlurry around 4pm every day to hold me over until dinnertime.
I had actually been doing really well over the last few weeks or so and avoided the Micky D's afternoon snack trips, but apparently I'm much weaker than I ever imagined. And at this rate it won't be long before I stop seeing ads for the Skinny Man Workout Routine or whatever it is that Facebook keeps showing me:
Which is extremely disturbing in its own way, because seriously, how do they know that I'm skinny? Do fat people get different ads? Because I swear that for the few months last year where I actually started to get concerned that I didn't qualify as "skinny" anymore, those ads stopped showing up. Does Facebook have some sort of scanning technology that looks at our pictures and tells them if I'm probably someone who couldn't fight off a 12-year old girl if needed? But I suppose that's a whole other blog post, and my 4 minutes of relaxation has apparently expired, so it will have to wait.
This week has been completely insane in terms of work, and it's unlikely that I'll get a chance to breathe before Thursday evening. And for some reason, the combination of stress, exhaustion, and not being quite sure what time I'll be able to go home and eat a normal meal, justifies in my mind the decision to get a McDonald's meal and a McFlurry around 4pm every day to hold me over until dinnertime.
I had actually been doing really well over the last few weeks or so and avoided the Micky D's afternoon snack trips, but apparently I'm much weaker than I ever imagined. And at this rate it won't be long before I stop seeing ads for the Skinny Man Workout Routine or whatever it is that Facebook keeps showing me:
Which is extremely disturbing in its own way, because seriously, how do they know that I'm skinny? Do fat people get different ads? Because I swear that for the few months last year where I actually started to get concerned that I didn't qualify as "skinny" anymore, those ads stopped showing up. Does Facebook have some sort of scanning technology that looks at our pictures and tells them if I'm probably someone who couldn't fight off a 12-year old girl if needed? But I suppose that's a whole other blog post, and my 4 minutes of relaxation has apparently expired, so it will have to wait.
Friday, February 13, 2009
The New WebMD
I just looked at the stats for my blog for possibly the first time in a year or so. I actually had to ask a fellow blogger what the site was where I could go to check. Turns out that no matter how much or little I post, the same amount of people read this thing. Go figure.
However every now and then I get curious about the keywords people Google find my blog, and the one that keeps reappearing is often along the lines of "treating a broken toe" or "care for broken toe". It turns out that I broke my toe a few years back (which I don't really remember at this point) and briefly blogged about it. Since then, I'd guess that at least 100 and probably more people have ended up on my blog post when trying to figure out what they should do about their own broken toes.
Pardon my French, but that's pretty fucked. I'd imagine there's a lawsuit in this for Google eventually, since surely there are a million other websites with more relevant information than this one on how to take care of your broken toe, and all it will take is one kid with a broken toe and an extra chromosome to take my blog post seriously for the shit to hit the fan.
I'm not even sure where I was originally going with this post (I swear I had a point in mind when I started) because now all I can think about is how after this post and the fact that I've written "broken toe" 6 more times (now 7), I will probably become the leading source on broken toe (8) treatment on the web. And in a strange way, that prospect excites me.
I've just re-read this post and, well...I'm sorry. I promise to drink more.
However every now and then I get curious about the keywords people Google find my blog, and the one that keeps reappearing is often along the lines of "treating a broken toe" or "care for broken toe". It turns out that I broke my toe a few years back (which I don't really remember at this point) and briefly blogged about it. Since then, I'd guess that at least 100 and probably more people have ended up on my blog post when trying to figure out what they should do about their own broken toes.
Pardon my French, but that's pretty fucked. I'd imagine there's a lawsuit in this for Google eventually, since surely there are a million other websites with more relevant information than this one on how to take care of your broken toe, and all it will take is one kid with a broken toe and an extra chromosome to take my blog post seriously for the shit to hit the fan.
I'm not even sure where I was originally going with this post (I swear I had a point in mind when I started) because now all I can think about is how after this post and the fact that I've written "broken toe" 6 more times (now 7), I will probably become the leading source on broken toe (8) treatment on the web. And in a strange way, that prospect excites me.
I've just re-read this post and, well...I'm sorry. I promise to drink more.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Enabler
The Hickster, who I've mentioned here before, is someone I met in July when I was up at Port Douglas on a snorkeling trip on the reef. Turned out she was relatively new to Sydney, which was perfect since most of my good friends were in the process of moving to other countries. At this point she's probably my best friend in Australia, as she is very social and always up for an adventure.
On Saturday night, me and the Hickster decided to meet up for a glass of wine because we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks. We instantly started ordering bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, and within hours were dancing wildly to the "greatest" dance hits of the 90's.
This tends to be how almost every outing together turns out. We briefly came to the realization that night that she and I haven't sat down to dinner or anything remotely civilized other than the day we met. It's by no means that we aren't able to have fun without being drunk. I would say that I have some of my most interesting and even, dare I say, philosophical conversations with the Hickster. Alas, we both love similar wine and that always seems to be more than enough justification to order bottles, starting a vicious cycle.
And so, we've started brainstorming for things we can do that wouldn't involve such ridiculous amounts of booze. We've attempted a games night at my place that resulted in no games being played and me dragging about two garbage bags of empty bottles down to recycling the next morning. We did a picnic in the park once which was mostly subdued, but probably would have taken a turn for the worst if we didn't each have somewhere else to be shortly thereafter. And once we tried to give ourselves credit for only having one bottle of wine after work one Friday, but considering I had a flight super early the next morning and the Hickster's flatmate was at home recovering from surgery and dependent on her for food, it's safe to say that it took something close to an act of god to accomplish that.
If anyone out there can help us find something to do that might be a little healthier and cheaper than supporting the Sydney nightlife industry, we promise to be fascinated by your suggestions.
On Saturday night, me and the Hickster decided to meet up for a glass of wine because we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks. We instantly started ordering bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, and within hours were dancing wildly to the "greatest" dance hits of the 90's.
This tends to be how almost every outing together turns out. We briefly came to the realization that night that she and I haven't sat down to dinner or anything remotely civilized other than the day we met. It's by no means that we aren't able to have fun without being drunk. I would say that I have some of my most interesting and even, dare I say, philosophical conversations with the Hickster. Alas, we both love similar wine and that always seems to be more than enough justification to order bottles, starting a vicious cycle.
And so, we've started brainstorming for things we can do that wouldn't involve such ridiculous amounts of booze. We've attempted a games night at my place that resulted in no games being played and me dragging about two garbage bags of empty bottles down to recycling the next morning. We did a picnic in the park once which was mostly subdued, but probably would have taken a turn for the worst if we didn't each have somewhere else to be shortly thereafter. And once we tried to give ourselves credit for only having one bottle of wine after work one Friday, but considering I had a flight super early the next morning and the Hickster's flatmate was at home recovering from surgery and dependent on her for food, it's safe to say that it took something close to an act of god to accomplish that.
If anyone out there can help us find something to do that might be a little healthier and cheaper than supporting the Sydney nightlife industry, we promise to be fascinated by your suggestions.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Why Would That Be Okay?
There is no reason I should walk out onto my balcony in the morning, look over to my right, and see this:
And yet...this is what happened. I supposed I should provide a couple of disclaimers on my neighbors behalf:
1) It has been 30-35 degrees (80-90 F) in Sydney for at least a few weeks now, and
2) I myself have probably stepped out onto my balcony in my underwear, albeit briefly, to get a feel for how hot it might be, or to water the plants.
However I tend to avoid doing that in briefs, and I certainly don't throw on pink rubber gloves and spend far too long cleaning my BBQ for hundreds of neighbors to see. Perhaps he thought no one would really see, or it didn't matter because it was just his balcony and not the internet or something. Oops.
And yet...this is what happened. I supposed I should provide a couple of disclaimers on my neighbors behalf:
1) It has been 30-35 degrees (80-90 F) in Sydney for at least a few weeks now, and
2) I myself have probably stepped out onto my balcony in my underwear, albeit briefly, to get a feel for how hot it might be, or to water the plants.
However I tend to avoid doing that in briefs, and I certainly don't throw on pink rubber gloves and spend far too long cleaning my BBQ for hundreds of neighbors to see. Perhaps he thought no one would really see, or it didn't matter because it was just his balcony and not the internet or something. Oops.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Laziness Squared
Well I haven't blogged in days, and I still can't really find the motivation, so instead of a proper post, here's some recycled junk that's going around Facebook that forces you to make a list of 25 things about yourself and then coerce your unassuming friends into reading it by tagging them:
1. The first time I was tagged in one of these things about a week ago, I rolled my eyes and swore I wouldn't do it. By the 5th time I'd been tagged, I felt left out, and I hate feeling left out.
2. I didn't think I would have 25 things to say about myself, and then remember that I talk about myself like it's my job, so this shouldn't really be an issue.
3. 25 people isn't a lot, I'd probably tag more but I am surprisingly one to follow the rules. Otherwise I'd tag at least 75 people.
4. Once every few months I worry that having too many Facebook friends seems really lame and desperate, and I go through and cull around 20 people.
5. I keep people who have funny/interesting status updates, even if I have literally no interaction with them in real life or virtually.
6. I feel really really sorry for the people who have extremely boring status updates about their lives ("Toby Wilkins is eating breakfast!!"), and especially people who do day by day countdowns to their next vacation, which really just illustrates how little else is going on in their lives.
7. Since mid-2008 I have deleted at least 4 people for being Republicans, and I actually feel kind of bad that I'm so closed-minded. But I'd delete them all again if I had the chance. Preferably for a Burger King Whopper this time.
8. I just got a request to move a meeting to two hours later, which means I now have time to go out and lay by the pool and work on my tan, but I am stuck writing this because I can't stand starting something and not finishing it.
9. I clean my apartment for hours at a time at least once every weekend. I worry that it's a form of mild-OCD, but it makes me feel really good so I won't be seeking diagnosis or treatment.
10. If I didn't drink I would own at least one house by now. If I didn't travel internationally, I would own two or more. Seriously, I've done the math.
11. I think teetotaling 30 year olds who own a house and rarely travel internationally should kill themselves.
12. Sometimes I wonder if my natural tendency to speak constantly and very loudly are some sort of a neurological disorder that hasn't been recognized by medical science yet.
13. I've tried in the past to not talk so much at social gatherings, but I often find that I'm far funnier and more interesting than anyone else in the room and can't hold it in.
14. Every now and then I have pangs of sadness to think that I may never live in the same city as some of my closest friends ever again.
15. My excitement for my upcoming 4 week trip to South America only slightly outweighs how mortified I am at how much it's going to cost, essentially spending half of my 2009 tax refund 3 months before I get it.
16. Lately I've become addicted to home renovation and cooking shows, and I'm paranoid that as I approach 30 I'm turning into one of those boring people who wants to buy a house and throw dinner parties instead of getting drunk in random cities around the world.
17. In the past year I've started to feel guilty about eating junk food and not exercising, after almost three decades of thinking people who had to worry about that sort of thing were losers.
18. I just realized I've been writing this for almost 20 minutes now and I'm a bit worried that no one will read it other than the people with the boring status updates. (If you just read that, CLEARLY I didn't mean YOU!)
19. My dream life would be spending October to April in Sydney and May to September in New York, with plenty of other places in between.
20. I would love to live in Paris for at least a few months, but I'm not sure I'd ever have the balls to move there the way I moved to Sydney.
21. Occasionally I wish I had a really strong and consistent work ethic, but then I look around at the people that do and I think they're kind of boring, and I'm not so sure it's possible to have it all.
22. There are old fat ugly women on my hotel room TV screen right now and I am judging them.
23. Clearly I am struggling with the list of 25, as I really just want to head out to the pool now.
24. I hope there aren't any old fat ugly people at the pool. It makes me uncomfortable...as if I thought it might be contagious or something.
25. I can't believe I'm still writing this, or that you're still reading it. Now I remember why I didn't want to do this in the first place.
1. The first time I was tagged in one of these things about a week ago, I rolled my eyes and swore I wouldn't do it. By the 5th time I'd been tagged, I felt left out, and I hate feeling left out.
2. I didn't think I would have 25 things to say about myself, and then remember that I talk about myself like it's my job, so this shouldn't really be an issue.
3. 25 people isn't a lot, I'd probably tag more but I am surprisingly one to follow the rules. Otherwise I'd tag at least 75 people.
4. Once every few months I worry that having too many Facebook friends seems really lame and desperate, and I go through and cull around 20 people.
5. I keep people who have funny/interesting status updates, even if I have literally no interaction with them in real life or virtually.
6. I feel really really sorry for the people who have extremely boring status updates about their lives ("Toby Wilkins is eating breakfast!!"), and especially people who do day by day countdowns to their next vacation, which really just illustrates how little else is going on in their lives.
7. Since mid-2008 I have deleted at least 4 people for being Republicans, and I actually feel kind of bad that I'm so closed-minded. But I'd delete them all again if I had the chance. Preferably for a Burger King Whopper this time.
8. I just got a request to move a meeting to two hours later, which means I now have time to go out and lay by the pool and work on my tan, but I am stuck writing this because I can't stand starting something and not finishing it.
9. I clean my apartment for hours at a time at least once every weekend. I worry that it's a form of mild-OCD, but it makes me feel really good so I won't be seeking diagnosis or treatment.
10. If I didn't drink I would own at least one house by now. If I didn't travel internationally, I would own two or more. Seriously, I've done the math.
11. I think teetotaling 30 year olds who own a house and rarely travel internationally should kill themselves.
12. Sometimes I wonder if my natural tendency to speak constantly and very loudly are some sort of a neurological disorder that hasn't been recognized by medical science yet.
13. I've tried in the past to not talk so much at social gatherings, but I often find that I'm far funnier and more interesting than anyone else in the room and can't hold it in.
14. Every now and then I have pangs of sadness to think that I may never live in the same city as some of my closest friends ever again.
15. My excitement for my upcoming 4 week trip to South America only slightly outweighs how mortified I am at how much it's going to cost, essentially spending half of my 2009 tax refund 3 months before I get it.
16. Lately I've become addicted to home renovation and cooking shows, and I'm paranoid that as I approach 30 I'm turning into one of those boring people who wants to buy a house and throw dinner parties instead of getting drunk in random cities around the world.
17. In the past year I've started to feel guilty about eating junk food and not exercising, after almost three decades of thinking people who had to worry about that sort of thing were losers.
18. I just realized I've been writing this for almost 20 minutes now and I'm a bit worried that no one will read it other than the people with the boring status updates. (If you just read that, CLEARLY I didn't mean YOU!)
19. My dream life would be spending October to April in Sydney and May to September in New York, with plenty of other places in between.
20. I would love to live in Paris for at least a few months, but I'm not sure I'd ever have the balls to move there the way I moved to Sydney.
21. Occasionally I wish I had a really strong and consistent work ethic, but then I look around at the people that do and I think they're kind of boring, and I'm not so sure it's possible to have it all.
22. There are old fat ugly women on my hotel room TV screen right now and I am judging them.
23. Clearly I am struggling with the list of 25, as I really just want to head out to the pool now.
24. I hope there aren't any old fat ugly people at the pool. It makes me uncomfortable...as if I thought it might be contagious or something.
25. I can't believe I'm still writing this, or that you're still reading it. Now I remember why I didn't want to do this in the first place.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Serves Me Right For Being Subtle
Okay just a quick rant, folks -- let's do this one as a hypothetical situation.
Let's say you're new to town and you meet someone who seems pretty cool, fun and social. So you exchange contact info, you hang out with this person and their friends a couple of times, and all is well.
Then on a Friday morning, you email this person and ask what they're up to after work. Said person responds and says they are meeting up with some former colleagues at a bar in the city, and will be in touch later to possibly meet up. Which of the following adventures would you choose?
A) Say that getting in touch later sounds good, and make other plans
B) Respond to indicate that maybe you will just get together another time, and make other plans.
C) Ask if you can join the group.
D) Reply to say that you will be at the bar at 5.30pm, waiting.
So yeah, I might have a stalker, and I am vaguely annoyed about it. He's not even a bad person, I don't dislike him, and maybe it's my own fault for telling him what bar I was going to after work. However, I didn't realize that you had to be more obvious than pointing out that it was a get together for people who used to work together (i.e. this has nothing to do with you). Not to mention that when someone says "Oh yeah, stay in touch tonight and maybe I'll see you later" is pretty much universal for "I have better things to do, I will call you if I'm bored at any point in the next few years."
Let's say you're new to town and you meet someone who seems pretty cool, fun and social. So you exchange contact info, you hang out with this person and their friends a couple of times, and all is well.
Then on a Friday morning, you email this person and ask what they're up to after work. Said person responds and says they are meeting up with some former colleagues at a bar in the city, and will be in touch later to possibly meet up. Which of the following adventures would you choose?
A) Say that getting in touch later sounds good, and make other plans
B) Respond to indicate that maybe you will just get together another time, and make other plans.
C) Ask if you can join the group.
D) Reply to say that you will be at the bar at 5.30pm, waiting.
So yeah, I might have a stalker, and I am vaguely annoyed about it. He's not even a bad person, I don't dislike him, and maybe it's my own fault for telling him what bar I was going to after work. However, I didn't realize that you had to be more obvious than pointing out that it was a get together for people who used to work together (i.e. this has nothing to do with you). Not to mention that when someone says "Oh yeah, stay in touch tonight and maybe I'll see you later" is pretty much universal for "I have better things to do, I will call you if I'm bored at any point in the next few years."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Focused Intolerance
Lately I've grown a bit concerned with my behaviour and inability to deal with a certain type of person. And that would be...willfully ignorant Republicans. Specifically, I can name at least 4 people that I have deleted from my friend list on Facebook for at least one of the following charges:
1) Praising Sarah Palin, without a hint of sarcasm
2) Announcing, once again sans sarcasm, that they were a McCain supporter, even after the Palin selection and Joe The Plumber fiasco
3) Saying something about Bush not being that bad, despite the crumbling of the world economy, a decline in American power and stability not seen in decades, if ever, and the fact that the Constitution will take years to repair after the past 8 years
4) Acting as though Obama is really the worst possible thing to walk into the Oval Office, even though it has instantly gained America respect of the kind we haven't seen in years, and has some of our worst enemies willing to consider talking to us instead of figuring out the fastest way to rid the planet of us
I consider myself to be a very open minded human being. And not just because I think that, in general, people should be able to do what they want to do as long as they're not causing anyone harm. Even when I see people who are blinded by religious and intolerant beliefs and constantly judge others for the way they live, I really try to at least understand that they come from a very different place than I do, and that there's a reason (if not an excuse) for the way they are. It's what I like to think of as a What Would Obama Do? philosophy.
But when someone posts a link to a story on World Net Daily that talks about how Obama is the end of America, I'm not sure I'd have the restraint to not hit the "Delete from Existence" button were I given access to God's control panel. And this is not even for having conservative or Republican beliefs. I actually think there are a lot of intelligent and reasonable Republicans out there, even if I don't particularly agree with their point of view. But if you get your news from World Net Daily, you're officially a moron.
Exhibit A: The person who wrote the article is clearly 15 years old. He may be skilled at the use of a Thesaurus (did he really use the word "platitudinous"?) but if anyone thinks big words equals smart ideas, maybe they should be writing for this site.
Exhibit B: There is an ad for an Ann Coulter book. Even die-hard Republicans who have never seen the inside of a community college think this whackjob is simply an attention-seeking idiot who just wants to sell books. At this point even the most dim-witted of readers must know they are in unfortunate company.
Exhibit C: Loving this headline below...if not only that it's shocking in its ridiculousness, you've gotta appreciate the fact that those who claim to be the most patriotic don't seem to know how to spell "America".
If anyone thinks I'm being a bit harsh by culling my Facebook list for this reason, please please please let me know. I won't do anything about it, but I might pretend to care.
1) Praising Sarah Palin, without a hint of sarcasm
2) Announcing, once again sans sarcasm, that they were a McCain supporter, even after the Palin selection and Joe The Plumber fiasco
3) Saying something about Bush not being that bad, despite the crumbling of the world economy, a decline in American power and stability not seen in decades, if ever, and the fact that the Constitution will take years to repair after the past 8 years
4) Acting as though Obama is really the worst possible thing to walk into the Oval Office, even though it has instantly gained America respect of the kind we haven't seen in years, and has some of our worst enemies willing to consider talking to us instead of figuring out the fastest way to rid the planet of us
I consider myself to be a very open minded human being. And not just because I think that, in general, people should be able to do what they want to do as long as they're not causing anyone harm. Even when I see people who are blinded by religious and intolerant beliefs and constantly judge others for the way they live, I really try to at least understand that they come from a very different place than I do, and that there's a reason (if not an excuse) for the way they are. It's what I like to think of as a What Would Obama Do? philosophy.
But when someone posts a link to a story on World Net Daily that talks about how Obama is the end of America, I'm not sure I'd have the restraint to not hit the "Delete from Existence" button were I given access to God's control panel. And this is not even for having conservative or Republican beliefs. I actually think there are a lot of intelligent and reasonable Republicans out there, even if I don't particularly agree with their point of view. But if you get your news from World Net Daily, you're officially a moron.
Exhibit A: The person who wrote the article is clearly 15 years old. He may be skilled at the use of a Thesaurus (did he really use the word "platitudinous"?) but if anyone thinks big words equals smart ideas, maybe they should be writing for this site.Exhibit B: There is an ad for an Ann Coulter book. Even die-hard Republicans who have never seen the inside of a community college think this whackjob is simply an attention-seeking idiot who just wants to sell books. At this point even the most dim-witted of readers must know they are in unfortunate company.
Exhibit C: Loving this headline below...if not only that it's shocking in its ridiculousness, you've gotta appreciate the fact that those who claim to be the most patriotic don't seem to know how to spell "America".
If anyone thinks I'm being a bit harsh by culling my Facebook list for this reason, please please please let me know. I won't do anything about it, but I might pretend to care.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Happy Australia Day - I Hate You
This past weekend was a long one -- we had Monday off for Australia Day, where even old people seem to find it perfectly acceptable get trashed all day and dance. But this post isn't about drunken dancing old ladies. Some people even seem to find such things "cute" and think I'm a bastard for being horrified by their very existence. So fine, let me move on.
I want to talk about the BBQ I went to at my cousin's house on Sunday. It was her new house which was pretty cool, and we all set into drinking heavily, singing along to music, and ended up playing midnight volleyball in the pool, surely to the delight of all the neighbors.
The most offensive part though, was having "that girl" in attendance. I've supposedly met her before, although I have zero recollection. And understandably so, as I imagine many people actually block out memories of her. She was the girl that inevitably starts a massive fight with her boyfriend any time they are in a group with other people, and then acts like a complete ass clown and cries and wants people to have sympathy for her.
Now don't get me wrong, I realize most people have been there. You're drunk, a certain mood strikes, and things get a bit messy. But if you're the person that does this every single time you smell a beer, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your life. Especially if you're crying, then dancing, and then dancing AND crying at the same time. Do you have ANY idea what that looks like, even to people who have been drinking beer, wine and vodka for 12 hours? My god.
Some additional tips for the "lady" in question:
1) We got out of the pool about 2 hours ago. Please get your not-so-toned ass out of that bikini into some real clothes.
2) If I very deliberately turn away from you at the moment you make eye contact with me when you're looking for someone's shoulder to cry on, I am not simply delaying that scenario. I am excusing myself from it. Don't try again 5 minutes later.
3) When I posted the photos to Facebook and didn't tag you in any of them, I actually thought I was doing you a favor. I realize you're no poster girl for the concept of "dignity", but why you would want to tag yourself in a photo where your eyes were rolled back in your head and you were slipping out of your bikini top, I can't even imagine.
4) Please be aware that even though I accepted your friend request just to be polite, I will delete you from my list at the next culling and simply hope you don't notice. Don't make me block you.
I want to talk about the BBQ I went to at my cousin's house on Sunday. It was her new house which was pretty cool, and we all set into drinking heavily, singing along to music, and ended up playing midnight volleyball in the pool, surely to the delight of all the neighbors.
The most offensive part though, was having "that girl" in attendance. I've supposedly met her before, although I have zero recollection. And understandably so, as I imagine many people actually block out memories of her. She was the girl that inevitably starts a massive fight with her boyfriend any time they are in a group with other people, and then acts like a complete ass clown and cries and wants people to have sympathy for her.
Now don't get me wrong, I realize most people have been there. You're drunk, a certain mood strikes, and things get a bit messy. But if you're the person that does this every single time you smell a beer, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your life. Especially if you're crying, then dancing, and then dancing AND crying at the same time. Do you have ANY idea what that looks like, even to people who have been drinking beer, wine and vodka for 12 hours? My god.
Some additional tips for the "lady" in question:
1) We got out of the pool about 2 hours ago. Please get your not-so-toned ass out of that bikini into some real clothes.
2) If I very deliberately turn away from you at the moment you make eye contact with me when you're looking for someone's shoulder to cry on, I am not simply delaying that scenario. I am excusing myself from it. Don't try again 5 minutes later.
3) When I posted the photos to Facebook and didn't tag you in any of them, I actually thought I was doing you a favor. I realize you're no poster girl for the concept of "dignity", but why you would want to tag yourself in a photo where your eyes were rolled back in your head and you were slipping out of your bikini top, I can't even imagine.
4) Please be aware that even though I accepted your friend request just to be polite, I will delete you from my list at the next culling and simply hope you don't notice. Don't make me block you.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Obligatory Inauguration Post
Apologies for the silence, it's been a busy week. I could have blogged a few days ago to talk about the weekend and yet another lunch turning into a half day bender that resulted in at least one person blacking out before the sun went down, but would that really add anything to what's been catalogued here over the last few years? I think not.
I have to admit I struggled for something to blog about. And as excited as I am about the inauguration of a President who doesn't inspire me to take voice lessons so that I sound like I was raised in a South American jungle as opposed to any location that sits on the same continent as Texas, the whole event being talked and blogged and commented to death.
In particular, everyone is obsessed with what Michelle Obama would wear throughout the day. And in what might be a more unique commentary on that, I have to say...I don't really get it. Let me be clear -- I don't hate what she wears. I think it's nice enough. More importantly, it's not nearly as boring as what we've seen on pretty much any other political wife out there. But it doesn't blow me away or anything. And what she was wearing for the ceremony itself, while not offensive by any stretch of the imagination, does look like someone took a Bedazzler to my grandmother's sofa upholstery. If it helps, I'd give it credit for looking like something that was thrown together by one of the promising designers who made it to the final 6 on the lost season of Project Runway and maybe even won this specific challenge that involved choosing a piece of furniture to transform into formalwear, but I think all the ass-kissing that's going on about it is just a little over the top. And really, if most of us had to pick a globe trotting first lady to be if we had the choice, I think we all know the prize would go to Carla Bruni, minus the whole having sex with Nicholas Sarkozy bit.
I have to admit I struggled for something to blog about. And as excited as I am about the inauguration of a President who doesn't inspire me to take voice lessons so that I sound like I was raised in a South American jungle as opposed to any location that sits on the same continent as Texas, the whole event being talked and blogged and commented to death.
In particular, everyone is obsessed with what Michelle Obama would wear throughout the day. And in what might be a more unique commentary on that, I have to say...I don't really get it. Let me be clear -- I don't hate what she wears. I think it's nice enough. More importantly, it's not nearly as boring as what we've seen on pretty much any other political wife out there. But it doesn't blow me away or anything. And what she was wearing for the ceremony itself, while not offensive by any stretch of the imagination, does look like someone took a Bedazzler to my grandmother's sofa upholstery. If it helps, I'd give it credit for looking like something that was thrown together by one of the promising designers who made it to the final 6 on the lost season of Project Runway and maybe even won this specific challenge that involved choosing a piece of furniture to transform into formalwear, but I think all the ass-kissing that's going on about it is just a little over the top. And really, if most of us had to pick a globe trotting first lady to be if we had the choice, I think we all know the prize would go to Carla Bruni, minus the whole having sex with Nicholas Sarkozy bit.
Friday, January 16, 2009
FAIL
After getting off to a great start this year in terms of cutting back on the partying and spending ( I realize it's only been two weeks, but you have to count the small victories, people), I am sitting at my desk at work having just agreed to go to a ridiculously expensive lunch at a nearby steakhouse with my colleagues.
The lunch isn't for another 45 minutes so I still have plenty of time to change my mind, but I've already looked over the menu, decided on the starter, main, and sides that I want, and even which glass of cab sav I'll be ordering.
I feel pretty guilty about it already, since my original plan for lunch today involved a $9.90 burrito. My rationalization at this point includes:
Any other pointers would greatly improve my comfort level with this whole scenario, so please, pass them on.
The lunch isn't for another 45 minutes so I still have plenty of time to change my mind, but I've already looked over the menu, decided on the starter, main, and sides that I want, and even which glass of cab sav I'll be ordering.
I feel pretty guilty about it already, since my original plan for lunch today involved a $9.90 burrito. My rationalization at this point includes:
- I'm always still hungry after the burrito
- It's Friday and I should really eat a lot of food before I start drinking this afternoon
- We all have to treat ourselves every now and then
Any other pointers would greatly improve my comfort level with this whole scenario, so please, pass them on.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Ah, The Good Old Days
I'd blog about my weekend, but you'd all be bored to tears. I did have a big Friday night, but I don't remember enough of it to make it sound remotely interesting.
What I did remember all of a sudden though, was a few weeks back when I was at a supposedly exclusive bar (or at least they try to make it appear that way) and before it was even 8pm some dude started throwing up in the middle of the bar.
That in itself is something of an accomplishment, however to make it so much better, he apparently ran into the bathroom to finish puking, and totally ralphed on a random guy's back, as the innocent victim was simply trying to take a piss at a urinal.
It just reminded me of my younger, more exciting days, that's all.
I have "a quick drink" planned with Busty tonight after not seeing her for ages, so we'll see if I can follow that up with falling the stairs after two bottles of wine each, as I may have done in 2008. Allegedly.
What I did remember all of a sudden though, was a few weeks back when I was at a supposedly exclusive bar (or at least they try to make it appear that way) and before it was even 8pm some dude started throwing up in the middle of the bar.
That in itself is something of an accomplishment, however to make it so much better, he apparently ran into the bathroom to finish puking, and totally ralphed on a random guy's back, as the innocent victim was simply trying to take a piss at a urinal.
It just reminded me of my younger, more exciting days, that's all.
I have "a quick drink" planned with Busty tonight after not seeing her for ages, so we'll see if I can follow that up with falling the stairs after two bottles of wine each, as I may have done in 2008. Allegedly.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Zero Improvement
I mean that in at least two ways...the first being that just a week ago I mentioned how slack my blogging had been, and here we are a week later in the same situation. And I haven't even been that busy.
Also, there's my bad habits in general. I'm not really a believer in New Years Resolutions. My thoughts on the matter are really that if you were going to make any significant change in your life, you'd do it whether it was January 1st or not. I always laugh when I see people saying they will start a diet "on Monday", while shoving a greasy burger into their face on Thursday afternoon. Because we all know that if they had any real interest in improving their dietary habits, they would already have started.
However, I do understand the impulse to see certain moments in one's life as a chance for a new beginning. I've generally tried to be a bit healthier and to spend a little less money over the last few months, if not longer, but how much I've succeeded is questionable. I do think I'm drinking less, which is great, and I'm eating a little healthier these days. However any financial savings in that area has been blown away by my even more extravagant travel adventures.
And so, I had hoped that in some way, 2009 would be a little less indulgent than the previous year. Imagine my dismay then, when on January 3rd, I found myself (I love that phrasing -- as if some people snuck into my house, overpowered me, dressed me up in a suit and dragged me to somewhere I'd never have any interest in going) at the races, betting large sums of money on horses I knew nothing about while downing champagne like it was oxygen.
The quintessential "who-was-I-kidding" moment was when I drunkenly tore up one of my betting tickets, thinking I had lost, only to realize that the horse in 4th actually counted as a "place" and would have gotten me back some of my bet money. Smooth.
Ah well...at least it's Friday and I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. That sure as hell never happened in 2008.
Also, there's my bad habits in general. I'm not really a believer in New Years Resolutions. My thoughts on the matter are really that if you were going to make any significant change in your life, you'd do it whether it was January 1st or not. I always laugh when I see people saying they will start a diet "on Monday", while shoving a greasy burger into their face on Thursday afternoon. Because we all know that if they had any real interest in improving their dietary habits, they would already have started.
However, I do understand the impulse to see certain moments in one's life as a chance for a new beginning. I've generally tried to be a bit healthier and to spend a little less money over the last few months, if not longer, but how much I've succeeded is questionable. I do think I'm drinking less, which is great, and I'm eating a little healthier these days. However any financial savings in that area has been blown away by my even more extravagant travel adventures.
And so, I had hoped that in some way, 2009 would be a little less indulgent than the previous year. Imagine my dismay then, when on January 3rd, I found myself (I love that phrasing -- as if some people snuck into my house, overpowered me, dressed me up in a suit and dragged me to somewhere I'd never have any interest in going) at the races, betting large sums of money on horses I knew nothing about while downing champagne like it was oxygen.
The quintessential "who-was-I-kidding" moment was when I drunkenly tore up one of my betting tickets, thinking I had lost, only to realize that the horse in 4th actually counted as a "place" and would have gotten me back some of my bet money. Smooth.
Ah well...at least it's Friday and I haven't had a drink since Saturday night. That sure as hell never happened in 2008.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Oops
I hate to say I actually forgot about the blog for the past week. Probably a result of the fact that as my second week off work comes to a close, my average day has consisted of watched TV, reading, napping, and the occasional dinner and drinks with friends. I'd even forgotten that I was supposed to do some work until one of my clients called me a couple of days ago.
In any case, I've actually been mostly well-behaved over the break, other than a very messy Sunday involving drinking on the beach all day and an attempt at clubbing later that night. And of course New Years Eve, which I think can be summarized by the following:
At this point there's a 64% probability that I will be a drunken fool this evening. I can only be a good boy for so long.
In any case, I've actually been mostly well-behaved over the break, other than a very messy Sunday involving drinking on the beach all day and an attempt at clubbing later that night. And of course New Years Eve, which I think can be summarized by the following:
At this point there's a 64% probability that I will be a drunken fool this evening. I can only be a good boy for so long.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Worst. Christmas. Ever.
I had a lovely Christmas lunch with my family yesterday, and then came home to have a quiet and relaxing evening on the couch watching some of my favorite TV shows. Normally this would have been just fine. However, Santa must have decided I was a very naughty boy in 2008, because for Christmas I got...my first cold sore.
I had always assumed that I was one of those people who just didn't get cold sores. But as it turns out, anyone can get them if you get stressed enough, so I'm assuming this is a result of 12 hour work days followed by dinner and drinks every single night for almost a month.
My family and flatmate have all laughed at me because they claim they wouldn't have noticed it at all if I hadn't gotten ridiculously close to them and pointed it out, however it's really more about the fact that even if no one can see it, I feel like I should have half my face covered a la Phantom of the Opera.
Perhaps I should really put things into perspective and consider all the people who are losing their homes or can't afford to even feed their children this holiday season, but instead I intend to stay inside my apartment and feel sorry for myself until this situation is all cleared up. See you all next year.
I had always assumed that I was one of those people who just didn't get cold sores. But as it turns out, anyone can get them if you get stressed enough, so I'm assuming this is a result of 12 hour work days followed by dinner and drinks every single night for almost a month.
My family and flatmate have all laughed at me because they claim they wouldn't have noticed it at all if I hadn't gotten ridiculously close to them and pointed it out, however it's really more about the fact that even if no one can see it, I feel like I should have half my face covered a la Phantom of the Opera.
Perhaps I should really put things into perspective and consider all the people who are losing their homes or can't afford to even feed their children this holiday season, but instead I intend to stay inside my apartment and feel sorry for myself until this situation is all cleared up. See you all next year.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Cheer
So I had a few people over yesterday for some drinks. The idea was that we'd do something a bit more wholesome, like play games etc., but we just ended up getting drunk and forgetting that part.
To sum up the evening, here's a bit of a countdown of my favorite moments:
5) Ginny looking at the people on the balcony across from us and asking "Are those mops?"
4) Me trying to drink out of an unopened bottle of beer. Repeatedly.
3) Stranger complaining that he wasn't able to find tickets for a music festival in February, and that when he looked online they were only selling tickets for 2009. Um...
2) Me not realizing someone had closed the glass door to my balcony, and walking into it face first.
1) Ginny leaving the party to meet her boyfriend downstairs to go to dinner with him and his parents...and then coming back upstairs because he told her she was too drunk.
I'm sure this just what the baby Jesus had in mind. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for Christmas Eve drinks...
To sum up the evening, here's a bit of a countdown of my favorite moments:
5) Ginny looking at the people on the balcony across from us and asking "Are those mops?"
4) Me trying to drink out of an unopened bottle of beer. Repeatedly.
3) Stranger complaining that he wasn't able to find tickets for a music festival in February, and that when he looked online they were only selling tickets for 2009. Um...
2) Me not realizing someone had closed the glass door to my balcony, and walking into it face first.
1) Ginny leaving the party to meet her boyfriend downstairs to go to dinner with him and his parents...and then coming back upstairs because he told her she was too drunk.
I'm sure this just what the baby Jesus had in mind. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for Christmas Eve drinks...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
R.I.P.
While attempting to rearrange my freezer to fit bags of ice in there for my Christmas/Belated B-Day drinks that are starting any moment now, I dropped a half-full bottle of vodka on the floor and it smashed everywhere.
I'm saddened by the loss of booze, which is always a tragedy, however I'm really enjoying the way my apartment now reeks of vodka. It reminds me of Christmas with the family.
I'm saddened by the loss of booze, which is always a tragedy, however I'm really enjoying the way my apartment now reeks of vodka. It reminds me of Christmas with the family.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
It's All Relative
I've had a couple of pretty messy nights in the last week or so, but what I love about those nights is that as embarrassed as you might feel for yourself, it only takes one person to tell you about their night for you to feel almost completely vindicated.
Example #1: Saturday Session In Perth
The aftermath of this one included vague memories of the afternoon pub crawl with Chappy and J, plus new friends picked up along the way, and meeting up with Newman to drink an unnecessary amount of his duty free vodka before heading to the club. This was topped off by cuts on my hands, chipped fingernails (I can only assume I took a few falls on the way back to my hotel), and no recollection of how I could have gotten home.
I was rather angry at myself for being so ridiculous, until Newman called -- he didn't know how he got home either, but was at first just happy he had woken up alone in his hotel room. That is, until he got up and found a stranger's underwear in the bathroom, a used condom on the floor, and a note with a phone number on the bedside table, but still no idea who he had brought home. He wins. Or loses, I suppose.
Example #2: Work Christmas Party In Sydney
I got back to Sydney in time to head out on a yacht on the harbour for 4 hours, which involved me telling far too many embarrassing stories about myself, berating at least one colleague, and stumbling out of the bar without saying goodbye.
My personal humilation was quickly trumped the next day by stories of how one of our graduates had woken up in a towel storage closet at the Park Hyatt, and our boss' corporate card in his pocket.
I am basically a saint in comparison, and will just think about them the next time I do something completely retarded (likely to happen within the next 48 hours).
Example #1: Saturday Session In Perth
The aftermath of this one included vague memories of the afternoon pub crawl with Chappy and J, plus new friends picked up along the way, and meeting up with Newman to drink an unnecessary amount of his duty free vodka before heading to the club. This was topped off by cuts on my hands, chipped fingernails (I can only assume I took a few falls on the way back to my hotel), and no recollection of how I could have gotten home.
I was rather angry at myself for being so ridiculous, until Newman called -- he didn't know how he got home either, but was at first just happy he had woken up alone in his hotel room. That is, until he got up and found a stranger's underwear in the bathroom, a used condom on the floor, and a note with a phone number on the bedside table, but still no idea who he had brought home. He wins. Or loses, I suppose.
Example #2: Work Christmas Party In Sydney
I got back to Sydney in time to head out on a yacht on the harbour for 4 hours, which involved me telling far too many embarrassing stories about myself, berating at least one colleague, and stumbling out of the bar without saying goodbye.
My personal humilation was quickly trumped the next day by stories of how one of our graduates had woken up in a towel storage closet at the Park Hyatt, and our boss' corporate card in his pocket.
I am basically a saint in comparison, and will just think about them the next time I do something completely retarded (likely to happen within the next 48 hours).
Friday, December 12, 2008
The City That Sleeps
I've been in Perth for around 5 days now, and I'm finding it hard to sum up for people. Yes, it's relatively small (less than 2 million people), but I would still consider it a city. The weird thing about Perth is how you can actually walk down the main strip in the middle of the day with more than a few massive skyscrapers around you, and feel like you're in a ghost town. Very odd. I've actually had this strange feeling every now and then that it's all just a big set being staged for my benefit. Very Truman Show-ish.There's actually plenty going on, but you have to be shown where it is. More importantly, the weather has been almost flawless, meaning I've been able to spend what little down time I have laying out by the pool and working on getting my tan out of hibernation. And now I'm looking forward to having at least one day at the beach this weekend, followed by a night of drinking myself silly to make up for all the good behavior of the last few weeks. Time to find out how much these small-towners can take.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Business Travel - Not So Glamorous
Sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but I doubt many have noticed considering how sporadic my updates have been lately.
To recap the weekend very quickly, Brisbane was really good, even though it involved me having the most low-key birthday in possibly my entire 29 years. Better yet is my ability to say that even though it definitely included at least 7 hours of drinking. I'm getting there.
Now I'm in Perth in Western Australia, which I believe has the formal title of "Most Isolated City In The World". It's definitely a bit of a tease being in such a beautiful part of the world and on day 3 all I've really seen is the street between my hotel and the client office, one pub, and a McDonald's (as a result of the pub). I have a few friends here so I'm looking forward to seeing more of the area this week and over the weekend, but my new workaholic ways are threatening to put a stop to that. I know. I don't recognize myself either.
And because I'm working so much, I'm also extremely boring at the moment, evidenced by this post. Expect more painfully boring updates until I get back to Sydney in a week and a half, where I then I have 2 weeks of nothing to do other than get drunk, act stupid, and blog about it. I'm excited too.
To recap the weekend very quickly, Brisbane was really good, even though it involved me having the most low-key birthday in possibly my entire 29 years. Better yet is my ability to say that even though it definitely included at least 7 hours of drinking. I'm getting there.
Now I'm in Perth in Western Australia, which I believe has the formal title of "Most Isolated City In The World". It's definitely a bit of a tease being in such a beautiful part of the world and on day 3 all I've really seen is the street between my hotel and the client office, one pub, and a McDonald's (as a result of the pub). I have a few friends here so I'm looking forward to seeing more of the area this week and over the weekend, but my new workaholic ways are threatening to put a stop to that. I know. I don't recognize myself either.
And because I'm working so much, I'm also extremely boring at the moment, evidenced by this post. Expect more painfully boring updates until I get back to Sydney in a week and a half, where I then I have 2 weeks of nothing to do other than get drunk, act stupid, and blog about it. I'm excited too.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
The Other Kind Of "-holic" Is More Fun
For perhaps a month or two each year, I go from being a pointless drain on my company's financial resources to the kind of person I usually make fun of after meeting some friends at a pub well before any of us should even be leaving the office -- a workaholic.
This is that moment in 2008. I've managed to coast through most of the year based on the fact that I was promoted last December (so who do I really need to impress for another year or two?) and that I have already taken over 6 weeks of vacation, which tended to be a good excuse to not accept any significant piece of work since I'd be laying on a beach somewhere on the other side of the world before it was finished anyway.
However it's come up to mid-year review time, and I've found myself with an embarrassingly low productivity rating that would reflect someone who was hired to fill some sort of special needs government quota for companies of a certain size. As luck would have it, in the weeks before offical reviews started, I landed two pretty impressive deals -- one through a personal connection and another one because I was just in the right place at the right time, and both have kicked off in the last few days. As a result, I will be traveling to Brisbane for work tomorrow, and Perth for 2 weeks after that. It also means that I've been working 12 hours days and a few hours on the weekends, and that shows no sign of stopping until around February.
I don't handle stress very well. I get even more self-absorbed, I actually socialize a lot less, I get cranky more often than usual. I also don't sleep well because I wake up at 4 in the morning thinking about all the things I need to do when I get to work, and often have to email myself reminders so that I can stop obsessing about them and go back to sleep. But in the end, I generally do really good work for the few weeks that I actually put any effort into it, and it pays off when it comes time to evaluate my performance.
A lot of people are pretty appalled by this approach. Apart from a clear lack of a general work ethic, I will admit that it's pretty sad to know that I am more than capable of being a truly productive member of my team all the time, but just can't be bothered unless there's something in it for me. In my defense though, by setting the bar so low, just a few weeks of actual work really impresses people and probably gets more attention than the people who are working hard all the time. Cynical, but true.
Also, consider this post an excuse for any lack of attention to the blog over the next couple of weeks, while I pretend I have any idea what I'm talking about on a daily basis. Which I suppose isn't that different from the usual.
This is that moment in 2008. I've managed to coast through most of the year based on the fact that I was promoted last December (so who do I really need to impress for another year or two?) and that I have already taken over 6 weeks of vacation, which tended to be a good excuse to not accept any significant piece of work since I'd be laying on a beach somewhere on the other side of the world before it was finished anyway.
However it's come up to mid-year review time, and I've found myself with an embarrassingly low productivity rating that would reflect someone who was hired to fill some sort of special needs government quota for companies of a certain size. As luck would have it, in the weeks before offical reviews started, I landed two pretty impressive deals -- one through a personal connection and another one because I was just in the right place at the right time, and both have kicked off in the last few days. As a result, I will be traveling to Brisbane for work tomorrow, and Perth for 2 weeks after that. It also means that I've been working 12 hours days and a few hours on the weekends, and that shows no sign of stopping until around February.
I don't handle stress very well. I get even more self-absorbed, I actually socialize a lot less, I get cranky more often than usual. I also don't sleep well because I wake up at 4 in the morning thinking about all the things I need to do when I get to work, and often have to email myself reminders so that I can stop obsessing about them and go back to sleep. But in the end, I generally do really good work for the few weeks that I actually put any effort into it, and it pays off when it comes time to evaluate my performance.
A lot of people are pretty appalled by this approach. Apart from a clear lack of a general work ethic, I will admit that it's pretty sad to know that I am more than capable of being a truly productive member of my team all the time, but just can't be bothered unless there's something in it for me. In my defense though, by setting the bar so low, just a few weeks of actual work really impresses people and probably gets more attention than the people who are working hard all the time. Cynical, but true.
Also, consider this post an excuse for any lack of attention to the blog over the next couple of weeks, while I pretend I have any idea what I'm talking about on a daily basis. Which I suppose isn't that different from the usual.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
I Am Not An Imposter
I haven't really blogged in the last few days because I really didn't have much to report. I achieved a relatively quiet weekend, meaning just a handful of beers on Friday night and not a drop of alchohol on Saturday, even after helping a friend move. Australians are very insistent on moving themselves with the help of friends, which I don't feel like I'd ever witnessed until I moved here. In NYC we tend to just hire some guys with a van and watch from the sidelines, eventually shelling out a couple thousand dollars at the end of it all and just being grateful that we're not movers ourselves.
It also annoys me that Australians refer to moving companies as "removalists". It just seems like an unnecessarily complicated word. Not to mention that it's a bit one-sided, as it ignores the fact that after they've removed the items, they place them in a new location. But I digress.
On Sunday I actually came into work for a couple of hours (please, pick your jaws up off the floor), simply to clear my conscience of the few items that I thought it would make sense to just take care of before the onslaught of client workshops and meetings the next day. Once that was done, I felt more than justified in meeting the Hickster at the Yacht Club for "lunch". There was food, but when it's a few pieces of squid after a bottle of wine and then followed by three more bottles of wine, I'm not sure there's any point in pretending that the focus was on the food.
Nonetheless, I consider this success in terms of achieving a quiet weekend, and my last weekend in Sydney until it's almost Christmas, as I'm off to Brisbane on Friday, spending the weekend there, and then flying to Perth on Sunday to spend a couple of weeks there for work. I fully expect both cities to be thoroughly traumatized by the time I'm done. Stories to follow.
It also annoys me that Australians refer to moving companies as "removalists". It just seems like an unnecessarily complicated word. Not to mention that it's a bit one-sided, as it ignores the fact that after they've removed the items, they place them in a new location. But I digress.
On Sunday I actually came into work for a couple of hours (please, pick your jaws up off the floor), simply to clear my conscience of the few items that I thought it would make sense to just take care of before the onslaught of client workshops and meetings the next day. Once that was done, I felt more than justified in meeting the Hickster at the Yacht Club for "lunch". There was food, but when it's a few pieces of squid after a bottle of wine and then followed by three more bottles of wine, I'm not sure there's any point in pretending that the focus was on the food.Nonetheless, I consider this success in terms of achieving a quiet weekend, and my last weekend in Sydney until it's almost Christmas, as I'm off to Brisbane on Friday, spending the weekend there, and then flying to Perth on Sunday to spend a couple of weeks there for work. I fully expect both cities to be thoroughly traumatized by the time I'm done. Stories to follow.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Arrrgh Mateys
That subject line actually reminds me of the time I was visiting Australia for the first time around 5 years ago and received an email from Drama with the subject line "Ahoy matey!", as she thought that's what they said to each other here. I had to explain that it was Australia, not Pirate Island, and the term she was trying to think of was "G'day mate". Good times.
But no, this time I use that subject for my post because I actually had a minor operation this morning to remove a small lump from my eyelid. It wasn't particularly noticeable (the proof of that being that I've had it for well over 6 months and almost no one has noticed it until I've pointed it out) but being the vain bastard that I am, I decided to have it removed. As a result I've spent most of today with a ridiculous patch over my eye, which is uncomfortable and about to "accidentally" come loose so I can watch a couple of hours of TV without getting a headache.
Naturally, this has also managed to coincide with the week that I've kicked off two important new projects with two important new clients, so despite being a bit drugged up and unable to see properly, I've spent much of the day sending work emails and on the phone with clients. Considering I have a questionable work ethic at the best of times, I think we can all be sure this won't last long at all.
But no, this time I use that subject for my post because I actually had a minor operation this morning to remove a small lump from my eyelid. It wasn't particularly noticeable (the proof of that being that I've had it for well over 6 months and almost no one has noticed it until I've pointed it out) but being the vain bastard that I am, I decided to have it removed. As a result I've spent most of today with a ridiculous patch over my eye, which is uncomfortable and about to "accidentally" come loose so I can watch a couple of hours of TV without getting a headache.
Naturally, this has also managed to coincide with the week that I've kicked off two important new projects with two important new clients, so despite being a bit drugged up and unable to see properly, I've spent much of the day sending work emails and on the phone with clients. Considering I have a questionable work ethic at the best of times, I think we can all be sure this won't last long at all.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Gobble Gobble
My Thanksgiving dinner party went off without any major hitches on Saturday afternoon. People started showing up around 3pm and many didn't leave until after 1am -- and security didn't even shut off my power this time!
Probably my favorite moment of the evening was when my flatmate joined us for a bit, and the Hickster - after around 9 hours of drinking, I should mention - had a conversation that involved her establishing that he was my flatmate (although she had met him at least once before) asking him where he worked about 3 times in 10 minutes, and then asking him where he lived. Smooth.
Not long after finishing the food, we cranked up the music, focused on the drinking, and ended up dancing and singing along to modern classics like "Shoop" and "Drop It Like It's Hot", just like the pilgrims did with the Native Americans back in the day. It feels good to keep the traditions alive.
Also fantastic is how the drunkest friends always the ones who want to keep going. There are two I can think of who could barely talk or stand up by the time they left my apartment, and were demanding to know which bar they should go to in order to continue the festivities. Whatever people, just get out of my house.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Relatively Speaking, One Could Think Of Me As A Teetotaler
I actually haven't had a drink since Tuesday night, when the only reason I was out drinking was because a friend was visiting. And I'm aiming to abstain from (or at least limit my exposure to) alcohol this evening as well, since I'm having some 25 people over to my place tomorrow afternoon for an early Thanksgiving dinner and I can't imagine anything worse than cooking a 15 pound turkey and sides while severely hungover.
In the meantime though, I figured I would share a link to some drinking stories that put most of this blog to shame. It's good to know that there are people out there that make me seem like one of the most conservative and boring party people to grace our kind. I also hope that tonight I dream of booze in fountains and rushing through the streets.
In the meantime though, I figured I would share a link to some drinking stories that put most of this blog to shame. It's good to know that there are people out there that make me seem like one of the most conservative and boring party people to grace our kind. I also hope that tonight I dream of booze in fountains and rushing through the streets.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Redemption
So after writing myself off on Thursday and Friday, and then following that up with a booze cruise on the harbour for around 5 hours on Saturday, I was feeling pretty wretched on Sunday morning. Since I wasn't too hungover though, I ended up spending most of Sunday doing the one thing that makes me feel better about being such a useless member of society -- I cleaned like a maniac all afternoon.
I cleaned the stove. I cleared out everything questionable in the fridge. I even mopped and cleaned the balcony, which I've never done before in over a year and a half of being in that apartment, and is possibly one of the more pointless activities I've bothered with lately considering the balcony is like outside and stuff, and will be filthy again with a week or so.
I am now attempting a relatively quiet week in preparation for the massive Thanksgiving dinner I'm hosting at my place this coming Saturday. At which point, it starts all over again. Life is funny that way...
I cleaned the stove. I cleared out everything questionable in the fridge. I even mopped and cleaned the balcony, which I've never done before in over a year and a half of being in that apartment, and is possibly one of the more pointless activities I've bothered with lately considering the balcony is like outside and stuff, and will be filthy again with a week or so.
I am now attempting a relatively quiet week in preparation for the massive Thanksgiving dinner I'm hosting at my place this coming Saturday. At which point, it starts all over again. Life is funny that way...
Friday, November 14, 2008
It's All A Blur
Quite literally -- I am having trouble focusing on what is actually displayed on my computer monitors at work. I've found myself in that limbo of hungoverness, where I'm far too hungover to do anything productive at work, but not too hungover that I would be opposed to a few more drinks this afternoon.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
That Would Be Unfortunate
Based on a mention of it in a Time magazine article, I checked out http://www.livingto100.com and took the Life Expectancy quiz or whatever to see how long it thought I would live based on my various health habits, or lack thereof.
My result was nothing short of horrifying:
Some of you would be surprised to know that I'm a relatively healthy person. I get exercise, I generally don't eat too badly, try to sleep for close to 8 hours a night, all those sorts of things.
I will also readily admit that I got off easy on the drinking question. As with many of these things, their options for the "How many drinks do you have in one sitting?" question were something like a) 1, b) 2, c) 3+, d) I don't drink. I'm sure it would have shaved at least a decade off of my life if they'd kept going and I'd been forced to select q) 17.
And let's hope so, because I can't imagine anything worse than living past 80 years old -- no offense to my absolutely lovely 96-year old grandmother.
I'd write more, but I have a bar to get to if I'm going to get that life expectancy down. Cheers!
My result was nothing short of horrifying:
Some of you would be surprised to know that I'm a relatively healthy person. I get exercise, I generally don't eat too badly, try to sleep for close to 8 hours a night, all those sorts of things.I will also readily admit that I got off easy on the drinking question. As with many of these things, their options for the "How many drinks do you have in one sitting?" question were something like a) 1, b) 2, c) 3+, d) I don't drink. I'm sure it would have shaved at least a decade off of my life if they'd kept going and I'd been forced to select q) 17.
And let's hope so, because I can't imagine anything worse than living past 80 years old -- no offense to my absolutely lovely 96-year old grandmother.
I'd write more, but I have a bar to get to if I'm going to get that life expectancy down. Cheers!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Ah, Right...
Just remembered the other item I meant to add to the previous list...and I will own up to this one. I spent so much time out partying this weekend that on Sunday evening when I got home and ran into my flatmate (that's right, not "roommate", get over it), he actually thought I'd been away for the weekend. Nice.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Signs You Had Too Much Fun This Weekend
Had an absolutely huge weekend -- so huge that I'm pretty sure I'm still recovering, as I can't seem to wake up in time to head to the pool in the mornings.
In any case, I would like to add a disclaimer to the following, as not all of them are actually my highlights, but shared between three of us. So without further ado, here are some signs you may have had too much fun this weekend:
1) You claim you're going to have a quiet Friday night, start drinking at 4pm, and head home trashed at 2am thinking you've just managed it.
2) You somehow think it's acceptable to be having a few beers in a bar at 10.30am on a Saturday while waiting for the real drinking to start at lunchtime.
3) Arriving at a cafe for another birthday party after lunch, you sit down to chat with some very sober friends who just happen to be there, and only then realize what a drunken idiot you must sound like, at only 6pm.
4) After meeting a new person, having to sit next to them for a few minutes and realizing you don't like them, you actually signal a big thumbs down to your friend to let them know that the new person sucks. While the new person is still looking at you.
5) You get to an apartment building for a house party, and while waiting for someone to figure out which apartment we need to buzz up to, you turn to your friend and ask him why he can't just let us into his apartment -- and are then informed that it's not his building, which looks nothing like this and is on the other side of the city.
6) While at the house party, you knock a potted plant off the 5th floor balcony -- and are asked to leave the party.
The last one is my favorite, because seriously, who is kicked out of a house party without having started a fight? With one of the hosts? But after 12 hours of celebrating various birthdays, I think it's only fair.
Sadly I think I've forgotten a couple of great moments (go figure!) but if anything comes to mind maybe I'll try to slip it in there without anyone noticing. Haha that made me laugh. Okay, I will stop typing now.
In any case, I would like to add a disclaimer to the following, as not all of them are actually my highlights, but shared between three of us. So without further ado, here are some signs you may have had too much fun this weekend:
1) You claim you're going to have a quiet Friday night, start drinking at 4pm, and head home trashed at 2am thinking you've just managed it.
2) You somehow think it's acceptable to be having a few beers in a bar at 10.30am on a Saturday while waiting for the real drinking to start at lunchtime.
3) Arriving at a cafe for another birthday party after lunch, you sit down to chat with some very sober friends who just happen to be there, and only then realize what a drunken idiot you must sound like, at only 6pm.
4) After meeting a new person, having to sit next to them for a few minutes and realizing you don't like them, you actually signal a big thumbs down to your friend to let them know that the new person sucks. While the new person is still looking at you.
5) You get to an apartment building for a house party, and while waiting for someone to figure out which apartment we need to buzz up to, you turn to your friend and ask him why he can't just let us into his apartment -- and are then informed that it's not his building, which looks nothing like this and is on the other side of the city.
6) While at the house party, you knock a potted plant off the 5th floor balcony -- and are asked to leave the party.
The last one is my favorite, because seriously, who is kicked out of a house party without having started a fight? With one of the hosts? But after 12 hours of celebrating various birthdays, I think it's only fair.
Sadly I think I've forgotten a couple of great moments (go figure!) but if anything comes to mind maybe I'll try to slip it in there without anyone noticing. Haha that made me laugh. Okay, I will stop typing now.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Am I Dead Yet?
Cup Day was the usual madness, and we even ended up at an afterparty to cap off 9 hours of heavy drinking.
And so I woke up feeling awful on Wednesday, but ridiculously excited at the prospect of positive election results. I was stressed and cranky until around 3pm when Obama was announced, and have been completely elated ever since.
Left work early and grabbed a few friends to meet up at the Democrats Abroad party at Slide Lounge, and downed so much champagne that I might actually be part French now.
Alas, the buzz is finally fading, and I think I might die when I get home in just over an hour. Which would be totally worth it.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Giddy Up
Apologies if I've used that same subject line in years previous, but it's Melbourne Cup Day here in Australia, so we're all about to leave the office to spend the afternoon drinking and betting on horses.
This year I was the social chair for Cup Day, so they gave me a $1000 budget to play with, and I've booked a room for 25 of us at the Dolphin Hotel, plus food and a few bottles of champagne.
Pictures to follow, I'm sure.
This year I was the social chair for Cup Day, so they gave me a $1000 budget to play with, and I've booked a room for 25 of us at the Dolphin Hotel, plus food and a few bottles of champagne.
Pictures to follow, I'm sure.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Scary Stuff
Friday night's big Halloween party went off without a hitch, and I was pretty impressed with most of the Australian's effort, considering they're not really used to celebrating.
The only issue was creativity. Not that mine was particularly mind-blowing, but I made the mistake of telling a couple of people that I had decided to be a cop, and thus ended up with about 4 female partners at the party. Some of the numbers:
Police officer: 5
Amy Winehouse: 3
Pirates: 3
Playboy bunnies: 2
She-devils: 2
And I'm probably a little biased since I was the one who forced Juice to get this one, but this was definitely my favorite:
Full album with captions coming shortly.
The only issue was creativity. Not that mine was particularly mind-blowing, but I made the mistake of telling a couple of people that I had decided to be a cop, and thus ended up with about 4 female partners at the party. Some of the numbers:
Police officer: 5
Amy Winehouse: 3
Pirates: 3
Playboy bunnies: 2
She-devils: 2
And I'm probably a little biased since I was the one who forced Juice to get this one, but this was definitely my favorite:
Full album with captions coming shortly.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Call Me Nostradamus
I've decided to go ahead and post my prediction for the Election Day results. I think the vast majority of people at this point are assuming that Obama will win, and I hope with every fiber of my being that it's true.
In the meantime, here is my call on the actual electoral outcome -- let's see how badly I can embarrass myself:
My biggest dilemma was deciding which one would take Ohio, so I am going to assume that racism is alive and well in the Buckeye state and say that they send their electoral votes McCain's way. I was also wondering about Florida, but I'm pretty sure they will manage to fuck up the vote count yet again and some Republican nobody will hijack the state. Probably to no avail. Here's hoping.
In the meantime, here is my call on the actual electoral outcome -- let's see how badly I can embarrass myself:
My biggest dilemma was deciding which one would take Ohio, so I am going to assume that racism is alive and well in the Buckeye state and say that they send their electoral votes McCain's way. I was also wondering about Florida, but I'm pretty sure they will manage to fuck up the vote count yet again and some Republican nobody will hijack the state. Probably to no avail. Here's hoping.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Unfortunate Events
Well it had been a few months since I'd had a truly embarrassing drunken moment (I think we can all agree I've been relatively well-behaved lately) so I suppose it was overdue.
On Friday, as mentioned, we had our work quarterly event. Someone who was definitely not me thought that 80's tennis was a great theme. Might have worked out better for some if we hadn't started drinking before the tournament. My doubles partner and I made it to the Grand Final (with little to no help from me) only for me to choke and us to lose the game. Other highlights:
1) Accidentally telling my boss to "fuck off" in the middle of a conversation. It wasn't in a mean way, just one of those moments where you say something really casually and there are major consequences for your career as a result. You know how it is.
2) Falling on the ground (because a colleague had decided to jump on me) and my boss telling me that I am a "sad, pathetic man". Bitter much?
3) Losing my bottle of wine at the club at least twice. It was like an easter egg hunt for alcoholics.
4) Dragging around 10 people to a friend's apartment across the street from the club, and partying very loudly and drunkenly there until close to 2am. Casualties seem to include a few wine glasses and a clothes hamper. And one of my coworkers claims to have a bruise on his arm because I fell on him at one point. Score.
Needless to say, I only left my apartment on Saturday in order to rent a DVD that I could watch while eating the pizza I ordered. I backed it up on Sunday with a few bottles of wine, but decided it was time to go home when I looked at my hand and it was bleeding. WTF. Not my weekend.
On Friday, as mentioned, we had our work quarterly event. Someone who was definitely not me thought that 80's tennis was a great theme. Might have worked out better for some if we hadn't started drinking before the tournament. My doubles partner and I made it to the Grand Final (with little to no help from me) only for me to choke and us to lose the game. Other highlights:
1) Accidentally telling my boss to "fuck off" in the middle of a conversation. It wasn't in a mean way, just one of those moments where you say something really casually and there are major consequences for your career as a result. You know how it is.
2) Falling on the ground (because a colleague had decided to jump on me) and my boss telling me that I am a "sad, pathetic man". Bitter much?
3) Losing my bottle of wine at the club at least twice. It was like an easter egg hunt for alcoholics.
4) Dragging around 10 people to a friend's apartment across the street from the club, and partying very loudly and drunkenly there until close to 2am. Casualties seem to include a few wine glasses and a clothes hamper. And one of my coworkers claims to have a bruise on his arm because I fell on him at one point. Score.
Needless to say, I only left my apartment on Saturday in order to rent a DVD that I could watch while eating the pizza I ordered. I backed it up on Sunday with a few bottles of wine, but decided it was time to go home when I looked at my hand and it was bleeding. WTF. Not my weekend.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Back At Square One
I've actually had a relatively quiet week. There was most likely a little too much wine at the Night Noodle Markets on Tuesday night (after wine and a shot at lunch), but I was functional on Wednesday and haven't had a drink since.
And so tonight promises to be a glorious disaster. We are leaving the office at 2pm and heading to some tennis courts for our work quarterly event, the theme of which today is "Wimbledon '82" -- so we will basically dress up like assholes (my head and wristbands are ready to go, and I already see some wigs in the office), pretend we can play tennis (I believe 4 out of 25 people have played in the last year, if ever), and then focus very hard on getting obliterated on the company's dime.
Have I mentioned I love Australia?
And so tonight promises to be a glorious disaster. We are leaving the office at 2pm and heading to some tennis courts for our work quarterly event, the theme of which today is "Wimbledon '82" -- so we will basically dress up like assholes (my head and wristbands are ready to go, and I already see some wigs in the office), pretend we can play tennis (I believe 4 out of 25 people have played in the last year, if ever), and then focus very hard on getting obliterated on the company's dime.
Have I mentioned I love Australia?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
It Shouldn't Be That Hard
*Please forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes, I am sitting in my office at 2pm on a Tuesday smelling like white wine and sour apple schnappes.
As I'm sure I've mentioned here, I'm throwing a huge Halloween bash on the 31st. I've booked out a couple of spaces at a fun bar with a DJ, costumes have been delivered, and we are in the process of selecting which food we want served.
However what's been causing me the most grief over the last couple of days is determining a Halloween cocktail that I want added to the drinks menu that night. All I want is something green (I think red or orange is too common, and black is too difficult) that isn't too hard for the bartenders to make and tastes half decent, but all I can find is ghetto websites with extremely complicated suggestions. Surely we can just throw some vodka, tonic water, and midori in a glass and give it a cheesy Halloween name?
I love that typing this post is what helped me come up with that. Name suggestions are still welcome, though. Maybe a "Witches Tit"?
As I'm sure I've mentioned here, I'm throwing a huge Halloween bash on the 31st. I've booked out a couple of spaces at a fun bar with a DJ, costumes have been delivered, and we are in the process of selecting which food we want served.
However what's been causing me the most grief over the last couple of days is determining a Halloween cocktail that I want added to the drinks menu that night. All I want is something green (I think red or orange is too common, and black is too difficult) that isn't too hard for the bartenders to make and tastes half decent, but all I can find is ghetto websites with extremely complicated suggestions. Surely we can just throw some vodka, tonic water, and midori in a glass and give it a cheesy Halloween name?
I love that typing this post is what helped me come up with that. Name suggestions are still welcome, though. Maybe a "Witches Tit"?
Monday, October 20, 2008
The End Of The Blog?
No, not really. Although I am feeling rather lonely these days since most of my blogging compatriots seem to have abandoned their sites. But no, I posed that question because I just had possibly the quietest weekend I've had in longer than I can remember.
I did have a few drinks on Friday night, but didn't have a drop of alcohol on Saturday, which is easily my biggest accomplishment. Sunday included a few glasses of champagne in the park in the afternoon, but still ended with me laying on my couch, almost completely sober.
I'm pretty excited that I finally managed to have the quiet weekend I've been trying to have since I got back from my ridiculous trip. Mostly because I feel like I've earned some of the messy weekends that I know I have coming up in the near future. I've even just planned a minor surgery around my upcoming drinking schedule. More details on that to follow.
I did have a few drinks on Friday night, but didn't have a drop of alcohol on Saturday, which is easily my biggest accomplishment. Sunday included a few glasses of champagne in the park in the afternoon, but still ended with me laying on my couch, almost completely sober.
I'm pretty excited that I finally managed to have the quiet weekend I've been trying to have since I got back from my ridiculous trip. Mostly because I feel like I've earned some of the messy weekends that I know I have coming up in the near future. I've even just planned a minor surgery around my upcoming drinking schedule. More details on that to follow.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Website of the Month
Yesterday I mailed in my absentee ballot, I think it goes without saying that I am voting for Obama/Biden. I would make more political commentary on here, but I find the whole situation so shocking and upsetting that I'm afraid it would turn into an insane rant.
As it is, I will just leave you with this fantastic website to play around with -- click around the room for laughs:
As it is, I will just leave you with this fantastic website to play around with -- click around the room for laughs:
Monday, October 13, 2008
Older or Dumber?
I was trying to decide which of those resulted in me ending up totally trashed and in bed before midnight on both Friday and Saturday. I'm guessing it was the latter. I love how after 3 years of Fridays in this country, I still say "I can just eat at the end of the night, don't want to ruin my buzz", and quickly find myself unable to see or walk and desperate for a taxi home.
Saturday was the most ridiculous -- after breakfast and meeting a couple of friends (who were both still drunk from the night before, I should mention) at the Costume Shop in preparation for my Halloween party, we decided it couldn't hurt to head back to my place and drink a couple of beers on the balcony. At 1pm.
It would have been bad enough that we were blasting music and singing along by 7pm, but that was all topped off by security actually SHUTTING OFF POWER TO MY APARTMENT to make it all stop. Yeah, for reals.
So I guess that's a new low, considering it's not like it was the middle of the night or anything, so we must have been REALLY loud. I barely remember that stage of the evening to be honest.
The plus side of getting wasted and passing out so early is that you wake up the next day feeling pretty good and ready for more, or at least a lazy afternoon on the beach like yesterday. Now if I can just stay away from the booze for a few days...
Saturday was the most ridiculous -- after breakfast and meeting a couple of friends (who were both still drunk from the night before, I should mention) at the Costume Shop in preparation for my Halloween party, we decided it couldn't hurt to head back to my place and drink a couple of beers on the balcony. At 1pm.
It would have been bad enough that we were blasting music and singing along by 7pm, but that was all topped off by security actually SHUTTING OFF POWER TO MY APARTMENT to make it all stop. Yeah, for reals.
So I guess that's a new low, considering it's not like it was the middle of the night or anything, so we must have been REALLY loud. I barely remember that stage of the evening to be honest.
The plus side of getting wasted and passing out so early is that you wake up the next day feeling pretty good and ready for more, or at least a lazy afternoon on the beach like yesterday. Now if I can just stay away from the booze for a few days...
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Party Foul
Earlier this year, I realized that Halloween actually fell on a Friday this year. Australians don't really celebrate anywhere near the same way that we do back in the U.S., and since it's easily one of my favorite holidays, I decided I would throw a party with my friend Jules and show the Aussies how it's done.
So I booked the biggest room at one of my favorite bars in Sydney, and even had a designer at work create an invite for me to email out:
And as I always do, I wrote up a long email to set the scene and get people interested in the party, and emailed it out last week. I also decided to create it as a Facebook event, since I actually don't have email addresses for a lot of friends.
So you can imagine my shock when I caught up with Busty on Saturday for some drinks, and she asked me if I had found my Halloween invitation text on the internet. When I asked why she would think that, she told me that she had actually received almost the exact same invitation on Facebook from a different friend a day after she had received and accepted mine.
That's right -- her friend saw my invite on Facebook, COPIED AND PASTED the text over to her own invite, and after some minor changes (including location and date, of course) sent it out to all of her friends. Naturally I had a few questions:
1) Who does that?!
2) If you are going to do something that tacky and unoriginal, wouldn't you at least NOT invite the person who received my invite the previous day?
3) WHO DOES THAT?!!
I immediately had Busty text message this chick to let her know that I thought she was a thief. Most people have told me that I should be flattered, but I think I'm more bothered by the fact that others might see my invite and think that it was ME who was being unoriginal. As if.
The thief (who I feel I should mention is Canadian - figures) has since admitted to stealing my invite, and said I should come to her party, which I think I find even more insulting. I have passed along my own invitation to her, saying she should come to my party as "a Plagiarist", and I will be more than happy to have a shirt waiting for her with "COPY" on the front and "PASTE" on the back.
Loser.
So I booked the biggest room at one of my favorite bars in Sydney, and even had a designer at work create an invite for me to email out:
And as I always do, I wrote up a long email to set the scene and get people interested in the party, and emailed it out last week. I also decided to create it as a Facebook event, since I actually don't have email addresses for a lot of friends.
So you can imagine my shock when I caught up with Busty on Saturday for some drinks, and she asked me if I had found my Halloween invitation text on the internet. When I asked why she would think that, she told me that she had actually received almost the exact same invitation on Facebook from a different friend a day after she had received and accepted mine.
That's right -- her friend saw my invite on Facebook, COPIED AND PASTED the text over to her own invite, and after some minor changes (including location and date, of course) sent it out to all of her friends. Naturally I had a few questions:
1) Who does that?!
2) If you are going to do something that tacky and unoriginal, wouldn't you at least NOT invite the person who received my invite the previous day?
3) WHO DOES THAT?!!
I immediately had Busty text message this chick to let her know that I thought she was a thief. Most people have told me that I should be flattered, but I think I'm more bothered by the fact that others might see my invite and think that it was ME who was being unoriginal. As if.
The thief (who I feel I should mention is Canadian - figures) has since admitted to stealing my invite, and said I should come to her party, which I think I find even more insulting. I have passed along my own invitation to her, saying she should come to my party as "a Plagiarist", and I will be more than happy to have a shirt waiting for her with "COPY" on the front and "PASTE" on the back.
Loser.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Weight Watchers, Here I Come!
I'm a little disappointed in myself for not blogging for an entire week -- I think I posted more often during my hectic trip around the world. If I have any excuse at all (and trust me, I know this is a flimsy one) I was drunk Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights, and Monday night was much needed recovery before I went to a dinner party last night and once again consumed far too much wine.
Which all ties pretty neatly into something I'm trying to make a focus at the moment, and that's my health. After a month of traveling around the world, getting little to no exercise (unless you include dancing the night away in a trashy club, I don't), and eating complete and utter crap, I arrived back in Sydney feeling pretty disgusting. Not that I've ever been the epitome of healthy living, but in the last couple of years I've tended to balance out the bad drinking and eating habits with at least a few healthy things like swimming and the occasional multi-vitamin.
So now I need to focus. And here are the three rules I am trying to set for myself at the moment:
1) Exercise more. It's not that hard for me -- when I first started swimming in the mornings early last year, I did it every single day including weekends. In the past 6 months that's tapered off to around every other day, but that's still not too bad. And considering I'm one of the few people who seems to even look forward to waking up at 6am to jump into a pool that's not nearly heated enough, the prospects on this one look good. Especially when I wake up in the morning and see a fatty staring back at me.
2) Eat less. Probably the most obvious one for most people, but consider that I'm one of those people who has never had to think about what he eats. So my new rules around eating are that lunch needs only consist of one serving (one burrito will suffice, I don't need two quesadillas to go with it), and the afternoon trips to McDonald's to "hold me over until dinner" are completely unnecessary. And if I feel any hunger pains, I can think of that as what it feels like to get skinnier. I learned that one from an actual anorexic.
3) Drink less. So this is the trickiest one. Not only because I am a really social person who finds it hard to turn down an invitation to drinks (and please don't make the ridiculous suggestion that I should go to a bar but not drink, it ain't gonna happen), but mostly because it completely screws me over for the first two rules. Generally I drink for a few hours after work, and then get something ridiculously unhealthy on the way home, which is the only way to soften the blow of the hangover the next morning, which still isn't enough to make me feel like going swimming when I wake up.
Notice none of this refers to any proper diet or detox. I find it amazing that people still do those things even though any doctor, medical study, or person with an ounce of common sense could tell you that cutting anything out of your life completely for some time, only to start up again weeks or months later, probably just reduces your body's ability to process it, and makes you feel even worse in the long run.
So this week, I've turned over a new leaf. Since last night was a dinner party with a family friend, I have excused the few glasses of wine. I was just being polite. Otherwise, I am going to attempt to limit my drinking to 3 nights a week, and I will also aim to drink less beer, since I think it's no coincidence that my general weight gain started to happen around the time I moved to Australia and started drinking beer for many hours at a time, several times a week.
We'll see how I go -- I'm not actually fat (although the bitchier people in my life would tend to disagree), so it's just about feeling a bit better and if I lose a little of the chubbiness in my face and also regain something that could at least resemble abdominal muscles in certain light, then I'll be more than happy.
Which all ties pretty neatly into something I'm trying to make a focus at the moment, and that's my health. After a month of traveling around the world, getting little to no exercise (unless you include dancing the night away in a trashy club, I don't), and eating complete and utter crap, I arrived back in Sydney feeling pretty disgusting. Not that I've ever been the epitome of healthy living, but in the last couple of years I've tended to balance out the bad drinking and eating habits with at least a few healthy things like swimming and the occasional multi-vitamin.
So now I need to focus. And here are the three rules I am trying to set for myself at the moment:
1) Exercise more. It's not that hard for me -- when I first started swimming in the mornings early last year, I did it every single day including weekends. In the past 6 months that's tapered off to around every other day, but that's still not too bad. And considering I'm one of the few people who seems to even look forward to waking up at 6am to jump into a pool that's not nearly heated enough, the prospects on this one look good. Especially when I wake up in the morning and see a fatty staring back at me.
2) Eat less. Probably the most obvious one for most people, but consider that I'm one of those people who has never had to think about what he eats. So my new rules around eating are that lunch needs only consist of one serving (one burrito will suffice, I don't need two quesadillas to go with it), and the afternoon trips to McDonald's to "hold me over until dinner" are completely unnecessary. And if I feel any hunger pains, I can think of that as what it feels like to get skinnier. I learned that one from an actual anorexic.
3) Drink less. So this is the trickiest one. Not only because I am a really social person who finds it hard to turn down an invitation to drinks (and please don't make the ridiculous suggestion that I should go to a bar but not drink, it ain't gonna happen), but mostly because it completely screws me over for the first two rules. Generally I drink for a few hours after work, and then get something ridiculously unhealthy on the way home, which is the only way to soften the blow of the hangover the next morning, which still isn't enough to make me feel like going swimming when I wake up.
Notice none of this refers to any proper diet or detox. I find it amazing that people still do those things even though any doctor, medical study, or person with an ounce of common sense could tell you that cutting anything out of your life completely for some time, only to start up again weeks or months later, probably just reduces your body's ability to process it, and makes you feel even worse in the long run.
So this week, I've turned over a new leaf. Since last night was a dinner party with a family friend, I have excused the few glasses of wine. I was just being polite. Otherwise, I am going to attempt to limit my drinking to 3 nights a week, and I will also aim to drink less beer, since I think it's no coincidence that my general weight gain started to happen around the time I moved to Australia and started drinking beer for many hours at a time, several times a week.
We'll see how I go -- I'm not actually fat (although the bitchier people in my life would tend to disagree), so it's just about feeling a bit better and if I lose a little of the chubbiness in my face and also regain something that could at least resemble abdominal muscles in certain light, then I'll be more than happy.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Easing Back Into It
Well folks, I'm back in Sydney. By the end of my trip, all I really wanted was to just get back here and return to my life, since I think a month is kind of a long time to be away from it all. Not that I've had that much to come back to in terms of work, especially. Sure a couple more people have resigned, including my arch-nemesis, which I've found strangely unsatisfactory, since I love having enemies. But other than that the only real exciting development has been a huge new monitor to hook up to my existing work computer, which means I can read my Gmail and check my Facebook account at the same time. Yes, really.
In the meantime, I should probably get to work on the rest of my photos from the big trip, although I have a new favorite photo ever of myself that Emla was kind enough to send through -- HOT STUFF. I think the extra chromosome really brings out my eyes.
In the meantime, I should probably get to work on the rest of my photos from the big trip, although I have a new favorite photo ever of myself that Emla was kind enough to send through -- HOT STUFF. I think the extra chromosome really brings out my eyes.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Still Globetrotting
My ridiculous journey is almost over, which I'm more than grateful for. As much as I love travel and adventure, I've discovered that jetsetting from one country to another for an entire 4 weeks can actually get kind of old. Not to mention expensive and exhausting.
Clearly I had to put my blogging duties on the backburner for a couple of weeks while I continued my attempt to hang out with everyone I've ever known around the world within a short month, but hopefully things will get back to normal when I'm back in Sydney next week.
I'm not even sure if I should bother telling any of the random stories here, since I will hopefully document them well enough in my photo album. I will however say that a highlight of the last couple of weeks was spending some time with my 96-year old grandmother in Yorkshire for a few days, which was the first time I'd seen her in 3 years. I can't even begin to tell people how immensely proud I am of my genetic heritage from a woman who consistently tells us how blind she is, and yet is more than capable of rattling off a quick list of who in the family needs to lose some weight, including those who have recently given birth. Bless.
Anyway, I got into San Francisco last night, so I'm going to spend today relaxing by the pool and/or napping, followed by a few drinks tonight, and perhaps a little sightseeing in the city tomorrow if I feel so inclined (which I very well might not, after the last few weeks). Here's hoping I at least catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Clearly I had to put my blogging duties on the backburner for a couple of weeks while I continued my attempt to hang out with everyone I've ever known around the world within a short month, but hopefully things will get back to normal when I'm back in Sydney next week.
I'm not even sure if I should bother telling any of the random stories here, since I will hopefully document them well enough in my photo album. I will however say that a highlight of the last couple of weeks was spending some time with my 96-year old grandmother in Yorkshire for a few days, which was the first time I'd seen her in 3 years. I can't even begin to tell people how immensely proud I am of my genetic heritage from a woman who consistently tells us how blind she is, and yet is more than capable of rattling off a quick list of who in the family needs to lose some weight, including those who have recently given birth. Bless.
Anyway, I got into San Francisco last night, so I'm going to spend today relaxing by the pool and/or napping, followed by a few drinks tonight, and perhaps a little sightseeing in the city tomorrow if I feel so inclined (which I very well might not, after the last few weeks). Here's hoping I at least catch a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Monday, September 15, 2008
When I Grow Up
The trip continues, and as exhausted and hungover as I increasingly find myself each day along the way, it's all been far too good a time to want it to be over quite yet. (I may have a very different opinion in a week's time).
Either way, Paris ended up being a blast, not least because we met up with Vix and let her show us her version of a good night out, which was surprisingly similar to our usual, except that innocent bystanders would have not understood quite how obnoxious we were being if they didn't speak English.
I still don't have enough time to blog properly, but here's a taste of the evening with a couple of selected photos:
Friday, September 12, 2008
...For All The Bitches Out There...
I'm about to head to Paris for the night, and then London tomorrow (hopefully), however I couldn't leave the continent without providing some new euro trash for you to snack on.
The clear gem of the collection this trip is by someone calling herself "Discobitch". We're still not sure where she's from, as she 'sings' in both French and English extremely poorly, but between the trashy video and the retarded but catchy dance track, we are in heaven:
The clear gem of the collection this trip is by someone calling herself "Discobitch". We're still not sure where she's from, as she 'sings' in both French and English extremely poorly, but between the trashy video and the retarded but catchy dance track, we are in heaven:
Other winners include the latest from Mylene Farmer (decent track but brilliant video) and the new one from Eric Prydz, which has a great beat but wins extra points for inaccuracy and insensitivity regarding the Native American culture.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
No Respect
Well I'm currently in France, mostly relaxing, and drinking enough that I would normally consider it partying, but in a civilized manner and with cheese that somehow means we're just being really sophisticated.
Nothing much to report, although we do have some great pictures already that will be posted at some point. Amsterdam was a blast, and as seen in this photo that recently surfaced, I still have no respect for even the most sacred of cermonies and cultures...but I'm not the only one:
More to come eventually, if i can drag myself away from the French wine and Russian vodka...
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Seriously? Did You Say That?
Still loving my holiday, and Sri Lanka was amazing. Between great food, playing with elephants, and getting some serious sun by the pool, there's not much to complain about.
But as always, I can think of something. The first night in Sri Lanka, Emla and Presto decided they were going to have a big night. I was exhausted from the travel and the jetlag, and shuffled off to bed around midnight. The two of them, on the other hand, decided to keep going until around 6 in the morning. And they still managed to meet me for breakfast at 9.30am. Impressive.
Emla put on a good face, but by the afternoon she was feeling ill. That's expected, of course. What annoyed me, however, was that she committed one of my top alcohol-related crimes -- at one point during her suffering, she actually said "Ugh...maybe it was something I ate."
Um, no. I'm guessing it's more likely it was one of the 1) 8 pints of beer you drank, 2) 6 glasses of whisky, or 3) 5 hours of sleep you didn't get. To suggest it might have been "something [you] ate" is almost an insult to the very power of alcohol, and I personally won't stand for it.
But as always, I can think of something. The first night in Sri Lanka, Emla and Presto decided they were going to have a big night. I was exhausted from the travel and the jetlag, and shuffled off to bed around midnight. The two of them, on the other hand, decided to keep going until around 6 in the morning. And they still managed to meet me for breakfast at 9.30am. Impressive.
Emla put on a good face, but by the afternoon she was feeling ill. That's expected, of course. What annoyed me, however, was that she committed one of my top alcohol-related crimes -- at one point during her suffering, she actually said "Ugh...maybe it was something I ate."
Um, no. I'm guessing it's more likely it was one of the 1) 8 pints of beer you drank, 2) 6 glasses of whisky, or 3) 5 hours of sleep you didn't get. To suggest it might have been "something [you] ate" is almost an insult to the very power of alcohol, and I personally won't stand for it.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
2-minute Review of Singapore
I flew in around midnight, went straight to my hotel. Overslept, cutting into the time I had planned to use to take a stroll around the city. Was about to finish breakfast when I saw that they were setting up an omelette station, so weighed seeing a new city against my new option, and chose to wait for an omelette. Yes, really.
But from my 5 minute walk around the block, it's officially the only clean and orderly Asian city I've been to, and the absolute lack of poor people in public makes me want to considering moving here in my later years.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another quick one, since my flight doesn't board for a few minutes -- I was sleeping on the flight from Sydney to Singapore when I woke up to the sound of an arguably male flight attendant yelling "Miss! Miss! Are you okay?! Miss! Are you okay?!". Guessing from the fact that the woman in question was sprawled out unconcious on the floor, I'm guessing the answer to that was probably "no", had she been in any condition to answer.
The whole situation annoyed me for several reasons. First, can't a brotha get some sleep on a long haul flight? Second, the flight attendant's voice. I can't stand Asian accents (call me racist, I don't care) and overly flamboyant gay voice isn't acceptable. The combination, and at a loud volume, was aggravating at best. And finally, I don't believe in fainting. It's the kind of thing that happens in movies. Or to overly dramatic people who want some attention. I'm guessing her husband was more interested in the latest Cameron Diaz movie than talking to her, so she decided to put on a show. Whatever, lady.
But from my 5 minute walk around the block, it's officially the only clean and orderly Asian city I've been to, and the absolute lack of poor people in public makes me want to considering moving here in my later years.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another quick one, since my flight doesn't board for a few minutes -- I was sleeping on the flight from Sydney to Singapore when I woke up to the sound of an arguably male flight attendant yelling "Miss! Miss! Are you okay?! Miss! Are you okay?!". Guessing from the fact that the woman in question was sprawled out unconcious on the floor, I'm guessing the answer to that was probably "no", had she been in any condition to answer.
The whole situation annoyed me for several reasons. First, can't a brotha get some sleep on a long haul flight? Second, the flight attendant's voice. I can't stand Asian accents (call me racist, I don't care) and overly flamboyant gay voice isn't acceptable. The combination, and at a loud volume, was aggravating at best. And finally, I don't believe in fainting. It's the kind of thing that happens in movies. Or to overly dramatic people who want some attention. I'm guessing her husband was more interested in the latest Cameron Diaz movie than talking to her, so she decided to put on a show. Whatever, lady.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Here I Go Again...
So it's the day I leave on my month long trip around the world. For those who didn't already know, the itinerary includes:
...and then back to Sydney.
My flight is in a few hours, so naturally I have not only failed to finish my laundry and pack, but I haven't even bought the suitcase I want so that I can travel in a little more style. This all occurred to me yesterday, but I still decided to spend my entire evening in a bar throwing myself farewell drinks instead of taking care of any of that.
Gonna head off and do it all that now, but if I'm quiet for a few days or even a couple of weeks, there's my excuse.
- Singapore
- Kandy, Sri Lanka
- Colombo, Sri Lanka
- Chennai, India
- Amsterdam, Netherlands
- Brittany, France
- Paris, France
- London, UK
- Yorkshire, UK
- NYC, USA
- SF, USA
...and then back to Sydney.
My flight is in a few hours, so naturally I have not only failed to finish my laundry and pack, but I haven't even bought the suitcase I want so that I can travel in a little more style. This all occurred to me yesterday, but I still decided to spend my entire evening in a bar throwing myself farewell drinks instead of taking care of any of that.
Gonna head off and do it all that now, but if I'm quiet for a few days or even a couple of weeks, there's my excuse.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
So Much For Professionalism
As much of a douche bag as I can generally be when I'm out partying, I tend to tone it down just a touch when I'm with work people, believe it or not. Make no mistake, I am still completely offensive and most people would never say half of the things that come out of my mouth if they were in professional company, but I'm nowhere near as bad as we all know I can be.
I continued to behave on Friday night when I was in Melbourne and drinking with a few people from our Sydney and Melbourne offices. We'd been in a boring workshop all day, and needed to let off a bit of steam. For me, this meant having a few cocktails and telling a racist joke or two. For one of my Melbourne colleagues, this meant she should get completely sloshed, spend half the night insisting that she is my new best friend, and then get frisky in a bathroom with the friend of one of our other coworkers.
This was the conversation that we endured in a taxi going from bar #2 to bar #3:
Melbourne colleague: Oh my god, he was so hot. And such a good kisser.
Zander & other coworker: Uh huh.
Melbourne colleague: And you would not believe how quickly he got my shirt off in the bathroom. I didn't even know what had happened!
Zander & other colleague: Nice.
Melbourne colleague (to cab driver): Oh my god, I'm not offending you am I? I don't want to, like, offend your culture and stuff.
[cab driver remains silent, probably calling on Allah to strike her down in a fit of rage]
To her credit, she did drink and dance with us until almost 3am without dinner, around which time we left her standing on a curb with her love interest for the night while we headed back to our hotel room to die a slow and painful death. Needless to say, I thought she was fantastic and can't wait to hang out with her again.
I continued to behave on Friday night when I was in Melbourne and drinking with a few people from our Sydney and Melbourne offices. We'd been in a boring workshop all day, and needed to let off a bit of steam. For me, this meant having a few cocktails and telling a racist joke or two. For one of my Melbourne colleagues, this meant she should get completely sloshed, spend half the night insisting that she is my new best friend, and then get frisky in a bathroom with the friend of one of our other coworkers.
This was the conversation that we endured in a taxi going from bar #2 to bar #3:
Melbourne colleague: Oh my god, he was so hot. And such a good kisser.
Zander & other coworker: Uh huh.
Melbourne colleague: And you would not believe how quickly he got my shirt off in the bathroom. I didn't even know what had happened!
Zander & other colleague: Nice.
Melbourne colleague (to cab driver): Oh my god, I'm not offending you am I? I don't want to, like, offend your culture and stuff.
[cab driver remains silent, probably calling on Allah to strike her down in a fit of rage]
To her credit, she did drink and dance with us until almost 3am without dinner, around which time we left her standing on a curb with her love interest for the night while we headed back to our hotel room to die a slow and painful death. Needless to say, I thought she was fantastic and can't wait to hang out with her again.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Exhibit A
Some photos have surfaced from Thursday night's fashion party thingy. Conclusion: I am still an asshole.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
On A Roll
I had told myself I would take it easy in the final stretch to my world tour, however it is now Thursday, I am about to head out for another fashion week party that will be my third night of drinking in a row.
This is all sure to be something I will regret tomorrow morning at 7:30am when I'm boarding a flight to Melbourne to sit in a workshop for 6 hours, only to drink even more once the sun shows any sign of going down, and come back on Saturday feeling even worse...and just in time to meet friends at a pub.
I'd ask someone to knock some sense into me, but I'm having way too much fun.
This is all sure to be something I will regret tomorrow morning at 7:30am when I'm boarding a flight to Melbourne to sit in a workshop for 6 hours, only to drink even more once the sun shows any sign of going down, and come back on Saturday feeling even worse...and just in time to meet friends at a pub.
I'd ask someone to knock some sense into me, but I'm having way too much fun.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Surely There's An Award For This Sort Of Thing
Just wanted to share my shining moment from the weekend -- on my "quiet night", Saturday, I was at a club around 2am, talking to some friends at the bar. I was so consumed by my own hilarious story that I didn't see the guy walking behind me with a tray full of drinks, and definitely knocked all of them over, although he did manage to save something resembling a rum and coke that ended up swimming in cheap beer.
You'd think they would have banned me from the more popular nightspots by now...
You'd think they would have banned me from the more popular nightspots by now...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
My Night With The D-List
After being so well behaved for the beginning of the week, I decided I had earned a few drinks by Wednesday night. The event I had been invited to didn't start until 6.30, and so I harangued a few colleagues into killing some time at a bar near work with me. None of them had really wanted to come, and I promised to let them leave after 2 drinks, so considering I left before 7pm, I was surprised to hear that two of them ended up partying until after midnight, and now blame me for leading them astray. Pussies.
Anyway, the highlight of the night was a fashion week party at Cargo Lounge. I had primarily wanted to go because there were free drinks, and the host is one of the main personalities on Australia's Next Top Model, so I'd hoped they would be filming the new season of the show at the same time, and maybe we'd get to see some of the new girls trip and fall off the runway.
The result was even better -- I spent the night surrounded by girls from the last couple of seasons of the show. I also may have dropped and broken a champagne glass on one of their feet while talking to her, but considering I think she's weird and alien looking (the one on the right in the image below) and never should have gotten her own show, I actually didn't feel that bad.
The night ended with me sharing a taxi back home with a couple of very drunk Irish people who I'd met at the party and happened to live on my street. I may have plans to attend their BBQ on the weekend, as they've texted me already. If only I could remember their names.
Anyway, the highlight of the night was a fashion week party at Cargo Lounge. I had primarily wanted to go because there were free drinks, and the host is one of the main personalities on Australia's Next Top Model, so I'd hoped they would be filming the new season of the show at the same time, and maybe we'd get to see some of the new girls trip and fall off the runway.
The result was even better -- I spent the night surrounded by girls from the last couple of seasons of the show. I also may have dropped and broken a champagne glass on one of their feet while talking to her, but considering I think she's weird and alien looking (the one on the right in the image below) and never should have gotten her own show, I actually didn't feel that bad.
The night ended with me sharing a taxi back home with a couple of very drunk Irish people who I'd met at the party and happened to live on my street. I may have plans to attend their BBQ on the weekend, as they've texted me already. If only I could remember their names.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Can't Wait To See The Wedding Photos
I'm only reinforcing my official Bitch status with this one, but when I got this in the mail last week I simply had to take pictures and email them to various people around the world, and now I've decided to blog about it as well, because this sort of tackiness can't just slip under the radar.
After some 10 years or so of doing as close to nothing as should be possible if not an actual paraplegic, my lovely cousin in Jamaica has decided to get married. It makes sense, considering getting married and squirting out babies has been a chosen method of legitimizing women doing nothing for centuries. (I'm only kidding ladies, don't get all feminist on me now.)
Anyway, regardless of how much free time a girl might have to come up with unnecessary wedding expenditures, I still don't consider it an excuse for this:
In case you are blinded by the cheap gold packaging (it took me a few minutes to process what I was seeing as well), it actually opened up to contain a plastic scroll with the wedding details on it. I assume that's some sort of reference to religion, since the original wedding announcement kept saying something about how they met through God, which is pretty much the opposite of how I ever meet any romantic interest, unless by "God" they actually mean "a bottle of Grey Goose and a case of beer", in which case I am so on the same page. Or should I say scroll.
Reactions to these photos have ranged from sheer disgust to giddy and emphatic insistence that I attend the wedding and take photos because "if this is the invitation, can you imagine how awful everything else about the wedding is going to be?!" Needless to say, they will be lucky if I purchase half a set of coasters off the registry.
I'll probably go to hell for this blog post, but I figure I'll write it anyway based on the fact that:
After some 10 years or so of doing as close to nothing as should be possible if not an actual paraplegic, my lovely cousin in Jamaica has decided to get married. It makes sense, considering getting married and squirting out babies has been a chosen method of legitimizing women doing nothing for centuries. (I'm only kidding ladies, don't get all feminist on me now.)
Anyway, regardless of how much free time a girl might have to come up with unnecessary wedding expenditures, I still don't consider it an excuse for this:
In case you are blinded by the cheap gold packaging (it took me a few minutes to process what I was seeing as well), it actually opened up to contain a plastic scroll with the wedding details on it. I assume that's some sort of reference to religion, since the original wedding announcement kept saying something about how they met through God, which is pretty much the opposite of how I ever meet any romantic interest, unless by "God" they actually mean "a bottle of Grey Goose and a case of beer", in which case I am so on the same page. Or should I say scroll.
Reactions to these photos have ranged from sheer disgust to giddy and emphatic insistence that I attend the wedding and take photos because "if this is the invitation, can you imagine how awful everything else about the wedding is going to be?!" Needless to say, they will be lucky if I purchase half a set of coasters off the registry.
I'll probably go to hell for this blog post, but I figure I'll write it anyway based on the fact that:
- Nothing that interesting really happened to me this weekend (other than a friend getting kicked out of a club after we drank about 3 bottles of wine - who could have seen that coming)
- I don't think anyone in my Jamaican family reads this blog
- Going to hell would probably still be a better option that actually going to this wedding.
Friday, August 08, 2008
I Would Never Wear Those Shoes
Well there have been more updates on my antics from Saturday night, a.k.a the greatest night of my life that I don't remember (the highlight being that I apparently got an entire birthday party of 25 people kicked out of a bar where we had a reserved area...something about "strip dancing"), but I've decided not to dwell on such things as they're all in the past.
Instead, just thought I would share a quick announcement that Google Maps has finally started up the Street View feature for Australia this week, and we are already able to appreciate the subtle nuances of the Australian lifestyle:
I should probably be a little more concerned by the fact that when I sent this out, every single person to respond asked "Is that you??", but once again, I won't dwell on such things. Everyone have a lovely weekend.
Instead, just thought I would share a quick announcement that Google Maps has finally started up the Street View feature for Australia this week, and we are already able to appreciate the subtle nuances of the Australian lifestyle:
I should probably be a little more concerned by the fact that when I sent this out, every single person to respond asked "Is that you??", but once again, I won't dwell on such things. Everyone have a lovely weekend.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Facebook Message Of The Week
"Hey Zander! Really great to meet you on Saturday night. Never met anyone who knew all the words to every R&B song ever haha. How did you end up? Trashed I hope."
What my new BFF here doesn't seem to realize is that was already trashed beyond belief by the time I got to my second party of the night, and even after looking through as many Facebook photos as I could find, I still don't think I could recognize this person or anyone else from that evening with a gun to my head.
What my new BFF here doesn't seem to realize is that was already trashed beyond belief by the time I got to my second party of the night, and even after looking through as many Facebook photos as I could find, I still don't think I could recognize this person or anyone else from that evening with a gun to my head.
Monday, August 04, 2008
It All Evens Out
After having such a ridiculous Thursday night, I forced myself to head home after only 4 beers on Friday night, even though I had gotten a second wind and probably could have kept going. Being at home on a Friday night still utterly depresses me, but the knowledge that I would be starting early on Saturday helped me hold on.
And Saturday did not disappoint. I met up with Marina to stop by the bottle shop and head to a BBQ in Paddington, where the host was serving the most dangerous sangria I think I've ever encountered. Despite tasting like fruit punch, it apparently contained red wine, vodka, rum, tequila, and banana liqueur, and after about two glasses I was already light-headed.
I don't remember much beyond that -- I stopped into a friend's place for a glass of wine, and then headed to someone else's birthday at a bar, before we all went to his place and danced and acted like dickheads until a time in the morning I would be hard-pressed to identify. I also have a vague recollection of chugging white wine directly from a bottle, but since there are no photographs to prove it (just yet), I might just pretend it never happened.
I didn't leave my apartment on Sunday, and 94% of my time was spent laying on the couch and ignoring phone calls. And after about 12 hours of sleep, I'm feeling quite fresh again, and considering stopping in for "just a couple" with Busty this evening. It's all about the rebound.
And Saturday did not disappoint. I met up with Marina to stop by the bottle shop and head to a BBQ in Paddington, where the host was serving the most dangerous sangria I think I've ever encountered. Despite tasting like fruit punch, it apparently contained red wine, vodka, rum, tequila, and banana liqueur, and after about two glasses I was already light-headed.
I don't remember much beyond that -- I stopped into a friend's place for a glass of wine, and then headed to someone else's birthday at a bar, before we all went to his place and danced and acted like dickheads until a time in the morning I would be hard-pressed to identify. I also have a vague recollection of chugging white wine directly from a bottle, but since there are no photographs to prove it (just yet), I might just pretend it never happened.
I didn't leave my apartment on Sunday, and 94% of my time was spent laying on the couch and ignoring phone calls. And after about 12 hours of sleep, I'm feeling quite fresh again, and considering stopping in for "just a couple" with Busty this evening. It's all about the rebound.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Signs You're In For A Painful Hangover
- The bar you're in has a Thursday night special that gets you a meal and a 40 oz beer for $10
- None of the wait staff blinks (or even hesitates) when you order your 7th bottle of wine or champagne, even though you can barely hold yourself up at the bar
- In a room of 200 people, you and your friends are the only ones dancing...wildly
- You wake up with a woman's change purse in your coat
- The following mementos are in your pocket:
For the love of god, someone let this day be over. I can barely see the computer monitor anyway.
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